[As the show opens, the Bots are doing walkathons.]
Uh, what about you, Servo?
Well, I'm walking for "Helping Children Through Research And Development".
Oh, HeCTRAD! Yeah, I think I've heard of that group. It's a good group.
No, actually "HELPING CHILDREN THROUGH RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT" is the acronym , Mike. It stands for "Hi, Everyone. Let's Pitch In 'N' Get Cracking Here In Louisiana Doing Right, Eh? Now Then. Hateful Rich Overbearing Ugly Guys Hurt Royally Everytime Someone Eats A Radish, Carrot, Hors d'oeuvre, And Never Does Dishes. Eventually, Victor Eats Lunch Over Peoria Mit Ein Neuesberger Tod".
[The opening credits show a man's face decaying into a zombie's face.]
The shroud of David Schwimmer.
. . .
Face is the result of slash and burn shaving.
MA Mike [as zombie]
You'd tell me if my face was disintergrating, right?
He's turning into a brisket.
It's a portrait of Bob Dole's inner child.
. . .
He's turning into a seed sculpture from the state fair.
. . .
Tom Petty in the morning.
. . .
You know, seaweed makes a perfectly acceptible toupee.
[Cut to a toy clown laughing.]
Ah, good old-fashioned nightmare fuel.
[On the music in the opening credits]
. . .
Come hear [credited as music] Libby Quinn play the organ with her feet.
[singing to the "Libby's, Libby's, Libby's on the Label, Label, Label" jingle] If it says Libby's, Libby's, Libby's, in the credits, credits, credits, you won't like it, like it, like it...
The music's gonna break into "Chest Fever" any minute.
[Lounging with friend Harold, Jerry rejects the idea of work.]
The world's… here to be enjoyed, not to make you depressed. That's what work does, Harold--it makes you feel... depressed .
Goofus and Gallant , the movie.
M Madison
Fine. You should try it some time.
No thanks. The world's my college.
He's taking it pass-fail.
[Zebra-striped dancers move in formation to a oddly "Silent Night"-like tune.]
Hair-trigger precision. They're like the Blue Angels of dancing.
Yeah, one wrong move and they all crash .
[The singer and dancers are performing "Shook Out of Shape". Mike and the Bots sing their own words.]
MA Mike [as Singer]
First blade lifts, the second one cuts. You get your…
MC Mike, Crow [as Chorus]
Schick out of shape!
[Confused, acid-scarred Jerry is being tossed around in the surf.]
[You know] how some movies inspire you to make your own movie? This one inspires me to make my own gravy .
[Jerry and Harold discuss Jerry's girlfriend's mother]
Her mother doesn't like anything. Especially me.
H Harold
Well, if you get a job or something, she might change her mind, you know?
SA Servo [as Jerry]
I'm a respected neurosurgeon!
[After seeing who played Madison]
[Zebra-striped dancers move in formation to a oddly "Silent Night"-like tune.]
You know, the 14-year-old boys who snuck in with fake IDs, they gotta be feeling profoundly ripped off at this point.
The "Feliz Navidad" dancers.
. . .
Now, were these dance numbers supposed to be provocative or merely boring?
Well, provocative in their boringness?
. . .
Hair-trigger precision. They're like the Blue Angels of dancing.
Yeah, one wrong move and they all crash .
There's something Laverne & Shirley -esque about this.
. . .
Riverdance : The strip show!
Ah, halftime at the Orange Bowl. Never fails to disappoint.
. . .
So how is this a tribute to Madeline Albright?
[as Carmelita performs]
Joel Grey, ladies and gentlemen.
Isn't that the guy Danny Bonaduce beat up?
Watch as she walks around.
You know, Noam Chomsky should pick better warm-up acts.
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