CCrow
[of the Symbol Maker's son early on] Caveman Without a Cause!
S3Teenage Caveman (movie)
[the Symbol Maker's Son is conversing with a Blonde Maiden (played by Darah Marshall) about leaving the tribe to set out on his own]
SMSymbol Maker's Son
...So I wonder, how many strange things there are- beyond the river; even beyond the Green Place.
[as Blonde Maiden] He's been to Paradise, but he's never been to me.
BMBlonde Maiden
If you break the Law again, the people will give you death!
[as Symbol Maker's Son] I prefer liberty.
[a pack of hunters led by the Symbol Maker and his son have killed the fabled monster that lurks through the lands, and discover its true identity]
CCrow
[the monster's mask is lifted, revealing an old man] Whoa; he's looked better.
Beach Dickerson!
SMSymbol Maker's Son
A man- a different kind of man. One came from the mountains and some were here.
He's been in the mountains for too long, dressed up in a goofy costume.
[The Symbol Maker's son removes something from the monster's corpse, finding a photobook of sorts]
Wait; what's this? It's a vintage contemporary!
SMSymbol Maker
[as the pack looks through the photographs inside with confusion and awe] I have no memory of these [symbols] in my mind, and these were made in a way unknown to me.
Yeah; the photo map.
SMSymbol Maker's Son
[stopping at a page regarding atomic warfare] Someday these must be known. It is a thing of wonder.
CCrow
Yeah; I wonder when the film's gonna end.
[narration from the man who was the proclaimed "Monster That Gives Death With Its Touch" begins as the film concludes]
I and a party of 23 others were on a scientific expedition when the bombs began to fall.
Oh, message- message coming in! I bet it's from Beach Dickerson.
Its raw power was unleashed all over the world; retaliation added to retaliation until all traces of man's had been wiped from the face of the Earth. Some that survived the blast grew huge beyond all reason and formed as the dinosaurs of prehistory. Or some took on new forms altogether- mad in shape and purpose.
CCrow
They became stock footage!
My comrades and I- half-protected by our radiation suits- found ourselves given an age far beyond the span allowed. Out of all the sprawling millions of the Earth, a handful escaped all harm through either fortune or design. After the nuclear holocaust, the wisest of them set out a long list of tablets. The laws are in the form of a religion now; it's strange to see them living the lives of Cro-Magnon man...
Cro-Magnon P.I.!
On occasion we tried to contact them, but they feared us; and our radiation killed those who came too close. And now... only I'm left, and the radiation has worn away these long, long years...
So you know it's okay.
[over a shot of the Symbol Maker's son] ...Now a new one thinks and wonders about the truth of the law- a man who will dare to try again. I am very lonely...
CCrow
[as man] In fact, I'm dead!
Dead tired.
This happened a long time ago, and as you know men did meet other men and fire smelted metal and made explosives. The wheel turned machines and made gun barrels; the towers were built and flattened. How many times will it happen again, and if it does... will any at all survive the next time?
Doubtful.
Or will it be... THE END?
S3The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent
[singing] W is for the many ways that you're served
CCrow
[singing] A is for the admiration you deserve
[singing] F because you're fluffy, you're flaky, you're fun!
[singing] And F is for the flavor that is second to none!
[singing] L is for how light you are, you melt in my mouth!
JSJoe, Servo, Crow, and Gypsy
[singing] E is for eggs--Oh Baby!
Triple time!
JSJoel, Servo, Crow, and Gypsy
[singing] Put 'em all together with a how-do-ya-do, Lovely waffles we love--
Send me up another please!
JSJoel, Servo, Crow, and Gypsy
[singing] Oh, waffles we love--
Top mine off with runny cheese!
JSJoel, Servo, Crow, and Gypsy
[singing] Waffles we love--
CCrow
Chili waffles suit me fine!
JSJoel, Servo, Crow, and Gypsy
[singing] Waffles we love--
Wash me down with Aunt Jemima?
JSJoel, Servo, Crow, and Gypsy
[singing] Waaaaaaaffffles, we love yoooooooooououuuu!
[Joel walks in carrying a plate of waffles; with only one thing to say]
...Waffles. [Movie Sign blares] Oh; we've got Movie Sign!
Boy, I'm full; I ate too much! I'm starting to think the world would be a better place without waffles.
CCrow
[appears dressed in a waffle costume] No waffles?
Ah, who are you?
CCrow
Why I'm Willie the Waffle; the wonderful, whimsical wisecracking waffle! Can I ask you one thing?
Sure.
CCrow
[suddenly shouting] Who the hell are you to decide who lives and who dies?! Did you know that the nation's brunch industry employs over 500,000 people? Most of 'em named Chad?
[as "Chad"] Hi, welcome to Jojo's Waffle Berries. Our special today is waffles in game sauce. We also have-
CCrow
[as Willie] Sorry, Chad; we're gonna have to lay you off. No waffles! [makes whistling noise] Little League baseball would also be impossible without waffles!
[as young boy] Mom, Little League practice is in an hour! Can I have some waffles?
CCrow
[as Willie/Mom] Sorry, son; no waffles! [makes whistling noise]
S3War of the Colossal Beast (movie)
[The searchers find a piece of a truck with a giant fingerprint.]
JMJoyce Manning
Could this be Glen's?
No, no, the whorl pattern is completely wrong.
[upon discovering a giant footprint] Whatever made this must have been sixty feet tall.
JJoyce
Glen was sixty feet tall.
CCrow
Think there's a connection?
[During a very long shot of people getting into a jeep, the jeep being started, put in reverse, turned around, and driven away]
That's right, Bert, spare us nothing.
S3Posture Pals (short)
[as the short begins, a logo for Avis Films appears.]
Avis Films, we try harder.
The story you're about to see is true. No names were changed because no one was innocent.
[the short begins with a silhouette on screen]
My name's Sally, I'm a snackoholic.
CSCrow, Servo
Hi, Sally.
[over a shot of the four kids]
And these four children are especially important about the four things.
'Cause they're on the payroll.
[talking about the posture contest]
The two boys and the two girls with the best postures will wear these posture crowns.
Yeah, they'll go to Burger King and get crappy hats.
Tommy, Jimmy, Jane, and Mary are very interested in this announcement.
Hey, who wouldn't be?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.