[The movie's opening credits list Dick Sargent.]
CCrow
Dick Sargent. Didn't he play Dick York on Bewitched?
S8Parts: The Clonus Horror
[Two bare-chested male clones are competing in Greco-Roman wrestling.]
SAServo [as Guide]
This is not sanctioned, gentlemen. You are doing this on your own…
[Clones Lena and Richard chat by a campfire.]
LLena
I like it. It gives me time to write.
Write?
LLena
Yeah, I write my thoughts and my ideas.
CACrow [as Lena]
I've already filled a Post-it note.
[Clones Len and Richard wake up the next morning after a night of sex and, thanks to camera positioning, it looks like Richard's crotch is smoking.]
CCrow
Wow, she really WAS on top of Ol' Smokey!
[Clone Richard searches through some top-secret files.]
MAMike [as Richard/Winston Smith]
Whaddya know -- we aren't at war with Eurasia!
. . .
[Richard reads a file written in a careful, round cursive.]
CCrow
Thanks to Miss Taylor's fourth-grade class for transcribing our secret clone notes!
. . .
MAMike [as Richard]
Black helicopter… Roswell… Area 51… Waco… formula for Coca-Cola…
[Rick Knight confronts his brother Jeff about an incriminating videotape.]
RRick
You knew about the tape, didn't you?
JJeff
Yeah. You saw the tape?
RRick
Yeah, and it's scary.
CACrow [as Rick]
Adam Sandler's in it.
[As the movie's closing credits scroll, Servo riffs on Peter Graves's brother James Arness.]
SAServo [as Peter Graves]
"James Arness: Ugly and Stupid". Tonight on Biography.
[The crowd cheers wildly at Senator Knight's campaign rally.]
Hooray for the '70s!
CCrow
Shaun Cassidy for President!
We want Billy Beer!
Oh, I don't think this is headed toward a happy ending.
Y'know, at this point any ending would make me happier than I've ever been.
JJake
This place you keep talking about, Clonus...
SAServo [as Jake]
Is there a bar?
. . .
JJake
Professor, you know that tape will blow the lid off of everything?
CACrow [as Jake]
Speaking of, where's the bathroom?
S8The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies
[As the show opens, the Bots are doing walkathons.]
Uh, what about you, Servo?
Well, I'm walking for "Helping Children Through Research And Development".
Oh, HeCTRAD! Yeah, I think I've heard of that group. It's a good group.
No, actually "HELPING CHILDREN THROUGH RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT" is the acronym, Mike. It stands for "Hi, Everyone. Let's Pitch In 'N' Get Cracking Here In Louisiana Doing Right, Eh? Now Then. Hateful Rich Overbearing Ugly Guys Hurt Royally Everytime Someone Eats A Radish, Carrot, Hors d'oeuvre, And Never Does Dishes. Eventually, Victor Eats Lunch Over Peoria Mit Ein Neuesberger Tod".
[The opening credits show a man's face decaying into a zombie's face.]
The shroud of David Schwimmer.
. . .
Face is the result of slash and burn shaving.
MAMike [as zombie]
You'd tell me if my face was disintergrating, right?
He's turning into a brisket.
CCrow
It's a portrait of Bob Dole's inner child.
. . .
CCrow
He's turning into a seed sculpture from the state fair.
. . .
CCrow
Tom Petty in the morning.
. . .
CCrow
You know, seaweed makes a perfectly acceptible toupee.
[Cut to a toy clown laughing.]
Ah, good old-fashioned nightmare fuel.
[On the music in the opening credits]
CCrow
The organ has emphysema.
. . .
Come hear [credited as music] Libby Quinn play the organ with her feet.
[singing to the "Libby's, Libby's, Libby's on the Label, Label, Label" jingle] If it says Libby's, Libby's, Libby's, in the credits, credits, credits, you won't like it, like it, like it...
The music's gonna break into "Chest Fever" any minute.
[Lounging with friend Harold, Jerry rejects the idea of work.]
The world's… here to be enjoyed, not to make you depressed. That's what work does, Harold--it makes you feel... depressed.
Goofus and Gallant, the movie.
How's college?
MMadison
Fine. You should try it some time.
No thanks. The world's my college.
CCrow
He's taking it pass-fail.
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