Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes

Erno, are his clothes packed?

Yes, my lady.

Oh dear, I hope you were careful with that blue suit. It creases so.

Burn the suit.

And take care of his bill.

Yes, I wouldn't like to have an unpaid hotel bill on my conscience.

Keep joking, Mr. West.

Please don't.

You will be finished with jokes before the night is out.

Us too.

I was beginning to run out of material anyway.

Agreed.

I don't get it. Why aren't I making out right now? I'm Frankie Avalon! Is the universe playing a joke on me?

Sham-wow!

Well, what'd you have in mind?

Well, to prove to you I have no concealed weapons... [reveals herself to Tommy Carter, who smiles]

It's about damn time. I'm Frankie Avalon!

Bang!

Servo

Okay, if there are any kids watching, it's past your bedtimes.

For three decades, the Forrester family experiment has resided on a number of platforms.

Comedy Central, the Sci-fi Channel, Netflix...

Connected to the Gizmoplex!

... Our premiere theater!!! ... for all things Mystery Science Theater 3000. A bright and shining beacon to the worst that cinema has to offer.

Tom Servo

This is actually my favorite Castlevania sequel.

[translating a sign] Dr. Cesar Sepulveda, nuclear physicist.

Servo

Thursdays on Telemundo.

How strange. This mirror reflects everything.

Yes, it's a mirror.

Except you!

Bastard! [shatters the mirror]

Servo

Now you'll have seven years of bad suck- uh luck.

You fool, I've been me the whole time!

Mein Gott! [proceeds to cross his heart]

Servo

Spectacles, testicles... testicles... testicles...

That was an awful experience.

Calm down, it's already over. Get some rest.

But I've slept most of the movie.

Hey, you got your Spirit Halloween store in my Ed Wood movie.

Servo

No, you got your Ed Wood movie in my Spirit Halloween store.

Most of wrestling is just different types of hugs.

Servo

So a booming soundtrack as the little girl walks around the house, but silence during a car chase. Okay.

I bet the J stands for "just please don't use my full name".