KMr. Krabs
AVAST THERE, LADDIES! What's all this ruckerus about now?!
It's our Krabby Patty toy, Mr. Krabs! And Patrick ate it, so that I couldn't play with it!
SpongeBob won't let me play with it!
Only because you hogged it all night!
KMr. Krabs
Whoa, whoa, whoa there, now! Settle down! All this brawlin' is over a toy?! You two shouldn't let a little trinket get between youse! You should be ashamed of yourselves. If I gave each of ya another toy, would that make you happy?!
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
...Yes.
KMr. Krabs
Well, you're in luck! You two seem so thrilled with the toy, I had an entire case of 'em made!
Okay everyone, say goodbye to the worst thing that's happened to this town since 97 cent stores.
EEveryone
Yeah! [SpongeBob tries to break the highway with the tractor, but it just stopped]
Good effort, Spongedope, but you can't tear up my highway, it's indestructible!
LLLarry Lobster
Not if we have anything to do with it!
LLLarry Lobster
That's right, pal, but that's not all. [Sandy walks out from the crowd, waving]
Sandy Squirrel! [Mrs. Puff walks out of the crowd] Mrs. Puff! [Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy both walk out from the crowd] Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy! [Patrick walks walk out from the crowd] Patrick!
And Squidward! [Squidward doesn't walk out from the crowd]
F3Fish 3
Nope, that's everybody!
LLLarry Lobster
Push! [He, Patrick, Mrs. Puff, Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy and Sandy push] Harder! [They push harder]
F3Fish 3
You heard the little square guy, yeah! [Everybody lines up behind the tractor and pushes it]
Wait! I didn't count on all of you working together! [Everybody pushes hard enough that the highway breaks!] My highway! Stop! YOU CAN'T! [Plankton gets crushed by the tractor!]
EEveryone
YEAH! [The arch over the Krusty Krab breaks down in a pile of dust and the smog clears]
KMr. Krabs
Praise Neptune.
[Singing] Jelly lelly lelly jelly, jelly lelly lelly jelly, it's the jellyfishing song!
Jelly lelly lelly jelly, jelly lelly lelly jelly, everyone sing along!
EEveryone
[Singing] Jelly lelly lelly jelly, jelly lelly lelly jelly, it's the jellyfishing song!
EEveryone
Jelly lelly lelly jelly, jelly lelly lelly jelly everyone sing! [The camera zooms out and we cut to the Jellyfish Fields ranger]
RRanger
[bored voice] Everyone sing along. [switches the "closed" sign to "open," and then walks away]
Oh, Krabsy, after tea, I think a full tentacle massage would be an order.
KMr. Krabs
I ain't touching your tentacles with a 10-ft...
[on phone] Hello, Office Workers Safety Department... [Mr. Krabs jumps at Squidward ripping the phone out of his hand, then eats it]
KMr. Krabs
[chuckles nervously] I'll go get the massage oil now. [runs inside; cut to the storage room] Boy, ya got anything?
Not yet, Mr. Krabs. [Mr. Krabs groans; takes a bucket of fry grease]
[clearing throat] I'm waiting!
This just isn't adding up.
We must be missing something. Patrick, we're going to need help even more expert than you. [cut to inside the Krusty Krab, where Mr. Krabs massages Squidward's tentacles using the fry grease]
KMr. Krabs
What? You mean all this was one of your goofball schemes?
Now, now, Krabs, SpongeBob has taught us important life lessons, such as, oh, how to fall out of an airplane for instance.
KMr. Krabs
Yeah, and how to comically bludgeon myself.
In fact, I think it's time we repay him, don't you?
KMr. Krabs
Great idea, pal. [clenches fists together. Plankton does the same] We'll teach you about teamwork. [hops on top of Plankton who carries him. SpongeBob runs away screaming] Get back here! [Plankton chases SpongeBob while carrying Mr. Krabs]
We should do this more often, Krabs.
Here's your Krabby Patty! [puts his Krabby Patty on the table and holds up his tray] Shall I put it on your tab?
Oh, yeah. Keep it open. We might be here all night! Let me just say up front, I'm a fan! I'm excited to learn from a master. My career in self-worth are in your hands! Let us writing on this. Okay... advise!
[sighs and gets up] Why don't you just concentrate on your patty? [leaves]
[looks at his patty] Of course, it's so obvious now! How did I not see it earlier? Squidward's a genius! I know now what I must do! [reaches in his pocket for googly eyes and puts them on the patty, admiring his masterpiece.]
FNFrederick Nitpick
[pops out of the ketchup bottle] Brilliant! [hands Patrick a bag full of money] I've never seen such an example of raw creativity! This will turn the art world on its head! I hereby declare this the next big thing! [echoes. The customers swarm the Krusty Krab and hold up their money]
You did it, Patrick! You found your inspiration!
[holds up his money bag] And I'm going to need some more of those patty thingies!
You got it, buddy! [jumps into the kitchen and flips some patties, which fly out to Patrick. Patrick decorates a patty and gives it to Tom, who gives him another money bag]
KMr. Krabs
Huh? [hears cha-ching] Ooh, money! Money, money, money, money, money, money, money! [opens the cash register and notices it's empty, then gasps] What the? [gasps again and notices customers giving money to Patrick and SpongeBob giving him patties] SpongeBob! [grabs SpongeBob] Patrick! [grabs Patrick and pulls both of them into his office] What's the meaning of this?
It's my art. Uh, I buy Krabby Patties for $3 and I..I sell them for $50. [Mr. Krabs gets mad with a growling animal sound. SpongeBob and Patrick get worried and cry]
Why is he so mad, Squidward? I was just following your advice!
KMr. Krabs
What?! [to Squidward, angrily] It was your idea, huh?!
[The scene cuts to SpongeBob bringing more patties out.]
Here's a whole new batch of Krabby Patty canvases.
KMr. Krabs
Great, SpongeBob! [to Incidental 41] That'll be fifty bucks!
I4Incidental 41
[hands Mr. Krabs money] It's so inexpensive!
KMr. Krabs
And here's your patty! One more art patty, Mr. Star!
I4Incidental 41
It's such an honor to meet you!
[takes the patty] I can only imagine! Apprentice! [turns to Squidward] Make another of my masterpieces, good man. [Squidward grabs the patty and squirts glue on the top bun] If you work real hard, you may be an artist too someday! [Squidward growls at Patrick. Patrick looks at the patty.] Mm, probably not. Needs more glitter. [Squidward breaks down bawling, ending the episode]
Mr. Krabs, what is this thing?
KMr. Krabs
Why, it's my old soap press!
KMr. Krabs
That's right! All the soap Pearl and I use comes from this machine. And the best part is, it runs on 100% pure leftover Krabby Patties!
KMr. Krabs
[tosses a Krabby Patty into the machine] Their precious essences are harvested, and after a brief cooling process, tumble out this conveyor belt as fresh, wonderful bars of soap! [the new soap falls off the conveyor belt into a basket] Fresh and invigorating! Plus, it's absolutely free.
[picks up one of the soap bars and sniffs it] Ohhhh, that explains why it smells so familiar! I don't know about this, Mr. Krabs. If Pearl finds out that you...
[lividly] I've been using soap made out of Krabby Patties?!
KMr. Krabs
Krabby Patty essence.
KMr. Krabs
Well, if you want to split hairs, I suppose-
[furiously] DADDY! [throws soap at her father]
KMr. Krabs
[runs away in fear] Got to go, you kids have fun!
KMr. Krabs
What better way to spend an afternoon than trolling the sea vent for spare change. [Then something tugs on Mr. Krabs' magnet] Whooh! [Mr. Krabs pulls and a giant pile of sand hangs from his magnet] There's got to be a small fortune than discarded paperclips in there! [The sand falls, only to reveal a second magnet. He then gets upset] I knew this place looked familiar. [Startles in surprise] What's this? Goodness, that must be Sandy's treedome dwelling, and inside looks to be the largest soybean I have ever laid me eyestalks on. Now this bears getting a closer look. [He rings the door bell on Sandy's treedome and Sandy opens it in her air suit] Good afternoon, Miss Sandy.
And good afternoon to you Mr. Krabs. What brings you out to this fine neck of the woods?
KMr. Krabs
Well uh, I just happen to be in the neighborhood and was wondering if you could see you in clear and grace me with a comprehensive tour of your home sweet treedome. [chuckles] I hear the giant soybean is lovely this time of the year.
Sure, lets get you fitted with a helmet.
KMr. Krabs
Don't bother yourself. As long as I keep me ole lungs moist, I can breath your fancy air all day long.
Come on in then. [they go inside the treedome]
[gets fed up with Patrick begging] No! No! No! No! [growls, Patrick continues to follow him] Go away, Patrick! Go away, Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! [washes hands and Patrick appears in the mirror] Patrick! [Patrick touches his Krusty Krab employee hat] Patrick! [pushes a button on the cash register and Patrick appears] Patrick! [starts walking with Patrick closely following him behind] Patrick! [using the restroom with Patrick beside him] Patrick! [starts sweating and shivering with Mr. Krabs now beside him]
KMr. Krabs
Mr. Squidward? [Squidward screams] Time for your break. [walks off]
Ah... don't mind if I do. [sits down] Ah...no better way to spend a break than with a little cool jazz. [takes out the box that holds his clarinet and tries to play it but it isn't there] Huh?
[comes out of the restroom] Hi Squidward!
I just finished cleaning the restroom!
[sarcastically] Ooh... that's great...
I mopped the floors! I shined the mirrors! I scrubbed the sinks.
[sarcastically] Wonderful.
Oh yeah! [takes out Squidward's clarinet that is soaking wet] But we are going to need a new toilet plunger. This one's broken.
Patrick! [takes back the clarinet and growls at Patrick which Mr. Krabs appears to see what is happening]
KMr. Krabs
Nice work, Patrick! Break time's over, Mr. Squidward.
[calling on loudspeaker] Krabby Patties, brand new Krabby Patty recipe, all new, all different, all delicious, try them for free!
NNazz
You can't be serious.
[sighs] I'm so hungry, I don't care, I gotta eat something.
[touches her shoulder] Let him go, it's too late.
All new free Krabby Patties!
Hey, buddy, I'll try one. What have I got to lose? [everyone gasps as Frank eats half of the Krabby Patty] Dear Neptune Gill Sacks, this is the best thing I every put in my mouth! Yay! [Frank's shirt turns pink, then goes back to normal]
NNazz
Did he just say it was good?
[finishes the other half of the Krabby Patty] Woohoo! [Frank dances]
Wow, Frank never dances, it must be good!
[everyone eats the Krabby Patties, Henry-Bart's eyes turn into a thumbs up, money comes out of his skin]
HBHenry-Bart
I'm getting something this amazing for free! How much will this buy? [Henry-Bart throws money on SpongeBob]
Yum yum! Yum yum yum yum! Yum yuuuum! [goes like a rocket; to SpongeBob] Hey you, patty boy, take my wallet, I gotta have more! [Frank goes in the stand and takes two Krabby Patties]
NNNat and Nazz
[their heads turn into arms and give a high-five] Now that's what I'm talking about! [their heads turn back to normal, they get a briefcase from their pockets]
Here's our life savings! Just give us more Krabby Patties! [Nat and Nazz dump the money on SpongeBob]
[cut to Plankton talking on a cellphone]
Don't worry, Karen, I'll be home before lunch time. My mission here is accomplished. [laughs, and then a dollar bill lands on Plankton] Ooh. What the... huh?! [gasps]
[to the customers] No, wait! What's going on? You hate Krabby Patties, remember?
DTDump truck driver
Wowee, this thing is right tasty.
[a dump truck prepares to dump money] Uh-oh. [the money lands on Plankton]
[a helicopter dumps a bag full of money on SpongeBob. Mr. Krabs is just walking and then a dollar lands on his nose. His eyes pop out and he screams so loudly, Plankton comes out of the money]
KMr. Krabs
[while running towards the mountain of money] Money, money, money, money, money, money! [Mr. Krabs jumps on the money and laughs]
We did it, Mr. Krabs! We saved the Krusty Krab! All I did was sell the same old Krabby Patties, and call them new!
KMr. Krabs
Do you mind? I'm trying to make a money angel here.
Ooh, money angels! Can I make one?
KMr. Krabs
Sure thing, SpongeBob. Hop in!
[Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob laugh as they make money angels; they hear a high-pitched shrill coming from Plankton screaming because Mr. Krabs is sitting on him, and stop]
KMr. Krabs
Did you hear that?
KMr. Krabs
Hm. Good point. [Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob continue laughing as the episode ends]
[Mr. Krabs turns on Karen's monitor. Then Karen's screen shows Loading]
KMr. Krabs
She's loading up. Now let's see how this dial up thingy works. [places the telephone receiver on top of Karen and her screen shows an hourglass turning.] This thing does text mails right?
[Karen's screen shows the words Karen Classic with her picture on it]
KMr. Krabs
Oh, that sounds promising.
[Karen starts crying on her screen and scaring Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob]
KMr. Krabs
Are computers supposed to emote!? No need to cry, little lady.
Don't tell me not to cry! [continues crying and scaring Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob again.]
KMr. Krabs
She's malfunctioning!
Must be the dial-up thingy!
KMr. Krabs
You're right, must be interfering with her circuitry! [grabs the telephone and throws it against the wall destroying it in the process]
Oh, it's not the dial-up thingy. It's Plankton, he dumped me for a newer piece of hardware. [continues crying]
KMr. Krabs
Help me out here, buddy. [pushes SpongeBob next to Karen]
Hey, there. Dry those computer tears. I'm sure you two will get back together. Plankton just need some time to realize how much he needs you. I mean, you guys were made for each other. Well, you were made more for him and more specifically by him, and now, he's built someone with more modern features who's better in every way. There's no- what was my point again?
[sobs] You men are all alike! [hops off Mr. Krabs' desk and onto her mobile body. She hops out of the box and then rolls out of the office.]
KMr. Krabs
Wait! Where ya goin’? Smooth, SpongeBob, real smooth.
Can we please steal the secret formula now? Pretty please, Man Ray?
MRMan Ray
I MUST HAVE MORE! [starts to pound on the table] Bring me more Krabby Patties! Bring more Krabby Patties! [shoots roof with laser gun]
[he and Squidward are scared by his acts before SpongeBob stands in front] Stand aside, Squidward. I'm gonna be my own hero. [slides into the kitchen, and runs out to Man Ray with hundreds of Krabby Patties] Thank you, sir! Enjoy your meal.
MRMan Ray
At last! [starts to eat the Krabby Patties]
Alright, fine! I'll just steal the secret formula myself! [grabs Man Ray's laser gun] Oh, and Man Ray, this friendship is OVER! [Man Ray burps, which causes Plankton to drop the gun]
MRMan Ray
[is now obese after eating too much Krabby Patties. He holds one last uneaten Krabby Patty] No... no... no more... can't... eat... [drops the last Patty] another... [chair breaks, and Man Ray falls on the floor]
[he and Barnacle Boy walk through the burnt-down door] There he is! [they cuff Man Ray] Alright, Man Ray, lunch time's over!
MRMan Ray
[surprised] WHAT?! How did you two know I was here?
A little sponge told us. [they pull Man Ray away]
MRMan Ray
This wasn't supposed to happen...
KMr. Krabs
[rolls out a very long bill] Here you go, Plankton.
KMr. Krabs
It's the bill. For your partner. [he, SpongeBob, and Squidward laugh as the episode ends]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
