“Under the Weather (Episode 73)” quotes from Red vs Blue

No, we came home because the alien died, and because the, uh, glowing sword turned out to be a, uh, glowing key.

Yeah, glowing key that can still stab people.

Right.

So it is a sword, It just happens to function like a key in very specific situations.

Or it's a key all the time, and when you stick it in people, it unlocks their death.

God damn man, I would love to live in your world for about ten minutes.

Yeah. I have a really good time.

Ehehehyeah, it seems like it. You know I don't think I'd get anything done, but I probably wouldn't care that much.

Hey, you don't think it's the sword that's makin' him sick, do you?

I don't see how. It hasn't sneezed once.

We don't know anything about it though. Maybe it runs on radiation and it's poisoning him.

Or, maybe it runs on solar power!

Why would solar power make him sick?

Is he a Republican?

(retches)

That better have been in your bucket!

I'll get the mop.

Andy, what in the Hell happened to Tucker on this little adventure you guys took?

How should I know?

He ate all my food, then just threw it up...could have just thrown it on the floor, and cut out the middle-man...

Yeah, plus, now, he's moody as Hell. I went to ask him if he's feeling better and he practically bit my God-damn head off!

I bet he just would have thrown up your head, later...and then you could just put it right back on, and it'd be fine.

He was fine on the trip. Maybe he's allergic to you. I know I get nauseous when I look at ya.

[still ringing] For the love of evil, someone get the phone!

[Subtitled, with Lopez off-screen] [still ringing] Why don't you get it?

[still ringing] You fool, can't you see I'm busy with an evil plot! What do I pay you for?

[Subtitled, with Lopez off-screen] [still ringing] To clean up after all your failed plots.

[still ringing] Oh shut up you fool, you don't even have a body!

[Subtitled, with Lopez off-screen] [still ringing] Yes. Because of one of your failed plots.

[still ringing] Why all this bickering, can't we all just get along?

[still ringing] And answer the damn phone!

[Subtitled, with Lopez off-screen] Why do we have a million doomsday devices and no answering machine?

[still ringing] I find you far too sarcastic with just a head.