[In a field, Scully watches Mulder pull up some sod.]
Here, Agent Mulder is on the trail of Sod-Laying Man!
Ground's dry about an inch down. This was laid recently.
CACrow [as Mulder]
…unlike me.
“MST3K 2nd Annual Summer Blockbuster Review”
In this episode: Crow T. Robot (6), Mike Nelson (6), Tom Servo (3), Mulder (3)
KOKid on Bike
You're not FBI agents!
How do you know?
KOKid on Bike
'Cause y'all look like door-to-door salesmen.
SAServo [as Mulder]
Yeah, well, you look like Howdy Doody with a headcold.
Was it the same "they" who gave you those bikes?
CCrow
No, It was Bike-Gifting Man.
Ever After
BDBaroness De Ghent
We mustn't go around feeling sorry for ourselves! No matter how bad things get, they can always get worse!
CCrow
The First Lutheran!
. . .
BDBaroness De Ghent
Your features are so… masculine.
MAMike [as De Ghent]
You look like Pat Summerall.
. . .
BDBaroness De Ghent
No wonder you're built for hard labour.
CACrow [as De Ghent]
You'll be giving birth to Paul Prudhomme.
[Danielle de Barbarac makes a grand entrance to the ball, her face dusted with white greasepaint and sparkles.]
MAMike [as Danielle]
I sneezed in my cocaine.
Halloween: H2O
CCrow
Welcome back to the MST3K Blockbuster Review, featuring the summer movies, that, thanks to an amendment tacked onto last year's highway bill, we're all required to see.
Um-hmm.
Our next one is the Jamie Lee Curtis thriller, Halloween Water, which… I think is about a pumpkin-flavored soft drink or some such thing.
The Truman Show
[Truman is talking to Lauren.]
TTruman
Would you wanna--
MAMike [as Lauren]
No.
TTruman
Maybe possibly--
MAMike [as Lauren]
No!
TTruman
Sometime--
MAMike [as Lauren]
No!
TTruman
Go out for some pizza or something, like… Friday?
MAMike [as Lauren]
Well, oka-- no!
LLauren
Yeah… I can't.
TTruman
Saturday?
LLauren
I can't.
TTruman
Sunday-Monday-Tuesday?
[She scrbbles "NOW" on a notepad.]
SAServo [as Lauren]
N-O! Th-the W is silent.
Saving Private Ryan
CUCorporal Upham
It's just that I've never-- I haven't held a weapon since basic training, sir.
MCaptain Miller
Did you fire the weapon in basic training?
CUCorporal Upham
Yes, sir.
MAMike [as Upham]
But I shot my sergeant.
Godzilla (1998)
CCrow
Um, folks? We'd like to show you clips of one of the crappier big movies of the summer, but we'd get sued. Yes, we'd get sued for showing you clips of G[bleep]a. Even saying Go[bleep]la will get the bejeezus sued out of you. So I made my own giant lizard film to offer as my alternative to God[bleep]. Enjoy. Won't us?
[Poorly made title screen for "Goshzilla" appears followed by what's clearly Crow under a table ramming a Iguana doll into cardboard cutout buildings and plastic pedestrians, while making growling noises]
CCrow
There! And it's Matthew Broderick free! Oh, and Mike paid a quarter to see it, so it's already made more of a profit than [bleep]zilla."
CCrow
Our first movie is based on a television show, which is a ridiculous notion to begin with.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.