[off-screen] The past few months have just been... really awful. There were these ICE raids and my dad's company went out of business. Then we lost our house and had to move into the old folks home with my grandpa. [cut to him in the counselor's office] It's like everything keeps changing and I really don't know how to cope with it.
Well, Jesus, it just seems like people aren't really as kind and giving as they used to be, you know? Like, I just got some money from Saudi Arabia and I'm thinking of sharing it. 'Cause I feel like that's what everyone needs right now. Like, a big Christmas miracle?
Jesus, I don't wanna live in an old folks home anymore, okay?! Now, I don't know what's made you change like this, but we need some god damn Christmas magic!
[enters the restroom, reluctantly goes to the toilet, and looks down at the bowl] I don't know if you can hear me, but I've been kinda wishing for a Christmas miracle. If miracles can still even happen, please, make it happen now?
[After a moment, a light shines from behind him and starts flickering; The Woodland Critters magically appear]
[giving out Christmas letters to all the elders] Christmas letters from home. Here you go. Some Christmas joy from your loved ones. There you go. [approaches Stan] Hey, there's one for you today. [gives him a letter]
[Stan sees that his letter is from Jesus, opens the envelope, and reads it]
[voice-over] "Dear Stan, I'm writing this because I owe you an apology and a thank you. You asked for a Christmas miracle, and I didn't listen. So now, go to this address."
No way! [exits the retirement home and walks down the streets; he arrives at his old residence being decorated with Christmas lights saying: "Merry Christmas Stan", and notices the letter came with a key; runs into the house, seeing the old interior and his old bedroom, smiling with joy; then exits the house and gazes up at the night sky] Thank you. Thank you!
[in a constellation appearance] I'll be here Stan, watching over everybody. Be good, and remember, never give up on the things that you commit to.
PPeggy
[in a constellation appearance] He's so great, isn't he? Merry Christmas everyone! Let's all have the happiest holidays! [singing]A Christian woman knows her place So go ahead and punch me in the face! 'Cause I deserve it, I was wrong! That's why I wrote this holiday song With my big fake tits And my Botox lips Saying Merry Christmas, Jesus Christ Come on, seniors, sing along~
