[as the short begins, a logo for Avis Films appears.]
Avis Films, we try harder.
“Posture Pals (short)” · Season 3
In this episode: Joel Robinson (7), Tom Servo (6), Narrator (6), Crow T. Robot (4)
The story you're about to see is true. No names were changed because no one was innocent.
[the short begins with a silhouette on screen]
My name's Sally, I'm a snackoholic.
CSCrow, Servo
Hi, Sally.
[over a shot of the four kids]
And these four children are especially important about the four things.
'Cause they're on the payroll.
[talking about the posture contest]
The two boys and the two girls with the best postures will wear these posture crowns.
Yeah, they'll go to Burger King and get crappy hats.
Tommy, Jimmy, Jane, and Mary are very interested in this announcement.
Hey, who wouldn't be?
[as the kids look at their posture drawings]
That's when the kids came up with a plan to blackmail Mrs. Reedy.
But they are not happy with what they see.
They're disgusted and filled with self-loathing!
For Tommy is indeed surprised...
CACrow [as Tommy]
No! No! No! Uh-uh! Uh-uh! No! Uh-uh!
...his chest looked flat because his tummy looked so round.
He's got VPL.
Hey, and let me tell ya... JOEL!
Now Jimmy is disturbed to see...
CACrow [as Jimmy]
Nuh-uh! No! Nothing doing! That ain't gonna work! It's not flying with me, Pops!
He's leaning backward out of balance, just like a house about to fall.
SAServo [as Narrator]
Just like his dad on Friday night!
And what gives Jane her worried frown?
Valium?
Look at the board. It's plain to see that Jane must practice standing straight to grow up like a lovely tree.
All of a sudden, it's iambic pentameter here.
Our Mary is a happy girl...
(imitates repeated burping)
...with hollowed chest and tired head.
CCrow
She should jut go home to bed. Green Eggs and Ham.
Thank you, Sam-I-Am.
At last, the big day has come. The class is taking their second posture test.
[A silhouette appears on screen]
CCrow
Hey, it's Hitchcock!
Yeah, after Slim-Fast!
[All sing the Alfred Hitchcock Presents theme]
Miss Martin is counting votes to see who will be the king, queen, prince and princess of posture.
And who will have a Sealy Posturepedic childhood.
[Mary is voted posture queen]
CCrow
FIX! IT'S A RIG! FIX!
[Miss Martin draws a crown over Mary's pose]
Then Mary's head is lit on fire!
And the other three children win the other posture crowns.
Definitely a fix.
Don't you agree that these four children deserve to win after trying so hard to improve their postures?
JCJoel, Crow, Servo
NO!
. . .
CCrow
Their chances of ever being cool are ruined for life.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.