[Dave is fiddling with the radio as Donna watches.]
DDave
Will you go out and ask Steve to come in here a minute?
TSTom Servo [as Donna]
Okay. STEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!
MAMike [as Dave]
I could have done that...
Played by Michael J. Nelson
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 824 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Tom Servo (393), Crow T. Robot (376), Narrator (63)
Scenes with Mike Nelson 617
[Dave hears something.]
DDave
Steve?
MikeNot everyone is Steve!
[Steve, Julie, and Dr. Wyman are examining Johnny's body. Donna enters.]
CACrow [as Donna]
Um, have you guys seen my brush?
DDonna
Steve.
MAMike [as Julie]
Yes?
TSTom Servo [as Dr. Wyman]
Yes?
CACrow [as Steve]
Yes?
Sometimes there is more truth in legend than in history.
MAMike [as Kobras]
And there's more salt in ham than in turkey.
[Puma Man drops one of Kobras' henchmen and he falls rather awkwardly thanks to some poorly synced background shots]
MAMike [as the henchman]
Heeelp! I'm falling at a sixty degree angle breaking all the laws of physics!
...
[The henchman gets dropped again]
SAServo [as the henchman]
My mustache makes me fall sideways!
[Tony seeks information from girlfriend Jane, who's wearing a black-leather catsuit with matching WWI-vintage strap-on pilot's headgear.]
JJane
I'm conditioned to keep the secret, just like everyone. I can't do it.
TTony
Try! Fight him! Fight him with your will!
MAMike [as Jane]
But my will won't!
JJane
I-- I-- I can't! He's commanding me from a distance.
Amelia Airhead.
Because you come from Earth...
SAServo [as Kobras]
Corn grows in you.
And to Earth you shall return!
MikeHuh? That was an odd thing to say, even for him.
[The bad guys, having examined Tony's inert body, drive off. Tony comes out of his trance.]
You've succeeded! They think you're dead, and now they will leave you alone.
MikeTo be left alone--the goal of every great hero!
[In Diabolik's lair, the black-leather-clad antihero and Eva, still in their car, move in for another lip-lock.]
SAServo [as Diabolik]
Let's have a tantric quickie.
MAMike [as Eva]
Mmm… mmm… oh, you smell like a tire store.
This is just a good samaritan he met in the tunnel.
CCrow
Heh! She's a great samaritan!
SAServo [as Diabolik]
You don't mind if I swallow your face, do you?
[The lovely Eva is removing her skimpy frock as she passes a staircase.]
MikeWow! Dangerously steep stairs!
You're watching the stairs?
CCrow
Poor Mike...
[Eva and Diabolik make love in a pile of money.]
They're really gonna have to get their money laundered.
CCrow
Steve Forbes and his wife!
. . .
MikeYou know, with my budget, I'd be rolling around in a handful of change.
. . .
Paper cuts are brutal.
. . .
CCrow
The young Alan Greenspan!
. . .
They got pretty injured when they tried this with gold bars.
. . .
MikeIf they make love in English pound notes, their sex is 50% better.
. . .
SAServo [as Diabolik]
You're the frendliest teller I ever met! Last time, I just got a toaster!
. . .
CCrow
You know, if he'd stolen just a little less, I could see her ass right now.
. . .
CCrow
Got greed?
Member, FDIC! [chuckles]
[As mob boss Valmont meets with his henchmen, a whooping horn sounds the approach of a speedboat.]
MikeThe S. S. Jo Anne Worley!
VValmont
Is that Stud coming?
CCrow
I beg your pardon?
[In a later scene, Valmont addresses the man who arrived in the speedboat as "Stud" -- "Stud, you brought bad news." -- clarifying the remark.]
[Diabolik, out of ammunition, pulls out a mysterious silver metal cylinder the size and shape of a very large bullet.]
SAServo [as Diabolik]
My steel, reusable Fleet.
MAMike [as Diabolik]
Maybe I can run real fast and push it into him.
[At home, the gang watches The Crawling Eye, the first film in MST3K's cable run.]
"The Crawling Eye". The Marty Feldman Story.
MikeOh, Forrest Tucker. He's the guy who makes sure all the trees' shirttails are in.
CCrow
This movie seems kind of familiar, doesn't it?
Hmmm.
Specials
[In a field, Scully watches Mulder pull up some sod.]
MikeHere, Agent Mulder is on the trail of Sod-Laying Man!
Ground's dry about an inch down. This was laid recently.
CACrow [as Mulder]
…unlike me.
More Mystery Science Theater 3000 characters
All Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes →
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.