[Carl answers the front door]
BBryan
You Carl Gallagher?
Yeah. [Bryan punches Carl in the nose] What the fuck?!
BBryan
You took my recommendation to West Point. Congressman Ubberman promised it to me, and you stole it.
I think you broke my nose!
BBryan
Now my dad says I got to enlist in the Marines.
And that's my problem how?! What the fuck?! Stop hitting me!
BBryan
I'll fight you for it. A duel, to the death if necessary. I challenged you. You pick the weapons. Fists and feet, guns, knives, bats, bricks...
BBryan
Duty, country, honor-- it's the West Point way. Meet at Damen Silos, tomorrow at dusk. The person still breathing gets the recommendation.
I was staying at a motel in Gary, laying asphalt after high school. Invited the front-desk girl to my room for a few beers. We ended up having sex, but she kind of cried through the whole thing. What's that called?
You think she wanted me to stop?
You think she was crying because she was having a good time?
Being manipulative and pathetic.
About the only way I ever get sex is being manipulative and pathetic.
You ever jack off into a potted plant? Ask for massages wearing an open bathrobe? Hmm? Rape a couple dozen?
Then you're probably an Ansari.
That's just being a dick.
Slipped a woman a Quaalude once.
What about that handsy Dr. Rob at the clinic, with the deep body hugs and the butt pats?
Cartoon guy. He made Toy Story.
I love Toy Story. Buzz Lightyear! [Chuckles]
I mean, I slept with a woman I was dating's 19-year-old daughter last year. That got a name?
W- she made all the first moves, though.
You're gonna need a bigger board for your list, babe.
Consent, gentlemen. [Picks up stack of forms] A clear and verbal consent to participate in sexual activity, [Dumps stack on counter] freely given and reversible.
Even if we're both naked and already doing it?
Even if you're already naked and banging. [Door opens] When she says "stop," you stop.
BBeth
Beth Watson, Southside Beat.
Beth, thank you for coming. Can I get you something? Maybe a chilled glass of Chablis or a Cosmo?
MMercy
My sister says you have my kid. Xan. I want her back. [Follows Lip outside] Where is she?
MMercy
Where? I got to go get her.
MMercy
None of your goddamn business! Where's my kid?!
No, not until you tell me where she's gonna be living!
MMercy
We got an appointment!
Oh, you have an appointment?!
MMercy
Tell me where she is!
What kind of appointment, huh?! With Social Services?! You need to show up...!
MMercy
Give me my fucking kid!
...with Xan so you can keep collecting your benefits?! And then what, you're gonna dump her back out on to the streets?! Who the fuck do you think-- I'm someone who gives a shit about your daughter!
[Appears outside] Jesus, what the hell's going on out here?! I got customers!
Come back tomorrow with an "I Voted" sticker, and you get free nachos.
TTyesha
You're going to hell.
It's the way of the world, Tyesha. Every vote can be bought. Some votes are just cheaper than others.
TTyesha
You don't think giving away nachos for the Hispanic guy is maybe a tiny bit racist?
Ruiz is from Puerto Rico. Nachos are from Mexico. Hey, Jorge. You registered to vote?
You want to come in a little later tomorrow, have time to get your family and friends to the polls for Ruiz?
JJorge
I'm not voting for Ruiz.
TTyesha
Hey. Some handsome Irish dude out here waiting for you.
Okay, uh, we'll hit Pilsen. Then we'll go over to Logan Square.
[Sighs] The son of an Irish socialist helping a capitalist convince the immigrant masses to vote against their own interests. James Connolly would be spinning in his grave.
VTVan thug
Hey, you're Ian, right? Gay Jesus.
VTVan thug
Um... I've been watching your videos with my friends. Burning vans, the sermons... It's inspiring.
VTVan thug
You really believe that's what Jesus was teaching?
What, inclusion, love and acceptance for all? Yeah, absolutely.
VTVan thug
You don't think God sees homosexual bestiality as a sinful perversion of His divine creation?
VTVan thug
Get him! [Van side door opens and thugs chase Ian all the way home]
BBryan
We count off 20 paces, turn, and shoot.
Okay. [They cock their guns]
BBryan
Uh, back to back. Saw it in a movie.
[Carl and Bryan both count to twenty and Bryan shoots himself in the leg near the knee]
What the hell did you do that for?!
BBryan
I don't want to go to West Point!
BBryan
It's my dad! [He screams] I want to go to Sarah Lawrence and be a poet.
BBryan
[Gasping] Hey, hey, hey... Oh, I'm a--I'm a cripple now. I don't have to go into the military.
Yeah, I don't know if it works like that. It's a flesh wound. Probably heal up pretty quick.
BBryan
Shit! Shit! Shoot me.
BBryan
Yeah, through the bone. All right, I'll have a limp. Great poets have limps.
BBryan
"I wander, lonely as a cloud that floats on high o'er vale and hills, when all at once, I see a crowd, a host, of golden daffodils..."
Jesus, knock off that golden daffodils shit.
BBryan
"Besides the lake beneath the trees, fluttering, dancing in the breeze, continuous as the stars that shine and twinkle in the..." [Carl shoots Bryan deep in the leg near his crotch] Oh! Fuck! Fuck! Thank you. [Gasping with Carl standing over him with a look of schadenfreudesque pleasure] Ah! Oh! Ah! Oh, one was enough. I'm good. [Carl walks away] Ah, hey. Hey, thanks, man. Dude, kill it at West Point!
Those hairy-armpit Rastas are tougher than they look. [Chuckles] Hey. Fought the good fight, Mo. You got nothing to be ashamed of.
[Mo White supporters start cheering around TV]
FTFemale TV newscaster
In a shocking development on the South Side, and with all polling locations now reporting, Maurice "Mo" White is the surprise victor...
FTFemale TV newscaster
...collecting just over 52% of the votes cast.
MWMo White supporters
[Chanting] Mo White...
FTFemale TV newscaster
Pollsters admit that estimates were likely skewed due to the reluctance of most voters to admit they're actually bigots.
You're a congressman again. What are you gonna do?
MWMo White supporters
[Chanting]Mo White!
MWMo White supporters
[Chanting] Mo White!
Absolutely nothing. That's the beauty of being in Congress. You don't have to do a goddamn thing.
[before flashback scenes] No, absolutely not. We're not gonna be showing you a recap of last week because you were too busy. Get the hell out of here. All right, all right, stop your whining. Fine, here you go.
How do you listen to this crap?
This is indie folk country.
It's like if a bad hipster band smacked into a truck of cows.
Well, switch it if you want.
[Tooling on a tablet] Isn't your code your birthday?
Put it in the American why or the right way?
There. Irish, even. Little on the nose.
You know, U2 is the band most made love to in all of Ireland.
Oh, well, you're in America now, bitch.
Mickey's in Mexico. Fuck off, rectum boy.
I'm not here to see Mickey. I'm here to see you.
What, you trying to faggify all of us?
You don't faggify people. That's not how-- how much time'd you do in the pen?
Eighteen years, on and off.
Depends on your definition of bad. Mouth-and ass-rapings-- which you'd probably enjoy-- beatings by the guards, food sucked--
You were mouth- and ass-raped?
You kidding? I did the raping. Milkoviches don't bottom.
Okay, rapings... food, guards-- I can handle that shit. I just need to know if--
Anyone can handle that shit. It's the boredom that'll kill you. Starts out, you're figuring out your surroundings. Then the day-to-day sets in. Start reading books, lifting weights, fuck a few of the pussy boys in the yard, but you're in the same place with the same assholes, doing the same shit every second of every hour of every day of every goddamned year. I was you, I'd pack my shit and run.
Should've heard these women's stories. Rapes, beatings- I had no idea. If you had no idea, you've been walking around with blinders on.
Do you know how many times a day a guy touches me inappropriately? Hell, some asshole on the L yesterday stuck his nose in my cooch, said he lost his balance.
RRegina
Yeah. A guy pulled my dress off my shoulder at a club Saturday. Licked my nipple. Never seen him before in my life.
I won't get on an escalator if I'm wearing a skirt.
RRegina
I wear a wedding ring everywhere to keep the assholes from bothering me.
All right, we get it. Christ.
I'm sorry. Is this stuff making you boys uncomfortable? Welcome to womanhood.
Easy answer, yes, but Kev made me sign some form that I wouldn't fuck anyone who's too drunk to provide consent.
He's the Vagina Safe guy.
Tell Kev I can keep my own vagina safe.
...
[Carl wakes up with Kelly on top of him]
Did you film yourself fucking me while I was passed out?!
I filmed myself not fucking you as proof!
You lying piece of shit! [Carl shove her off him]
Why didn't you just leave me here?
I didn't want you to choke on your own puke.
[Kelly kicks out Carl's leg and he falls down]
You're just like those rich pricks downstairs who think girls are their personal fuck toys. Your clip-on tie is gonna hurt way worse than a real one when I shove it 12...! [Carl knocks her down and runs out the room]
[Knocks on door of Nessa and Mel and they answer]
Oh, you guys have a kid too. Oh, we should have a playdate sometime.
I'm Debbie. Gallagher? Fiona's sister?
Yeah? So... Uh, how did you guys know that you were lesbians?
MMel
Really? [Turns and walks away]
You're a lesbian? Uh... What are all those keys for?
I don't know. So confusing.
MMel
What is confusing about it? You either like girls, or you don't.
I thought I did, but Alex--
My ex-girlfriend. She says I'm bad at lesbianism.
MMel
[Reappears] That's- okay...
I don't even know what that means.
MMel
All right. Look at me. [Opens bathrobe to show body to Debbie]
MMel
Are you thinking about my pussy right now?
MMel
[Leans in and kisses Debbie] You like that? Then that's all the lesbian you need to be.
She means you like what you like, and none of the rest of it matters, okay?
TToby
Should we start this thing?
Well, is there anyone else coming or...
TToby
It's the afternoon. Maybe everyone's stuck at work.
Yeah, we're a bunch of alcoholics. What's the likelihood of us all holding down jobs?
TToby
Shorter meeting would be better anyway. Need to get to a gig.
TToby
I'm a sober companion.
TToby
I'm a babysitter for drunks. If an addict has something coming up need to stay sober for, I keep them away from the booze.
TToby
I'm getting 100 bucks to keep some teacher dry before an annual review. I got five grand to keep a prep school quarterback sober during recruitment season.
Anyway, should we review the steps and get out of Dodge?
Hey. What you doing up there?
Putting away my stuff till I get back. Hand me those bags.
You decide what you want to do today yet? I could call in sick from work.
Well, I don't think I want to do anything.
Ah, come on, we got to do something. It's your last day of freedom.
Nah, I think I just want to hang at the house. You heading into the shop today?
I got a job as a sober companion for the next couple hours. Hey, uh, how about we ride the El up to Wrigley when I get back? Beat the shit out of some Cubs fans?
Yeah, I don't need more time added to my sentence. What's a sober companion?
I'm babysitting some rich lush, making sure they don't drink.
Anybody who can't stop drinking on his own is a pussy.
We could take you to a gay bar and get you laid.
Pretty sure I'll get laid a lot in prison.
Yo, what are we doing today? My new lady and I are supposed to go work out, but I could cancel it.
He doesn't want to do anything.
What? You don't want to steal a car, or drop bowling balls off a freeway?
[Lip meets Toby waiting outside hotel room door]
TToby
Hey, man, thanks for covering for me.
TToby
Client's in the room now.
TToby
Hey, took an Ambien. She'll probably be asleep till tonight.
TToby
She got a stockholders' meeting in the morning with Highland Cosmetics. She's their keynote speaker, Jen Wagner. If she shows up hammered, the company's gonna drop her as their spokesperson.
You're talking about Jen Wagner, the movie star chick?
TToby
Yeah, that's the one.
Uh, I didn't know she was a boozer.
TToby
Everybody got their demons, right?
TToby
I should be back from dropping off my kid at camp around 5:00 to relieve you.
All right. Yeah-yeah, I got you.
Yeah. [Toby walks down hall]
