[Voices are heard whispering and muttering.]
CCrow
Mike, I think the voices in my head are a little louder than usual.
“Parts: The Clonus Horror” · Season 8
In this episode: Crow T. Robot (9), Tom Servo (5), Mike Nelson (3), Rick (1), Jeff (1), Richard (1)
[The title card reads 'parts: the clonus horror']
CCrow
Apparently e. e. cummings wrote it.
[The movie's opening credits list Dick Sargent.]
CCrow
Dick Sargent. Didn't he play Dick York on Bewitched?
[Two bare-chested male clones are competing in Greco-Roman wrestling.]
SAServo [as Guide]
This is not sanctioned, gentlemen. You are doing this on your own…
[Clones Lena and Richard chat by a campfire.]
LLena
I like it. It gives me time to write.
Write?
LLena
Yeah, I write my thoughts and my ideas.
CACrow [as Lena]
I've already filled a Post-it note.
[Clones Len and Richard wake up the next morning after a night of sex and, thanks to camera positioning, it looks like Richard's crotch is smoking.]
CCrow
Wow, she really WAS on top of Ol' Smokey!
[Clone Richard searches through some top-secret files.]
MAMike [as Richard/Winston Smith]
Whaddya know -- we aren't at war with Eurasia!
. . .
[Richard reads a file written in a careful, round cursive.]
CCrow
Thanks to Miss Taylor's fourth-grade class for transcribing our secret clone notes!
. . .
MAMike [as Richard]
Black helicopter… Roswell… Area 51… Waco… formula for Coca-Cola…
[Rick Knight confronts his brother Jeff about an incriminating videotape.]
RRick
You knew about the tape, didn't you?
JJeff
Yeah. You saw the tape?
RRick
Yeah, and it's scary.
CACrow [as Rick]
Adam Sandler's in it.
[As the movie's closing credits scroll, Servo riffs on Peter Graves's brother James Arness.]
SAServo [as Peter Graves]
"James Arness: Ugly and Stupid". Tonight on Biography.
[The crowd cheers wildly at Senator Knight's campaign rally.]
Hooray for the '70s!
CCrow
Shaun Cassidy for President!
We want Billy Beer!
Oh, I don't think this is headed toward a happy ending.
Y'know, at this point any ending would make me happier than I've ever been.
JJake
This place you keep talking about, Clonus...
SAServo [as Jake]
Is there a bar?
. . .
JJake
Professor, you know that tape will blow the lid off of everything?
CACrow [as Jake]
Speaking of, where's the bathroom?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.