Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 11
You are pronouncing our death sentence.
You dickweed!
I don't enjoy doing it.
You resented us from the beginning!
I have, but that is not why I'm doing this. I...
Line!
We must consider the greater good!
The greater good...
[as the movie abruptly ends]
Oh no, the universe lost reception!
[a message from the producer appears onscreen]
The producer wishes to acknowledge that this movie was not all that good.
I doubt those businesses want to be associated with this movie at all.
Well Max, that was the 200th episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. What an achievement.
If you count the old series, which we had nothing to do with. Technically, this was our third episode.
Okay come on, Disney celebrates fake anniversaries all the time! Donald Duck turns 90, Mickey and Minnie's 25th Anniversary, uh... the 40th Anniversary of pulling Song of the South off the shelves- I don't know! We have got to grab some of these celebration legacy dollars! Bring in the cake!
[the skeleton crew wheels in a cake filled with candles; Max lights a lighter]
No no no, hey! [slaps the lighter from his hand] We are not lighting the candles! This is a nitrogen-rich atmosphere! Wh- ... [sighs] Happy 200th, Max.
...Yeah, okay.
Push the 200th button, Max.
New World Pictures presents...
The Illuminati made a movie? Huh.
Yeah, and they're so open about it.
It's terrific to see you.
Even in that color palette.
The two of you together...
And I'm not forgetting you, Danny from the last movie.
[as Florence and McDade struggle walking uphill in snow]
[breathless] In case you haven't noticed... not only... are we out-of-doors... and knee-deep... in snow... but we are... also... going uphill!
Cut! Take 15, do it again!
[after a skier narrowly escapes an avalanche]
My snowball predicted all of this.
[as we see Caroline swimming underwater]
Do you think she understands she's trapped under the ice? Oooh, let's watch.
[she surfaces]
Oh, hi there.
Oh, she's in a heated pool.
Actually the safest place to be in an avalanche.
Camera guy is drowning, don't mind him.
[as a waiters serve numerous baked Alaskas]
Uh, we made way too many of these? No one seems to want 'em, they look awful, but they taste okay. We're just giving them away for free now, seriously try one. Anybody? Please?
[as one waiter carries a torched baked Alaska up to a balcony] Screw it. We're just gonna torch them all, and throw them off the balcony. What's the difference? Who's making these things anyway? It's ridiculous.
[as a waiter serves one to where the main characters are sitting]
Thank you for agreeing to take one of these. They really smell. We're sorry.
Oh, yuck! Marshmallows, grilled oysters, cherry tomatoes, and butter??? Oh...
You know what this movie is missing?
Name tags.
[as he and Caroline get into an argument] What's going on here? I only asked you to dance!
You didn't ask me to dance, you told me to dance!
Crazy on you!
You've got to run the whole show, you panic if you haven't got complete control! It's always the same thing! I've got to the point where I didn't even know what I felt about anything!
I just want to be with you! What's wrong with wanting to be with you, or you wanting to be with me?!
You stifle me! I- I need some space! I need some room! I've gotta make my own decisions! Just leave me alone.
I don't want to leave you alone!
Well, that's a problem I can solve.
Get a second divorce!
[as the film cuts to an unfocused shot of the storm]
Why do they keep cutting to the planet Neptune?
I don't know, but I wish they'd just stay there.
[as a plane crashes in a fiery explosion into the mountain and triggers the avalanche]
Oh, now it's one of those hybrid sci-fi/B-movies like Sharknado or Lavalantula.
Ladies and gentlemen, we give you Plane-alanche!
I didn't know snow was so combustible.
It's not, but styrofoam is.
Now if that doesn't start an avalanche, I'm leaving.
I think we need to get a sense of scale here. This could be a snow fort for all we know.
This really begs the question: would you suffocate painfully while buried under snow for a Klondike Bar?
Just when you thought this movie couldn't get any whiter.
[when the Fire Department loses a box of first aid equipment]
That wasn't even caused by the avalanche! They're just completely incompetent!
[an ambulance stops in the street, while a police car swerves to avoid a collision, and almost hits a person, causing mayhem]
They should change the name of this movie from Avalanche to just General Catastrophe.
Oh, so now we're seeing collateral deaths from the idea of an avalanche?
What's next? Someone cutting their finger on the newspaper reading about it?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
