Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 4
[At the end of "Gypsy Moons", Joel gets annoyed with Crow starting to sing bawdy lyrics and clamps Crow's mouth down]
Stop! Stop! We hope you enjoyed this little trip down memory lane. And now here's our own Al "Jazzbeaux" Collins with a message. Never again you guys. That's it.
DON'T YOU DO IT! DON'T YOU DO IT! I KNEW YOU SENT A BANNER-GRAM! FRANK, DON'T OPEN THE DOOR!
Hey, someone sent us a Banner-Gram!
Boopie!
[screams as screen cuts to black]
Hi, Bavaro.
[Johnny is watching a performing horse show, as the judges' winning pick and her foal trot around]
And Johnny transmogrifies; he's a shapeshifter! And he breaks the Fourth Seal!
[Johnny is shown walking around the fairgrounds]
Johnny feels dark hands pressing him onward; the voices in his head get meaner.
[introduced as he's rehearsing to a acting lessons vinyl] Look, Kate, I am a gentleman.
That I'll try.
[disgusted] Oh, great; another oily unlikable character!
I swear I'll cut you if you strike me again!
So you may lose your arm. If you strike me, you are no gentleman.
It's Ms. Hathaway!
And if no gentleman, why then no arm?
A herald, Kate! Oh, put me in thy books!
Ha-ha, what is your crest? [loops] A coxcomb? A coxcomb?
[alongside the loop] A Henry Miller.
[as Mapes shuts off the record] Oh wait a minute; it's a little late for acting lessons. They started filming already.
[as the character of Leland is introduced on-screen]
You know who that is? I'll give you a hint- I sing whenever I sing, whenever I sing...
Oh no!
[whilst reciting beat poetry] Smell, oh nostrils; hear, oh ears...
[sarcastically while clapping] Bravo, old Majesty!
[in a bitterly sardonic tone] Thank you, old square...
Hey, that would be a good phrase to use on someone who's not very hip.
[to beat poet King Invader, as she and her husband are leaving] King, we enjoyed it; truly we did. Dear heart.
[as patron] My husband's very hip at home!
[short pause] I am bugged...!
God of facial hair!
...beyond recall!
[after thwarting Tucker's double crossing over the ownership of the heist money, John Mapes willingly surrenders to the police, leaving his wife Jeanne behind as the film ends]
So, uh... all this happened because Johnny got lost in the fair?
[as Dr. Logan] I'm gonna snoop in a sock drawer. Heh-heh. [More boring filler as Dr. Logan examines the equipment. Joel and the bots doze off; Servo rests his head on Joel's shoulder, then Joel slumps left, leaving Servo snuggled in the crook of Joel's neck. Crow tilts to the right in his seat]
Dr. Logan did know where the giant was. [the three are startled awake and exclaim] In a store room in that very building. Logan had learned that massive doses of the antidote brought about an almost human appearance.
[as Dr. Logan] I did not. Quit lying!
[The monster walks towards a group of sunbathing women]
[as the monster] Hi I'm from the boy's camp across the lake, our backup generator exploded.
[The circus starts with a parade of all the performers.]
Supporters drummed up for the Spanish-American War.
Hey, uh, aren't the horses supposed to go behind the band?
Oops.
Now make way for the Ku Klux Klowns! Whoo!
Yes, children of all ages are confronted by forces they can't begin to understand!
Sieg heil! Sieg heil!
Okay guys, you're too dark. Would you lighten up?
How about this? Hey, look, it's Rue McClanahan.
That's better.
It's Ezekiel, the Amish clown. [chuckles] No buttons.
Oh, look, it's Ice Princess Zebra.
[Emmett Kelly appears in the parade.]
Hey, it's Emmett Kelly.
That's good.
No, it really is.
Whatever, Joel.
[As Crow hums to the music, a clown with a police outfit and fake beard appears up close to the screen and salutes, causing Joel and the Bots to get startled and yelp. As the narrator is herd speaking inaudibly, another clown with short hair and wearing a hat turn to the camera with a grin; Joel and the bots scream in horror.]
It's Liza!
[A bald clown appears up close to the camera as Joel and the bots clamor in terror from the sight of him.]
HELLRAISER!! NO!!!
[The narrator mentions Emmett Kelly over a shot of him eating a sandwich]
See? Emmett changed management soon after this.
[Shot of the crowd cheering]
We love it when he eats!
A rogue elephant snaps its tether and kills a coolie.
NOW who's getting dark? Hehe, I like it.
[As the statues of Elias Lönnrot and Impi start to come to life, Joel and the bots yelp as they get startled.]
Long ago,
...they're Gollum.
Will somebody please put me out? I seem to be on fire.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
