[In the opening credits, we see: Century 21 Calling.]
Oh! They want their little gold jacket back.
“The Space Children” · Season 9
In this episode: Crow T. Robot (11), Mike Nelson (7), Bell Woman (3), Tom Servo (2)
[A monorail is moving through Seattle over the opening credits]
CCrow
Oh, these monorail designers - they have a one-track mind.
Why do you lash out like that?
CCrow
I don't know.
[Shot of the Space Needle over a soundtrack of organ music.]
The only bathroom in the fair is up there.
CCrow
Well, I'm glad to know the future has CONSTANT ORGAN MUSIC!
[Nerdy guy pauses a moment to look at marquee with ladies' legs.]
CACrow [as nerdy girl]
Oh, come on! You're gay and you know it!
[Mike notices a sign that says "Gifts From Germany."]
Gifts From Germany? What's that? Braunschweiger, cars with heaters that don't work, and identification papers?
[At the 1962 Seattle World's Fair, we see a science exhibit entitled How Do Animals Learn?]
CACrow [as Man]
"How Do Animals Learn?" Well, as long as they learn to taste good, I don't really care.
[A lady at the How Do Animals Learn? exhibit thrusts a bird into the face of a nerdy kid at the fair.]
MAMike [as lady]
Here, you're a geek. Why don't you bite the head off this bird?
...All you'll have to do is give the telephone company a list of the numbers you dial most frequently. The electronic brain's memory will do the rest.
[The blond-haired, blue-eyed couple look at each other in excitement.]
CACrow [as nerdy guy]
The Führer will like that!
[A little girl phones her grandmother.]
GGrandma
Hello?
LGLittle Girl
Hello, Grandma?
CACrow [as little girl]
Where's my money?
[A Bell Telephone representative talks about future features as a video runs to demonstrate them.]
[voiceover] Want someone else on the line?
SAServo [as Customer]
No.
[voiceover] That's easy, too. Flip the switch button, then dial a code number and the number you want, and… presto!
Well, andante, maybe.
CACrow [as Bell Woman]
Soon you'll have all your friends hanging up on you and dreading your calls.
[In a promotional film from Bell Telephone, we see two dogs on a well-manicured lawn.]
[voiceover] It may even be possible to call and water the lawn during that dry spell when you are many miles away on vacation.
[The sprinklers are then turned on by telephone operated remote control, and the dogs run away.]
CCrow
Yeah, how do you like it when the lawn piddles on you?!
...And in the future there will still be a two dollar surcharge for using this service despite the technology having proliferated EVERYWHERE ON THE PLANET!
The Space Children (movie)
[Outside the cave, the kids stare at a shaft of light descending from the sky.]
CACrow [as Bud]
[mesmerized] Yes -- I will take money from my dad's wallet and send it to Soupy Sales.
[Tim flees from his violent, drunken stepfather (played by Russell Johnson), but is finally caught.]
CCrow
Whooh. Imagine having your butt whooped by "And The Rest"!
[As her children pass along commands from the blob rock, Anne tries to comprehend what's happening.]
ABAnne Brewster
How does it tell you, and why?
BBud
I don't think you'd understand.
[Anne lets go of her son in disgust and turns away.]
MAMike [as Anne]
Oh, I'll just go wish myself into the cornfield.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.