[It was night time at Le Chm Bucket with a huge line. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob enters the restaurant disguised as rich noblemen in tuxedos]
KMr. Krabs
Oohh! Just act like another fancy customer.
Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs! [Mr. Krabs covers SpongeBob mouth]
KMr. Krabs
Shh! [stammering] What's gotten into you? Highfalutin customers don't bark at the top of their lungs like a seadog.
Oops, uh... I mean, I fancy a bit of the old chum. Indeed I do, Squire.
KMr. Krabs
Good evening, Madam. Table for two, please?
KMr. Krabs
I be Eugene....er.... I mean, uh, [looks at the used ketchup wrapper on the floor] Sir Krumple O'Wrapper. Uh, that's me name. Don't wear it out.
Alright, let's pull up your reservation. [looks through the reservation sheet] Oh, I'm so sorry, sir. I'm not showing any "O'Wrapper."
KMr. Krabs
Reservation? In this sinkhole?!
There's a two-year wait for a table.
[walks over to Karen; annoyed] What's seems to be the problem? [much to his surprise, he notices Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob on their mustache disguises and doesn't buy it] Well, well, well, [blows Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob's disguises off their faces with a fan] if it isn't Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob. Now just follow me. I believe I have a table reserved just for you. [the 'table' that Squidward 'reserved' for Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob turns out to be a toilet. It turns out that Squidward just wanted to get his revenge on Mr. Krabs for not valuing him and SpongeBob for all those times he annoyed him. Squidward puts a tablecloth on the toilet] Bon Appetit, Suckers! [laughs at them as he walks away. Soon, everyone joins in the humiliation by laughing at Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob as they leave the restaurant in sadness and humiliation] See you in two years! [laughs and scoffs at them]
Yeah, see how you like it, Krabs! [laughs along with Squidward as Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob leave]
[Meanwhile, the line keeps getting longer and longer and Squidward continues to serve his Chum Fricassee to his customers and fans]
Here you go, folks. Enjoy my world famous Fricassee. [All of a sudden, someone bursts through the front door which turns out to be Squidward's grandmother and she's not very happy] Grandma!?
TGrandma Tentacles
[enters the restaurant and corners her grandson by the kitchen doors] Someone's been cooking my recipe, [sniffs] and they're doing it wrong!
TGrandma Tentacles
Saving my recipe from my bumbling grandson. [crushes Squidward's foot with her walker]
Ow! I didn't do it! Uh, uh, it was him! [points to Plankton]
[Plankton is seen exiting the kitchen with the plate of chum and hears what Squidward said about him, becomes furious. He throws the plate of chums in rage and pins the blame back on Squidward.]
What?! Oh, you're not pinning this on me! You said you didn't care if it was ready or not!
[fearfully] Ok, I admit it! I admit it! But—but—but what's the big deal? [Grandma Tentacles crushes his foot with her walker for second time] Ow!
TGrandma Tentacles
The big deal is when the chum is not cooked for exactly 24 hours, it causes severe tummy trouble.
[Listening to Grandma Tentacles, customers form a mob. The customers are enraged by what they're hearing to Grandma Tentacles.]
MFMale Fish
You fed us undercooked chum?!
TGrandma Tentacles
Tear him apart, people! [The fancy customers form a mob and start to attack Squidward and Plankton. They do an uproar, following what his grandmother says.]
I've had it, and I'm not gonna take it anymore! [Fred picks up a trash can, then throws it on a table. Other customers throw their chum meals on the ground and on the wall of the Chum Bucket. Another customer rips apart of an awning. Frank grabs a napkin holder, throwing napkins on the floor. Plankton pops up near the napkins.]
Not the napkins! [Frank doesn't listen to Plankton.]
AMAngry Mob
[An axe chops Squidward's picture in half.] He got what he deserves, that's what I say! [Else where in the exterior of Le Chum Bucket, it bursts into flames caused by the mob. As the restaurant is on fire, the customers run out of the bucket building.] It's on fire! It's all burning! Run! [the fire incinerates the restaurant, leaving only Plankton and Squidward standing with charred faces]
My restaurant! [begins crying]
My fan base! [Squidward also starts sobbing]
TGrandma Tentacles
I hope you learned your lesson, genius. [crushes Squidward's foot with her walker for third time as a punishment for his selfishness and wrongful acts]
Ow! [cries along with Plankton in despair]
[cuts to the Krusty Krab] Gee, Mr. Krabs. It sure was nice of you to hire Squidward back. Especially since he tried to destroy your business and all.
KMr. Krabs
I figure it's the least I can do for him. After causing all that mayhem over at the Chum Bucket, in fact, I promoted him. He's our new doormat!
No! [laying on the floor like a doormat as punishment for their humiliation] Living the dream! [Moaning and groaning, some customers who destroyed the Chum Bucket wipe their feet on Squidward and the episode ends.]
[Meanwhile, cut to SpongeBob putting mayonnaise in a box, then taping it up, then cut to Mr. Krabs putting down a clock as a bulldozer arrives.]
KMr. Krabs
[sad] It's time. [goes outside on the street and waits for the truck to stop in front of him]
SState officer
[puts one of the bulldozer's windows down] So, who's getting bulldozed today?
[with the clipboard] Oh, not me, your bureaucraticness. I completed my petition. [Mr. Krabs is worried]
SState officer
The people have spoken. Step aside, Mr. Krabs. [Part of the bulldozer smokes fire out.]
KMr. Krabs
But... but... [as he backs up, the bulldozer follows him, towards the Krusty Krab.; angry] No! I'm not going anywhere!
SState officer
Please comply, Mr. Krabs. It'll be quick and painless.
KMr. Krabs
If you wanna bulldoze me restaurant, [locks himself up] it's gonna be long and painful!
[is seen at the top of the restaurant, also locked up; angry] Stand your ground, Mr. Krabs! We are right behind you, right, Squidward? [the lock is empty] Squidward?
[Squidward is outside his home, with an umbrella on top of him, sitting on a chair, and drinking a cup of tea, happily.]
SState officer
[moves his bulldozer closer to the restaurant] Okay, now this is really your last chance.
KMr. Krabs
[still angry] I'm never leaving the Krusty Krab!
SState officer
Fine. Have it your way. [pushes a lever]
[chuckles evilly, while setting up himself a movie theater seat, then sits on it] Bring it on! Bring the destruction! [munches on popcorn]
KMr. Krabs
[part of the bulldozer smokes more fire out, and the bulldozer starts to move even closer to the restaurant.; sad] Goodbye, Krusty Krab! [As he closes his eyes, the bulldozer begins to push into the restaurant, but only moves it 1 foot then stops; confused] Eh?
SState officer
Thank you for your cooperation.
[spits the popcorn out, angry] What?! Excuse me, sir, but, uh... [stands on the seat] you forgot to level the place!
KMr. Krabs
[confused] Uhh... yeah.
SState officer
Demolition is outside of my purview. I simply ensure that restaurants comply with the 100 foot ordinance. [measures the distance with a tape measure and says the 1 foot on it] That's 1 more foot. Perfect! [walks away from the restaurant]
[jumping on the seat, still angry] But that's not fair! [slips inside and the seat closes on him]
So you're not gonna destroy the Krusty Krab?
[jumps inside the bulldozer, hugging the state officer] Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! [as the state officer accidentally pulls the lever, the truck goes backwards. He and SpongeBob look out the window and are in shock as they are heading towards the Chum Bucket] Oh, dear. [the bulldozer crashes through the Chum Bucket, destroying it]
[Meanwhile, he's free from the seat after struggling to.; still angry] Come on! Let's do this! I wanna see some destruction! [as he gasps, he finally sees the destroyed Chum Bucket] I think I've seen enough. [goes back inside the seat as the episode ends]
[SpongeBob skips to the Krusty Krab]
♪Santa, Santa, Santa has his jolly little eyes on me.♪ Hi, Mr. Krabs! Are you ready for Christmas?
KMr. Krabs
Why, Christmas is me favorite time of the year! After all, 'tis the season of gettin'!
Don't you mean the season of giving?
KMr. Krabs
Exactly! The more you give, the more I get. [Laughs]
Nothing ever happens in this dump...
[pulls down the curtain on the window but then hears the phone ring and answers it] Krusty Krab.
[comes into the kitchen to see what's going on] What?!
[SpongeBob is running all around the place, Squidward grabs SpongeBob and slams him down]
What are you screaming about?!
[jumps on Squidward's head] Sea urchin! Geh...
[Squidward notices the urchin on his foot and he and SpongeBob jump onto the grill with the urchin crawling around on the walls]
SSSpongeBob and Squidward
[screaming] Mr. Krabs!
KMr. Krabs
[enters] What's all the ruckus?!
There's an urchin in the kitchen!
KMr. Krabs
What are you talking about? The Krusty Krab is a standard in fast food cleanliness. An urchin wouldn't dare step spine in this establishment. [holds up his claw and notices the urchin on him and screams. The urchin jumps off his tongue and then he jumps onto the grill with SpongeBob and Squidward. The urchin continues to crawl around making strange noises. The grill then starts to smoke] The grill is still on... isn't it?
SSSpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs
[scream and jump into bathroom stalls, and into the toilets] Ah...
BMBank Manager
Good morning, gentlemen. [SpongeBob and Patrick scream]
We've been rumbled! Run! Scatter! Scamper! Save yourself!
BMBank Manager
What's all this about? [walks backwards to alarm button, SpongeBob pulls off ski mask.] May I help you with anything, sir?
Ah. Yes, I need to make a withdrawal. I need to withdraw one Mr. Krabs!
BMBank Manager
I assure you, Mr. SquarePants, we've received no such deposit. [opens vault]
KMr. Krabs
I've gotcha now, money sucker! That does it, Lizard-breath! It's you or me, now! Just you and me! [wrestles the vacuum, and breaks it. Laughs evilly] Ooh! I conquered the money dragon! Victory! Woo!
BMBank Manager
Security! [security throws them out] And don't forget your… eh… deposit. [tosses penny at Mr. Krabs]
KMr. Krabs
You know, boyo. Through this whole ordeal, I've learned a little something about greed. A little something about isolation. Heh. Even a little something about love. And you know what I realized through it all?
That you can't put a price on freedom?
KMr. Krabs
Barnacles no, boy! I realized that they didn't pay interest on me deposit! [shakes fist] Hey, you cheapskates! Give me me interest! [a penny is thrown at Mr. Krabs] Well. What do you know? I doubled me money. [laughs as the episode ends]
Alright guys, I hate to be a party pooper, but it's a little late for all this noise. Time to wrap it up.
G3Ghost 3
Oohh... big face doesn't want us as patrons anymore! How about we make like a tree... and leaf! [laughs]
Now wait just a minute, that is private property! Maybe you guys should leave!
G1Ghost 1
Oh yeah? [ghost vomits]
Do I have to call-- [gets vomited on] Eww... ectoplasm.
G1Ghost 1
Enough fooling around! How bout we have a good ol' time like we used to!? [ghosts chant as SpongeBob gasps. Ghosts destroy the Krusty Krab]
KMr. Krabs
You better have a darn good reason for getting me outta bed! [ghosts continue partying inside as he gets slimed on]
That good enough for ya? [SpongeBob screams]
Mr. Krabs! Patrick! Help!
Sorry SpongeBob, but this is the part of the story where I run away again only this time I don't know where to run to, so I'm just gonna go circling around the building. [screams and starts running]
KMr. Krabs
Looks like a certain foolish sponge has been conversin' with the unliving! All right you floating nuisances! Time for the bossman to mop up! [ghosts laughs] Batter up! H'ya! [whacks ghosts into bubble as a ghost roars] Yeah, and go back in which ye came! [pops bubble]
KMr. Krabs
Never hold a séance, boy-o... without me permission, because ghosts are like relatives. Once you let them in, they never leave!
KMr. Krabs
[while Squidward is sleeping at the register] Squidward!
Ahhh! What is your problem?
KMr. Krabs
My problem is that you aren't working, which means I lose M-U-N-E-E, which means you lose your J-O-B.
Remind me again, is that good news, or bad news?
KMr. Krabs
Tentacles, I mean it. You get back to mindin' that register.
Minding it for... which customer?
[both Mr. Krabs, and Squidward see that there's no customers inside the Krusty Krab]
KMr. Krabs
I see your point. But still, I'm not paying you to dream sweet nothings. Do something. Pick up a mop, a window wiper. A broom, a spatuler, even!
SpongeBob's got that covered.
[as he enters, the Krusty Krab, he notices Squidward] Squidward! Squidward, can you believe I made it?! [Old Man Jenkins appears to be hanging from the razor-wires on SpongeBob, and groans]
KMr. Krabs
[appears] What are you doing, boy?! You're scaring all me customers with your foul stench!
[hugs Mr. Krabs] Mr. Krabs!
KMr. Krabs
[pushes SpongeBob off of him] Oh no, lad, you're not coming in here looking like that! [shot of SpongeBob looking like a wreck] You're going straight home for a nice long bubble bath! [Mr. Krabs pushes SpongeBob outside]
[sadly] Aye-aye, sir. [walks away]
What?! He gets to go home and take a bubble bath?! That's my thing!
KMr. Krabs
Yes it is. And consequently, you are just neat as a pin! Now get to work!
I'm as neat as a pin? I'll show you neat as a pin! [he runs outside, and gets himself dirty by rolling in dirt, ripping off his shirt, and pouring dirt on his head] Where's my bubble bath, Mr. Krabs?! [Mr. Krabs sprays Squidward with a hose]
KMr. Krabs
There you go! [a truck passes by and drives over a puddle, spraying Squidward, who is already laying in the puddle, with more water] Now get to work! [Sal exits out of his truck]
SSal
Uh, you guys open? I have coupons! "Buy one, get one free!"
KMr. Krabs
Oh no! It says "Buy one for a fee!"
SSal
Oh! I stand corrected! [Mr. Krabs and Sal walk off-screen, leaving Squidward in the puddle, as the episode ends]
KMr. Krabs
[checks his mirror which says, "Objects in Mirror Will Be Expensive." mirror pans to The Krusty Krab entrance and a sign saying "Broken Wall" appears] Oh, broken wall. [a sign saying "$15,000" appears] That's about $5,000. [the mirror pans to the inside of The Krusty Krab where smoke is coming out of the kitchen window and a sign saying "Kitchen Fire" appears] Oh, kitchen fire. [a sign saying "$6,523.87" appears] Oh, that'll be about 6 grand. Oh! A lawsuit? [mirror pans to Squidward hitting Harold on the head with a spatula and a sign saying "Lawsuit" appears along with a sign saying "$150,000,000,000."] Oh, that's a lot of zeroes! Oh. [his eyes deflate, but they quickly return back to normal]
[bubble transition to the boat breaking a "One Way" sign as Mr. Krabs gasps, then screams with SpongeBob as SpongeBob drives the wrong way on the road, avoiding other boats and a gasoline truck. The boat then goes out of control for a few seconds before stopping on the road again]
Well, at least I didn't hit the Krusty Krab that time. [chuckles nervously. The scene cuts to the other boats that were avoiding Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob crashing into the Krusty Krab, including the gasoline truck which destroys the Krusty Krab in a fiery explosion and leaving a charred Squidward left standing]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
