FionaDebbie, that is not the outfit that we picked out for your first day, and you are so not leaving here in that.
I borrowed it from Mandy.
Fiona
Clearly.
You do realize that I'm in middle school now, right?
Fiona
Yeah, not stripper school. Go change.
...
Fiona
Mandy, she's 13. She's not working the bedroom at the Mustang Ranch.
Yeah, like you never wore a short skirt when you were her age.
Jeez, Fi, she's just trying to help.
...
Fiona
Can you take Liam tomorrow?
Not sure. Those fruits of Islam people on 4th have a free daycare. If I say I hate whitey, I bet they'll watch him for a few hours. So is Lip getting serious about Mandy "Skankovich"? [Mandy appears behind her]
Oh, shit, Mandy, I'm sorry. You know I would have never said that to your face. Should I apologize or leave? I'm gonna leave.
[Debbie is at Sheila's house when Fiona calls and Debbie answers]
Fiona
Debbie, you were just supposed to drop Liam there. Why aren't you at school? Are you sick?
Fiona
Monica's home?
No, no, no. Code pink at Sheila's. I'll explain later, okay?
Fiona
Fine, explain later. But you're in big trouble.
It's nothing. I was just trying to explain to Fiona Why I'm not at school. It's like a code word we have.
Are you skipping school because of me?
I didn't want to go anyway. All anyone ever does is try to copy off me. But no one wants to sit with me at lunch. Everybody's mean. Middle school's stupid. Mean girls suck.
My daughter's a mean girl. I don't know how it happened.
Hey, if how we turn out is all about how our mother is, then I'm pretty screwed, right?
[Debbie beats Carl to the occupancy of the bathroom]
Fiona
Use the downstairs bathroom.
Fiona
You're young. You'll live. [Carl walks down hallway] No. Absolutely not. No more peeing off the balcony. [Fiona goes outside and a stream goes near her] What the fuck?! Carl! [Waves to woman in her backyard] Good morning, Mrs. Babiak. [Carl comes down stairs] There's a toilet right there. Mrs. Babiak doesn't need an anatomy lesson.
Mrs. Babiak's got my 18th birthday circled on her calendar.
Fiona
Use the toilet like a human.
Can I have Lip's old room?
Fiona
No. He's at college. Seriously, cut the shit with the nature whizzing or you won't live here anymore. That pierogi-eating prune will call the cops. And no, you can't have Lip's old room.
Fiona
I am almost done with the quarterly Midwest regional reports. Can I get them to you after lunch? No sweat.
Fiona
What?
CConnie
You've been working here three months as of today.
Fiona
Wow, three months? Really? Great.
CConnie
After 90 days your full benefits kick in. Medical, dental, pension.
Fiona
Really? That's fantastic.
CConnie
So now it's time for the talk.
Fiona
The talk?
CConnie
[Sets binder on Fiona's desk and opens it] The 401 K talk. Have you decided which plan you'd like to adopt?
Fiona
What's a 401 K?
CConnie
Your retirement savings plan. You're eligible to participate. Every month you deposit part of your salary into your 401 K and the company matches it, tax-free.
Fiona
Deposit part of my salary?
CConnie
But the big decision is the asset allocation mix you decide to elect. Money market funds, bonds, stocks, large cap, small cap, treasuries. :
Fiona
You decide the risk profile you're willing to take, get your elective deferral documents notarized and you'll be all set. Easy peasy.
Fiona
That's the last time I let you choose the tunes in the morning.
MMike
Yeah, you just keep acting like you hate British boy bands. I think it's adorable.
Fiona
Everybody hates them. I'm sorry I'm not a 12-year-old girl.
MMike
Yeah, well, I usually don't go lower than 14. And, you know, next time we can listen to your gangsta rap.
Fiona
Since when is Kanye considered gangsta rap?
MMike
Since always. Where'd you learn music? Mars?
Fiona
[Walks up to Mike mimicking humping] Your mom. Last time I banged her.
MMike
Oh, yeah? That makes a lot more sense. She has awful taste.
[Fiona is on the toilet]
Fiona
Jesus, I'm raising five kids and I didn't miss last week. What's your excuse? [Calls out] Carl!
...
Bam, you drop trou and expos-ay some sex-ay.
[Debbie and appears in doorway with excessively shiny dress]
Why'd you go over there in the first place?
Fiona
To tell him to knock it off.
Fiona
You're taking his side?
Please, you wanted a hit, you little smack head.
Fiona
I did not.
Really? Did you get that little tingle when you stepped up to his front door?
Fiona
Maybe. What do you want me to say, that I'm self-destructive? That liars and thieves and addicts turn me on? That I don't know how to do a normal relationship?
Fiona
The worst part is I keep checking my phone to see if he's texted. I mean, what the fuck is wrong with me?
[Glances at medical supply cabinet] Who the hell broke into my pills?
[Recap flashbacks of the cold open]
You let some dude finger you last night on the El?
Fiona
You make it sound so filthy. And he's not just any dude.
No, he's your boyfriend's brother!
...
Get on. [Carl jumps on Frank's leg, he exclaims and then goes back to sleep]
[Fiona drives to meet Robbie at a motel]
RRobbie
You're wondering why I picked this corner?
Fiona
I'm really not. Well, it's 'cause-- You call me when I'm with Mike. Text me when I'm with Mike. How about we just cut out the middleman, which is me, and you can fuck your brother?
RRobbie
I'm bringing you there.
Fiona
No. You're going on with your life, I'm--
RRobbie
Oh, this motel? It's classy. Rooms by the hour. That's why it's fun.
Fiona
You know how last time when I told you to stop texting me and it turned into sex? This isn't that. I don't know why it took me this long to start hating myself, but I got there. It's a shitty feeling. I'm not punishing you or blaming you. I just really need this to end.
[Robbie opens apartment door and is punched in the face by Fiona]
Fiona
Tell me what you told Mike!
RRobbie
The truth! He needed to know. [Fiona kicks him in the crotch] Oh!
Fiona
Oh, that was for his sake? How generous.
RRobbie
I did you a favor, okay?
Fiona
Fuck you.
RRobbie
You don't want to be with him.
Fiona
You don't know shit about me. [Spits in his face and walks out]
Fiona
Smells good.
Fiona
Where'd you get all this stuff?
Fiona
Thanks. [Clears throat] So, I had my prelim hearing.
Fiona
Yeah. My lawyer's gonna try to get me probation if I plead guilty.
Fiona
Might have to serve a little time though.
Fiona
90 days or less.
All right. I suppose we'll manage.
Fiona
Or I could go to trial.
Why would you want to do that?
Fiona
Why wouldn't I do that?
Because you'll get convicted.
Fiona
You don't know that.
Fiona
I made a mistake.
Fiona
It was an accident.
Fiona
You don't think I know that? You don't think I'm blaming myself enough already so I need you to do it too? [Sighs]
So how long are you in prison if, ah, if you lose?
Fiona
Five years.
So that makes me almost 25, still at home, taking care of the kids.
Fiona
I know I can win.
Ghetto chick leaves her drսg addict boyfriend's coke out for her three-year-old brother to eat. Half a gram in the system. Yeah, you're right. You can totally win.
Fiona
I didn't do it on purpose.
Fiona
[Sighs] (again) I turned my back, for, like, two seconds, and now my life is ruined? How is that fair?
You're his guardian. You signed up for this.
Fiona
I can't go back to jail.
Of course, this is all about you.
Fiona
Yes, it's about me. Okay, 'cause it's never about me and I'm finally making it about me.
So what, I'm supposed to drop out of school you do five years?
Fiona
I'M NOT GUILTY!
LIAM NOT DIED! And that was you! All f****** you! Your coke, your boyfriend, your f***** up life! It's not mine. All right.
Frank's passed out up in the bathroom.
Oh, f*ck. S***. He's shooting heroin now.
Fiona
Oh, my God.
All right, use a f****** towel. I got him. You got him?
Where we always do-- street.
Good. You're home. You deal with him.
Fiona
He's unconscious.
Must have had too many oxys.
Save it. All right? Just get him the f*ck out of the house.
I warned you. Now go! Carl, come here. Get rid of any evidence in Frank's room, all right?
He is too sick to leave the house.
Yeah, no s***! You just let him s**** a bunch of f****** H!
What if the social worker had showed up right now?
These kids would've been taken away. And what do you care, huh? You just want to make nicey-nicey with daddy. You get the **** out of my house!
Fiona
You have to go, Sammi.
Fiona
Finding ways to make money from home.
Huh. Hey, is something burning? Smell that?
Fiona
Oh, shit. Oh, shit! shit! [Laughs]
Fiona
Oh, my God! Oh, shit!
[Smoke alarm beeping]
Fiona
Fire in the hole.
Not my hole. [Both laughing]
You just let it burn?
Fiona
We got distracted.
[He turned around and see two bottles of vodka that she is drinking too much.] You're shitfaced.
Fiona
Since when is a felony for a Gallagher to drink?
Calm down. It's my fault. I brought the vodka.
Oh, and poured it down her throat?
Fiona
You're the one who told me to relax. SOMEBODY SHUT THAT THING UP! [She continues laughing]
[Smoke alarm continues beeping]
Fuck. Burn the house down, okay? Burn the food too, you know, I can always steal some more from my shitty work-study job, right?
Fiona
I'm going through something here.
Yeah, it looks like you went through about five beverages in an hour, Fiona. Have another one. Why not? You're your own woman. Right? No, bang the boss's brother. Leave coke out on the table for the kids. Get arrested. Do whatever the fuck you need to do. I've got this. Hey, Carl, go upstairs, get your toothbrush and something to sleep in.
Fiona
He has the suspension meeting tomorrow.
Oh, no worries. No worries. I'll get him to Shelia's on time. Stay up all night studying? I mean, what the fuck? It's just an applied physics quiz. Where's Debbie?
Fiona
She's at Sheila's with Sammi.
You're not answering your phone?
I didn't hear it. What's up?
What. Oh, s***. Wish us luck.
There's something burning.
Fiona
Go-- no. Hey, come on. Lip, please. You don't have to take them.
Fiona
Come on. What about dinner?
Enjoy. [As he leaves the house with Liam and close the door]
[Smoke alarm continues beeping]
Fiona
[Sighs] Shut up! [Screams]
Shameless · 903 quotes
