[Louhi discovers that her Sampo is gone.]
LLouhi
Where is the many-colored dome of the Sampo?
Uh, ma'am, the dome is an option that you did not order...
S4The Day the Earth Froze (movie)
[As the statues of Elias Lönnrot and Impi start to come to life, Joel and the bots yelp as they get startled.]
Long ago,
...they're Golem.
S4Hired! Part 1 (short)
[After speaking with Jimmy, Mr. Warren looks at Jimmy's sales file with concern.]
SAServo [as Warren]
Hmm. I didn't know he had a prison record. Says here he's wanted in Idaho.
JAJoel [as Warren]
Hmm? What in the world? Assault with a deadly weapon?!
CACrow [as Warren]
AKA "The Pantsless Salesman" or "The Piddling Peddler"?!
JAJoel [as Warren]
What? He got a D in trigonometry?
SAServo [as Warren]
But he is a Pieces with a moon in Aries.
CACrow [as Warren]
I'd fire him if he weren't my son.
[Mr. Warren does a quick glance at the sales record board, then puts down the file and stands up.]
JAJoel [as Warren]
Are you there, Lord?
SAServo [as Warren]
Hello, wall.
CACrow [as Warren]
Well, there's a blue steak and a pitcher of martinis with my name on it.
[Mr. Warren looks at the board again, which shows that most salesmen have sold only a few cars during the month.]
SAServo [as Warren]
That's nearly impossible. No one under my employ has ever sold a car!
Well, I guess no one wins a Mathis album.
CACrow [as Warren]
If I could read, I'd know what the problem is.
SAServo [as Warren]
Oh, here's the problem. I forgot to carry the two!
[Joel, Tom, Crow, and Gypsy are performing "Hired! The Musical"]'
TCTom, Crow, Gypsy
[[in a whisper] He's hired. He's hired. He's hired. He's hired.
[singing] I'm hired
TCTom, Crow, Gypsy
[singing] He's hired.
[singing] I hope I don't get fired.
TCTom, Crow, Gypsy
[singing] He's hired.
[singing] In forty years I'll be retired. But for now, I'm simply hired.
TCTom, Crow, Gypsy
[singing] He's hired. He's hired. He's hired. He's hired.
[singing] I got a job today.
TCTom, Crow, Gypsy
[singing] He's hired.
[singing] I'm selling Chevrolets.
TCTom, Crow, Gypsy
[singing] He's hired.
[singing] I'm bringing home good pay.
TCTom, Crow, Gypsy
[singing] He's hired.
[singing] I just got hired
TCTom, Crow, Gypsy
[singing] He's hired. He's hired. He's hired. He's hired. He got a job today.
[singing] Yeah, me!
TCTom, Crow, Gypsy
[singing] He's selling Chevrolets.
[singing] We're gonna get awnings.
TCTom, Crow, Gypsy
[singing] He's bringing home good pay.
[singing] I'm hired
TCTom, Crow, Gypsy
[singing] Maybe even dessert
[singing at same time with bots next line] I'm hired!
TCTom, Crow, Gypsy
[singing] He just got hired! HIRED!
[singing] I was wondering if you’d like to see my-
No!
[singing] But I really think you should see my-
No!
[singing] It’s got a lovely-
No!
[singing] And if only you would-
CCrow
No!
TCTom, Crow, Gypsy
[singing] Can’t you see we’re trying to tell you no!!
[singing] Come on and have some lemonade!
S4Bride of the Monster (movie)
HHunter
[as he's strapped to an operating table] What are you doing to me?..
JAJoel [ as Dr.Vornoff]
you're gonna be Myra Breckinridge.
VDr. Vornoff
You will soon be as big as giant,
CCrow
But it's not covered by his insurance.
VDr. Vornoff
with the strength of twenty men,
JAJoel [ as Dr.Vornoff]
Give or take a few.
VDr. Vornoff
Or--
SAServo [ as Dr.Vornoff]
--Not.
VDr. Vornoff
Like all the others; dead.
[As Dr. Vornoff turns the machine on, the Hunter screams in agony]
CACrow [ as Dr.Vornoff]
Oops!
[As the hunter goes limp and dies, Dr. Vornoff quickly turns off the machine]
JAJoel [ as Dr.Vornoff]
Well, so much for the giant theory.
JJanet
[As Lobo knocks Dick Craig unconscious.] DICK!
CCrow
[as Janet] Uh, no, Duck! Damn, I said that wrong.
[As the mutated Dr. Vornoff fatally electrocutes Lobo by shoving him into a control panel, Janet screams as Vornoff grabs her and takes her away]
CCrow
You are my wife!
[high-pitched voice] Goodbye, City Life!
[Dr. Vornoff and his octopus monster get struck with lightning and go up in a nuclear blast. Janet and Dick watch in horror and dismay.]
Well, calamari, anybody?
That was one unstable octopus.
JAJoel [as Capt. Robbins]
Uh, I've had enough of this, Bob. I have a bird to get home to, excuse me.
SAServo [as Capt. Robbins]
Wait, how did he do that?
CRCapt. Robbins
[solemnly] He tampered in God's domain.
CCrow
Oh great, the nutty birdman from Apartment 4B is gonna give us a religious insight.
[the credits get shown]
Loser.
Mhm.
Loser.
CCrow
Yeah.
Loser. [Joel and Crow laugh] Harvey B. Loser. George Bec-loser. Paul Loser Marco. Don "The Big Loser" Nagel. Bud Big Ol' Loser Osborne. John Wanky Loser Warren. Ann- for crying out loud... [they get up to leave]
CCrow
But the drunk was good. Ben Frommer?
The drunk was real good.
CCrow
Oh, yeah!
S4Hired! Part 2 (short)
WWarren
[instructing his employees of what his old collegaues Harry had him do] I remember one of the first things Harry drilled into me-
CCrow
[as Warren] -was Harry! [Joel scoffs at Crow]
S4Manos: The Hands of Fate (movie)
So we've gotta be, what, half an hour into this movie by now, right?
No, actually, it's more like a minute.
[stunned] ...No.
[Debbie walks around with the Master's dog]
CACrow [as Debbie]
It's a devil and it's fun!
SAServo [as Debbie]
His name is Mephisto! Can we keep him?
[The Master points towards someting off-screen]
[dramatically] Pull my finger!
[The Master spreads his arms, revealing the hands on his cape.]
CCrow
I wish those hands would just push him over!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.