A character in Mystery Science Theater 3000
Played by Kevin Murphy
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 1,542 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Crow T. Robot (818), Mike Nelson (393), Joel Robinson (294)
[Mayor Polk puts his dead wife down, glares around the corner and reaches for where his guns should be.]
Draw, er... wait a sec!
[Polk goes into the barn and pulls out a pitchfork.]
[As Polk approaches Cain, to the tune of Green Acres] Doo-doo, do-do-do! The chores!
TomDoo-doo, do-do-do! [scene switches to Cain aiming his gun] ...the hell?
[A drunken Cain attempts to kiss Erika.]
[drunkenly] You got brown eyes...
[drunkenly] An' you got a neck.
. . .
Booze has knighted me King Of The Lovers!
[The opening credits feature action shots of Mitchell to a disco beat.]
Who's the puffy guy who's a big blurry sex machine?
Mitchell!
That Mitchell is one fat s--
Shut yo' mouth!
I'm just talkin' 'bout Mitchell!
[The camera slowly pans across a thickly tree-screened home at night.]
ServoEe-gah...
Shtemlo.
Watch out for snakes!
We've hidden Mitchell somewhere in this picture...
Mitchell, will you stand up, please?
[Benton stops Mitchell from following Cummings into his home.]
No salesmen at this entrance.
But I'm not a salesman! I'm the Chubby Blue Line!
[At the park, Mitchell shoots man in the leg.]
Daryl Gates on his day off.
He's landed just short of the green.
Can you hurry it up, we've got a head wound back here!
[A kid on skateboard skates up to Mitchell's car where he's sitting.]
Hi.
Hi.
Are you the man from the insurance?
Nope.
He came last night.
Yeah?
My mother doesn't like you.
I don't like your mother.
Why not?
Why not?
No, why not?
No, why not?
Why are you repeating what I'm saying?
ServoTonight on Crossfire.
Why are you repeating what I'm saying?
I'm not.
Well, I'm not.
You are.
Buzz off.
What?
What?
What did you say?
What you say?
Did you say something?
Servo[Frustrated] AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
You say something?
You said buzz off.
You're lying through your teeth.
You're lying through your teeth.
Buzz off, huh?
Buzz off!
Buzz off, kid!!
[In bed with Mitchell, Greta reaches out to return unopened beers to the bed stand, which also has a bottle of Johnson & Johnson's...]
Baby oil!
BLAAAARRRGGGHHH!
Servo[vomiting noises]
Why would anybody wanna do this with Mitchell, Joel?
[In the soundtrack, Hoyt Axton continues to sing the theme song.]
My my my my Mitchell...
My my my MY GOD, NOOOOO!
[In the operating room...]
I should've known he was as good as dead when they wheeled him in.
'Cuz he got me as his doctor.
[Bill is going to show Jan his experiment.]
You have the keys to your car?
[Cut to them driving.]
The answer: yes, she has the keys to her car.
The Long, Long Trailer!
[Cortner and Jan are in their speeding car as they pass a couple of road signs. One of them reads "Winding Road."]
Hey, that was my prom theme!
Stop sign, what stop sign? "Curve?" What curve?
[We see a shot of an expression of horror on Cortner's face as the car crashes.]
Aughhh! The road is attacking me!
[Cortner has just snatched Jan's head from the wreck and has hidden it in a blanket.]
[muffled] D-Don't forget my purse! Honey?
. . .
[muffled] You just had to go fast, didn't you? Now look, Mr. Bigshot! Now I don't have a body anymore! Are you happy?
. . .
[Cortner runs through the woods, clutching the head in his arms.]
Riggins is at the 20… He's at the 10… No one will catch him!
He's either gonna win the Nobel Prize or the Heisman Trophy.
[In search of a replacement body for Jan's head, Dr. Bill Cortner examines cardboard cutouts of buxom strippers at a club.]
Well, she can't have a cardboard body. I've ruled that out.
[pervertedly] Saaay, this could actually be an upgrade...
Well, it's nice and all, but I want something sleazy.
[Inside the strip club (which looks suspiciously like a greasy spoon), a dancer slithers to a porny saxophone tune.]
If Jack Ruby owned a Denny's.
. . .
Welcome to the Diane Arbus Cafe.
[Jan is talking after Cortner has saved her head.]
Doesn't she need lungs?
ServoNo, she's got neck juice!
[Jan communicates with the monster in the closet.]
Do you understand me? Knock once if you can understand me.
ServoKnock three times on the ceiling if you want me!
Mike NelsonMichael J. Nelson · 824 quotes
Joel RobinsonJoel Hodgson · 542 quotes
NNarrator224 quotes
JJonah171 quotes
GGypsy75 quotes
EEmily69 quotes
CFDr. Clayton Forrester57 quotes
PFPearl Forrester26 quotes
MMax22 quotes
KFKinga Forrester21 quotes
JPJack Perkins20 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.