[singing] Sandy's in the kitchen with SpongeBob, we're in the kitchen, we two! Sandy's in the kitchen with SpongeBob, making nuts on the barbeque!
[laughs, then grabs his hand] You heard the boss man! Tell me what's what.
Well, this here is where the magic happens: the grill. Heh. [SpongeBob puts his hands on the grill, burning them. He screams in pain and then giggles. He dots out a red rectangle in front of him.] As long as the sacred space is respected, the kitchen will remain in perfect harmony.
Not to worry! We'll be like two crickets on a fiddle in here.
Squidward[rings bell and holds orders out] Here. Knock yourselves out. [SpongeBob takes the orders] Please. [SpongeBob reads the orders. Sandy has already fired up her barbecue and is cooking three nuts with tongs.]
Already on it! So how many nuts should I fix up?
Nuts? Oh, sorry, Sandy, there must be a mistake. These are all for Krabby Patties.
Happy friend-iversary, Squidward! [blows a party horn with confetti at him. Squidward spits out the confetti]
Squidward
SpongeBob, what time is it?
It's one minute after midnight on the day that we first met. [grabs a book] It's all here in my Squidward memory book.
Squidward
What?
[sits down next to Squidward and flips through the pages] Here's us at camp. Here's when I moved in right next door. Oh, and here's when I got Employee of the Month instead of you again. Here's one I took a few minutes ago. Look at you. Just like an angel.
Squidward
[swipes the book away] All right, that's it! [throws SpongeBob out of the door] Get out! [kicks SpongeBob out]
[waving] Okay, see you around, friend. [scoots on his butt back to his house] ♪Friend, friend, friend, friend, friend, friend, friend, friend, friend, friend, friend, friend-iversary!♪ [enters his house]
[The "Friendiversary" banner falls onto Squidward. Bubble transition to Squidward using a dustpan and broom to clean up the party decorations. He then takes the trash to his trash cans outside, to which SpongeBob startles him.]
Happy friend-iversary! [Squidward screams and jumps into the trash can] Remember the first time I startled you into this trash can?
Squidward
Ahem. Good morning.
Oh, good morning. You must be the new cashier. Nice to meet you. [continues cooking patties]
Squidward
I can't believe it. It worked. [to SpongeBob] Uh, have we met before?
I don't think so. Maybe we can chat later, huh? I'm kind of busy right now.
Squidward
This is the best day of my life!
[walking to the register] Hmm, you seem weirdly happy for some reason. What's going on?
Squidward
Last night, I erased all of SpongeBob's memories of me. Isn't it wonderful?
You WHAT?!! [grabs Squidward] Are you insane, man?! [grumbles and takes Squidward to his office]
[Squidward, with his face turned into a deep shade of blue, gasps for air as Mr. Krabs lets him go.]
To keep Plankton from scanning me mind, SpongeBob is the only one who knows the [bangs safe] combination to the secret formula safe! [strangles Squidward] And because he never wanted to forget it, he attached it to a memory he had with you, Mr. Squidward! I want you to un-erase his memory right now. [hollering] SpongeBob!
[appears, saluting] Yes, Mr. Krabs.
[putting his hands on both of them] Spend the afternoon with Mr. Squidward here. He's gonna share some precious memories with you.
Oh, no thank you. I don't know this guy. He's a stranger. [to Mr. Krabs] Confidentially, he looks a little boring.
You go with him. That's an order.
[Mr. Krabs growls as Squidward takes SpongeBob outside.]
So what are we doing now, new guy?
Squidward
We're going to recreate your lost memories of me, so you can remember the combination of Krabs' safe.
Huh, sounds crazy-pants, [shrugs] but okay.
Squidward
Just do what I tell you.
Have you ever had to handle hot change? [close-up of claws, which have coin indents on them]
Sorry, Mr. Krabs. I guess we got carried away watching our animal double-gaggers all day.
Squidward
That's doppelgangers.
[suddenly waking up] No, I believe it's pronounced bubble hangers.
What are you [facepalms] barnacle brains blabbering about?
Squidward
[looks at SpongeBob's window where the light closes and sighs in relief] Now I can have the pool all to myself! [swims backwards into an inflatable chair] Oh, pool... [starts to sleep and the scene fades into his dream where many octopus guests are at SpongeBob's pool] Ciao, everybody!
GGuests
Ciao, Squidwardo!
G1Guest #1
[with an Italian accent] Squidwardo, you must play your clarinet for us! You simply must!
Squidward
I'll think about it! [gets up from the inflatable chair and dives into the pool]
[The guests awes in disappointment but then sees Squidward emerging from the pool playing his clarinet on many large white platforms. Squidward swims as he continues playing his clarinet and the camera pans out to a view of the floor of the pool, which is Squidward's head]
[As Squidward plays his clarinet, two mermaids appear on both sides and kisses his head, until the scene fades to reality with Squidward kissing until he falls off the inflatable chair and into the pool]
Squidward
[laughs] Ha, ha! Who's got the clam now? [points at butt] I do! [shakes butt] I got the greatest scallop! I got the greatest scallop!
Oh, they're so pretty! Look!
Squidward
Huh?
[Squidward sees the giant clam spinning in place as the small ones circle around it. The giant clam jumps over the small ones as a jump rope. It moves up and down the smaller clams as a wavering string, playing a gentle harp melody.]
Squidward
Hey! I bought you to scare those dumb clams, not dance with 'em! [Squidward picks up a rock and throws it. The giant clam is surrounded by the little clams in a heart shape. When the rock hits it, it growls. It screeches at the other clams, and they all rush towards Squidward.]
Incoming! [he, Patrick, and Squidward jump out of the way]
[The giant clam smacks into the ground. Squidward screams and rolls away from it. The giant clam spits a pearl. Squidward presses against Patrick's house, but SpongeBob pulls him away. The pearl pierces Patrick's house.]
Boy, is that guy gonna get mad when he gets home!
[comes through kitchen window with bag] Don't worry, SpongeBob. I figured you might have a little trouble [opens suit hatch] getting back to your homestead, [tosses bag into suit, several supplies start floating around in it] so I brung along some supplies.
And I couldn't forget [takes Gary from bag] this little feller.
[narrating time card] Several days later...
[SpongeBob's suit is now a murky green, and several items are floating around in it.]
[murmuring, slithering around suit, SpongeBob is whistling while cooking patties]
Squidward
[holding four large trays of patties, grumbling, then loses balance] Whoa! [falls down, and one patty lands onto a customer's table]
CCustomer
Mmm. [is about to eat the patty, then has an allergic reaction, and scratches hives] Oh. [flailing arms, screaming] Whaa! [puffs up, falls over]
[As Squidward walks by with a patty, all of the customers start having allergic reactions.]
Oh, no, the customers are allergic to patties, too! [turns suit arm into vacuum, then reaches it out from kitchen, Squidward yelps]
[sucking up old lady] Quick, get inside the suit! [sucks up customer scratching back on table] You'll be safe in here.
[Several customers run around screaming as SpongeBob uses the arm vacuum to suck them all up. Customers are inside suit, groan, Suddenly, the customers' allergies go away. Customers chattering]
CCustomer
My rash is gone!
OOOther other customer
Totally cured.
Squidward
[yelps, bangs on office door] Mr. Krabs!
[opens door, money all over him, unimpressed] Yes? [eye stalks get grabbed by Squidward into kitchen] Oh!
Squidward
SpongeBob lost his marbles! He sucked all the customers into that crazy contraption!
The patty allergy's spreading, Mr. Krabs. The customers are allergic too.
Calm down, lad! I'm sure you're just exaggerat-- [has allergic reaction] hmm? [screams, then gets sucked in vacuum]
Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I'll save you! [Squidward runs away]
[enters suit, allergy goes away] That's better.
Yes, every year that Ringmaster Mudkrab rolls into town and steals me customers. But this year he's parked his shabby tent show right on me property.
MMan
[drives by with girl] Hey, let's get a Krabby Patty.
WWoman
No, [points to circus] let's go to the circus instead. [they drive off, Mr. Krabs starts growling, on fire, slaps SpongeBob's watering can out of his hand]
Squidward
Well, since there's no [points to the right] work, [begins to walk away] I'll be going.
To the circus. [sticks out tongue, takes ticket]
Squidward
[stops walking] To the circus?
To destroy it. [laughs evilly]
Squidward
To destroy it?
To destroy it! [record scratches, confused] To destroy it?
No, no, [pats SpongeBob's head] boy-o, not destroy. I said "enjoy." We're going to enjoy the circus.
Oh. [Patrick falls from the sky]
[grabs SpongeBob and Squidward] Yay! We're going to the circus!
And it'll be fun [face contorts] for all ages. [laughs wickedly]
Squidward
Thanks for the ride!
[holding up egg salad sandwich] And the egg salad sandwiches. [shoves the sandwich into his mouth]
You folks are lucky! I was just heading into the city to pick up the new Farmer's Almanac!
To celebrate, I think I will have another one of those sandwiches. [reaches down into his seat]
Squidward
Whoa! You just ate!
I can almost reach. [plane bends]
Squidward
Whoa!
[The plane forms a crack in the middle.]
Stop shaking the plane or I'll pull this thing right over! [The plane breaks in half, and the back half with Squidward and Bubble Bass falls off.] Thank you. Much better.
EWEvil Witch
[reading the directions on Mr. Krabs' cookbook] A cup of milk? Two eggs? A loaf of bread? And kelp sugar? Eh, all right. [puts the ingredients in a cauldron] Shoo. [a plate of French toast floats up] French toast? [taps her wand in the green substance and hash browns, quiche, and huevos rancheros float up] Hash browns? Quiche? Huevos rancheros? What the heck? What's wrong with this blasted spellbook? [grabs the cookbook and reads the name] "Uncle Jimmy's Breakfast Magic"? It's a cookbook! Oh... I better find out who got my spell book, and fast. [the plate of quiche bumps into her arm] Huh? Right [the wand transforms into a fork] after I finish my quiche.
[Bubble transition back to inside the Krusty Krab, where the customers are still in the breakfast transformations with SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs in worry.]
Squidward
Why is this happening?
Maybe all the weird stuff I've been cooking caused all of this. [Squidward looks at him unamused, and SpongeBob chuckles nervously] Would explain the [the Necronomicon book flies out the order window] cauldron too. [points to the Necronomicon flying] And the flying cookbook.
[The cookbook flies to the front of the restaurant and emits a green light, which grabs various breakfast items to create a body.]
[as the cookbook forms the items into a body]'" The cookbook is using tasty breakfast treats to create a monster!
[The cookbook roars and everyone in the restaurant screams. The Evil Witch appears with a purple cloud emit.]
EWEvil Witch
Oh, so this is where my spell book went.
[The breakfast monster kicks barrels and a table away, breaks off another table and throws it at SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs - which they duck.]
Ooh, a customer! Take her order, Squidward.
EWEvil Witch
Uh, thanks, but I couldn't eat another bite! [belches] I'm here to swap books with ya. I think my spell book got mixed with your cookbook.
[with a bag of popcorn] Oh, my. I hope he isn't too hurt. [eats popcorn, chuckles]
[jumps down to Santa] Santa, talk to me, big fella. [grabs him]
SSanta
[groans, disoriented] Mrs. Claus, the Easter Bunny is here to see you. [points to Sandy]
Oh, that ain't good. Come on, Santa. Don't you know what day it is?
SSanta
Of course. [holds up a heart and flowers] Happy Valentine's Day! [kisses Sandy] Mwah. [falls over and groans]
Squidward
Oh, boy..
That old elf is one sugarplum shy of a fruitcake.
Yeah, bro. How is Santa gonna deliver our presents now?
Squidward
He's not. Sandy knocked him right out of the sky with her big dumb tree.
That's exactly why I don't trust trees. [SpongeBob puts his hand on his shoulder]
But what's the point of having Christmas without any [screams] PRESENTS!?
You, like, totally ruined Christmas. [cries, running off and knocking people over]
Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry, y'all.
It'll be OK, Sandy. At least Santa's having a good time.
SSanta
[walking drunkenly] Hey, where are you goin'? The party's just gettin' started. [party horn toots, falls down] Whoa! [party horn toots]
[puts her hands on her face] Oh!
[flips a patty in the kitchen, putting it all together on a plate]
Squidward
Huh? [to SpongeBob] Will you cut the pizzazz and finish the order? [grunts]
[opens a pickle jar, slipping] Whoops! [hits the pickles with his spatula, jumps onto Squidward's head, and leaps into the air, grabbing a rope and catching all the ingredients with a plate; he jumps on Squidward's head again and goes back into the kitchen]
[Squidward enters at The Krusty Krab.]
Squidward
Hello, Losers!
[his head turns Alaround) Hi, Squidward!
[while putting his money on a cash register] What's with all thr joy, Mr. Squidward?
Squidward
I'm a paid musician Now!
You? Musician? Paid?! [Starts laughing]
Squidward
Laugh all you Want, but it's True. I don't need This miniwage prison anymore! I quit! [Leaves in a huff, Mr. Krabs continues laughing]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
