Scenes with Crow T. Robot 1,239
[The opening credits show a man's face decaying into a zombie's face.]
The shroud of David Schwimmer.
. . .
Face is the result of slash and burn shaving.
MA Mike [as zombie]
You'd tell me if my face was disintergrating, right?
He's turning into a brisket.
C Crow
It's a portrait of Bob Dole's inner child.
. . .
C Crow
He's turning into a seed sculpture from the state fair.
. . .
C Crow
Tom Petty in the morning.
. . .
C Crow
You know, seaweed makes a perfectly acceptible toupee.
[Cut to a toy clown laughing.]
Ah, good old-fashioned nightmare fuel.
[On the music in the opening credits]
C Crow
The organ has emphysema.
. . .
Come hear [credited as music] Libby Quinn play the organ with her feet.
[singing to the "Libby's, Libby's, Libby's on the Label, Label, Label" jingle] If it says Libby's, Libby's, Libby's, in the credits, credits, credits, you won't like it, like it, like it...
The music's gonna break into "Chest Fever" any minute.
M Madison
Fine. You should try it some time.
No thanks. The world's my college.
C Crow
He's taking it pass-fail.
[The singer and dancers are performing "Shook Out of Shape". Mike and the Bots sing their own words.]
MA Mike [as Singer]
First blade lifts, the second one cuts. You get your…
MC Mike, Crow [as Chorus]
Schick out of shape!
[Zebra-striped dancers move in formation to a oddly "Silent Night"-like tune.]
You know, the 14-year-old boys who snuck in with fake IDs, they gotta be feeling profoundly ripped off at this point.
The "Feliz Navidad" dancers.
. . .
C Crow
Now, were these dance numbers supposed to be provocative or merely boring?
Well, provocative in their boringness?
. . .
Hair-trigger precision. They're like the Blue Angels of dancing.
Yeah, one wrong move and they all crash .
C Crow
There's something Laverne & Shirley -esque about this.
. . .
Riverdance : The strip show!
Ah, halftime at the Orange Bowl. Never fails to disappoint.
. . .
So how is this a tribute to Madeline Albright?
[as Carmelita performs]
C Crow
Joel Grey, ladies and gentlemen.
Isn't that the guy Danny Bonaduce beat up?
Watch as she walks around.
C Crow
You know, Noam Chomsky should pick better warm-up acts.
[The camera pans to several different chickens calling.]
C Crow
This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast Chicken.
Man, Peter must be walkin' around denyin' everybody this morning.
[Ivan plays hide-and-seek with the gnomish Father Mushroom.]
Frodo gets drunk and screws with his neighbors.
. . .
C Crow
If Disappearing Elf Hide-and-seek were in the Olympics, Finland would be in great shape!
[Nastenka accidentally touches Grandfather Frost's sceptre]
FS Frost's Voice
Whoever touches my sceptre...will never wake up again.
C Crow
Yeah, well maybe it should be stored a little more safely!
[While Nastenka's stepparents are in their home, someone offscreen announces an arrival...]
RU Random Unknown Voice
Look who's here!
Thank you, Anonymous Voice!
. . .
[Marfushka returns to her home in a sled being pulled by pigs.]
C Crow
It's a three-pig open sleigh!
On Wilbur! On Gordy! On Babe!
[The scruffy bandits return to seize Ivan and Nastenka.]
C Crow
It's… a convention of Michael Palin imitators!
. . .
C Crow
It's the Seven Dwarves! Filthy, Rotting, Lousey, Skanky, Scabby, Septic and… Doc.
C Crow
Ladies and... Gypsy! Michael Nelson IS... LORD OF THE DANCE !
Oh!... did the other one die?
[after telling Nastenka to knit socks outside] They better be done by the time the rooster crows, you hear me? Otherwise, I'll tear your braid off!
C Crow
[as Nastenka, singing] M is for the many times you beat me... O is for the other times you beat me...
[To prevent Ivan from killing a mother bear, Nastenka turns a bucket over his head. Father Mushroom then casts a spell. When the bucket is removed, Ivan has been turned in to a bear.]
It was her bucket full of Rogaine.
CA Crow [as Ivan]
Am I un-bear -able?
[after Ivan realizes he was turned into a bear]
C Crow
[as Ivan] Damn it, Puck! This time you've gone too far!
What did you do to me? What have you done, you witch?!
[as Ivan, crying and running off] Mommy!!
[as Ivan/Yogi] I have to go find a pic-a-nic basket!
C Crow
[as Nastenka] We have to register at Club Wed!
Ivan, I swear I didn't do anything to you!
[angrily] I curse you! I curse you forever; you witch!
Tonight on a very special Grizzly Adams.
[as Nastenka] Every time I meet a man, he's either gay or a bear!
‹ Previous Page 78 of 111
Next ›
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
