TV show quotes
[Sarge boosts Caboose to look through a window]
Whoa!
What do you see?
I see... a room.
And? What's in the room?
There are some walls, and some ceilings... wait! Just one ceiling.
What's making all that racket?
Kill the reds! Kill the reds! Kill the reds! Kill the reds! Kill the reds!
You are not going to like it.
[Camera goes back to both Sarge and Caboose]
Caboose, I have a veery bad feeling ab-[Sarge notices the trumpet playing again]...What's that?
[Blues come running out of their base, firing weapons madly in all directions]
Chaaarge! Chaaaarge! Yeaaaah! Woo-hoo!
[Red Soldiers run out of their base, also firing their weapons madly in all directions screamin taunts]
Come on Caboose! We got to get to higher ground!
Yeah, I love reloading, I love to reload!
[Red Soldier pops up and hits him in the back of the head]
Oh! Back of the head! Tell my girlfriend that I love her...
She's my girlfriend now bitch!
Come on Caboose! [Sarge and Caboose climb a ladder to a cliff above]
[From their new vantage point, Caboose and Sarge view the scene below them: Multiple reds and blues shooting non-stop at each other]
Yeah, get some! You want some!?
Sarge, I am scared of our new friends.
Ah, sonny-bo-no, what's going on here?
[Trumpet plays once and a Red carrying a blue flag runs out of the blue base]
Stop fighting, stop fighting everyone, stop fighting! [everyone stops shooting and looks at him]
You all look alike to me!
Everyone, everyone, look unto me! I possess the blue flag!
It's more beautiful than I ever imagined!
I have seen the top of the mountain! And you will worship me as though I were a god!
[Four Blue soldiers run in and kill him]
I regret nothing! I lived as few men dare to dream!
[The Reds and Blues look between the dead Zealot and each other a few times and continue to shoot at each other]
[A red soldier runs up behind a blue and kills him]
Oh yeah! Oh no!
[The soldier gets killed by a sniper shot to the head]
Head shot! [The sniper gets hit by a rocket] Oh! You rocket whore!
Yeah! You want some!? I got some for you! How 'bout you?
The only good blue is a dead blue!
Christ, this water's cold!
Hey, ho, hey, ho, hey, ho, hey, YO!
[The Blue soldier gets hit by a rocket]
Weak! You took my kill!
I didn't see your name on it!
[As the Rocket Soldier runs past a rock, he gets shot and killed by a blue hiding behind the rock]
Oh, you fucking camping bitch!
It's a legitimate strategy!
[The blue runs away, and when he runs out from behind a rock, he almost gets hit by a sniper shot]
Whoa!
Damn! Hey Blue, we're the only two left, let's work together!
What do you mean?
I'm coming out!
Okay, I'm coming out too!
[The two meet in the middle of the creek]
What did you mean we could work as a team?
[The Red Sniper smashes his rifle into the Blue Camper's head, killing him]
I bash you in the head with my rifle, and you die! Good teamwork, you fucking noob! Good game! Good game everybody, GG man, GG! [The Sniper dies with no cause] Blah!
I have no earthly idea what it is I just saw, or what this place is, or where in the hell O'Malley is! My only choice is to blame Grif for coming up with such a flawed plan. Stupid, stupid Grif.
I am so confused. Where is Church? I need Church to tell me what to think. Church can handle this, he can handle anything!
[Camera shifts to a new map, Sidewinder]
Hey, asshole, for the last time, LET ME OUT OF THIS GOD DAMN JAIL CELL!!!
Yeah, let him out! He's driving me nuts!
Oh shut up red, nobody asked you!
I should have never listened to Donut's stupid fucking plan...
Caboose, we have to break this neverending cycle of attack-and-retaliation either by a) convincing the two sides to live in peace, or b) by getting ourselves completely involved and kicking some serious ass! I vote b.
I have a plan, Sergeant, but we will have to move quick. Listen, [runs up to Sarge and whispers] whisper whisper whisper Do you think that will work?
That's your plan? All you said was 'whisper whisper whisper'.
I know, I just want to be the one with the plan for once.
[Sarge and Caboose's negotiation fails and the grunts continue to kill each other]
Caboose, I give up...
Wait! I can make them listen. I can beat them!
Son, What are you talkin' about?
O'Malley taught me how to be mean! I just have to (grunting) concentrate, on, bad, things, like milk! No, wait, red... Red Bull!
Son, I think you may have lost it. O'Malley is not inside your head anymore! He infected the Doc!
No, I can feel him! I just need to get angry and say, mean, things, like Your, brain, is, a mountain, of hatred!
I never thought I'd reach the moment in my life when I actually miss Grif...But here it is.
Now, I, am, thinking, about... kittens! Guh, kit-tens, cov-ered in spikes! That makes, me, angry!
[Caboose lets out a primal scream as he leaps down among Battle Creek players]
Yearh!
[He lands]
My name is Michael J. Caboose, and I hate babies!
It's the beast! The anti-flag, come to live among us and rule us for seven years! The end is nigh! [gets killed by "Evil Caboose"] Dyhurg!
[killed] Yikes!
[killed] Yowzaa!
[they are standing in a row, Caboose mows them dow with sniper rifle] Ow! Wee! Wow!
I will eat your unhappiness!
Your toast has been burned and no amount of scraping will remove the black parts.
Aww shut up Caboose!
[Simmons has saved Sarge and Caboose from Battle Creek]
What happened? The last thing I remember was a very mean kitten, and then we were in this janitor's closet, and my throat hurts, a lot.
What was that weird place Sarge?
Simmons, I have absolutely no idea.
[The Battle Creek teams confront each other]
Well, I guess it's back to basics now! Get ready for destruction, Blues! We're gonna kick your ass! We have become death, destroyer of wo— Oh wait, hold on. I gotta take out the trash; I'll be right back.
[O'Malley calls Vic and encounters his answering service]
Vic, pick up, it's me, [evil laughter].
Oh hey, Doctor Baron von Evil Satan. What's up, dude?
Don't screen my calls, Vic.
Dude, if you don't come up on Caller ID I'm not just gonna answer anything—
Caller ID? I'm in hiding, you buffoon! I'm trying to take over the Universe! [evil laughter]
We're also on the "Do Not Call" list.
Oh, Shut up!
Keeping secrets? I find that attractive
You do?
In attractive people, yeah
everybody in the division was paired with an AI and codenamed for a state
what was your code name Tex?
Nevada
One for each state? So there's fifty of you.
Forty-nine. Remember?
Ooh, yeah. That's right. Man, poor Florida. (Tex, Donut, and Tucker all stare at the ground and take a moment of silence) Sigh...
OK , Anyway.
There's no "I" in team, Grif.
Yeah, there's no "U" either. So I guess if I'm not on the team, and you're not on the team, nobody's on the god-damn team. The team sucks!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Red vs Blue pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
