Ivan quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Look, Hunchback Fairy, I'm sorry!

Are you afraid?

Well, it's just that I've never been pushed into an oven, and it's the first time I've ever sat on a shovel!

...the flat part, anyway.

Nastenka!

Servo

It was her bucket full of Rogaine.

What's the matter?

Am I un-bear-able?

[as Ivan] Damn it, Puck! This time you've gone too far!

What did you do to me? What have you done, you witch?!

Mike

[as Ivan, crying and running off] Mommy!!

Servo

[as Ivan/Yogi] I have to go find a pic-a-nic basket!

Ivanushka!

[as Nastenka] We have to register at Club Wed!

Ivan, I swear I didn't do anything to you!

[angrily] I curse you! I curse you forever; you witch!

Servo

Tonight on a very special Grizzly Adams.

Mike

[as Nastenka] Every time I meet a man, he's either gay or a bear!

[lamenting over the loon he shot which led him to Nastenka, after he has been turned into a bear] I killed you with an arrow, and you ruin me with a feather!

[as Ivan] It's funny when you think about it!

Alright, listen; vagabound with the head of a bear: just look at yourself and ask...

Servo

[as Father Mushroom] Do I crap in the woods?

...how did you live? You see, you spent all your time boasting about yourself. You loved yourself; only yourself. You offended everyone else.

Heed these words, Mike.

Consider Nastenka; you hurt her feelings.

I hurt her feelings?!

You've never done a good deed, Ivan. Now here's what you must do, take my advice:

Mike

[as Father Mushroom] Shave!

Foul is fair, and fair is foul...

Servo

[as sled] Oink, ma'am.

What's that?

Oh, a fast sleigh that glides through snow; fast, fast as the wind blows, moves by itself over the snow to the place where Nastenka lies. [throws the sled into the snow as it swiftly takes off with Ivan giving chase]

Servo

She left it in drive.

[calling out to Ivan, chuckling] Look out for my sheepskin coat; it's almost new! Don't forget to bring it back to me!

Bring it back to me... ha ha, that's great!