Crow T. Robot quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Did you know that everyday someone loses a sale...

...or an arm...

Do you know...

...that I have little bunnies painted on my knees? I do.

Well, uh, the fact is, we, uh, we spent, er, many nights in the, uh, um, well...

Uh... er... panties!

Now, let's look at another typical example.

This man is wearing a push-up bra. Now he is pleasing.

Funny ting happem up dere 't da station, See, A wash sittin dere waitin' for d'fellas when...

Duh, I was under da bleachers at da ball game, and dat's when da cop chased me 'n' asked me what I was doin'...

I shaid mishter, ah shaid mishter, dis, dis ishn't your seat, see ah' been sittin' here whol' lot longer 'n' you sheem t' think ah have, and...

Servo

Ah, Garrison Keillor.

Joel

No, Dr. Erhardt, no! So that's what happened to him!

Servo

Wow.

Enjoy! [N]

Where's the third fellow? He's chicken -- never jumped at all.

What's this? He's forced his way into the announcer's booth. What's that in his hand? Oh no! Aah!

Well, this is a different assignment, and a true depiction of actually filling an order he recently received.

Kill Colonel Kurtz!

It read: "Want immediately one live bobcat, two cub black bears, and three six-foot diamondback rattlers."

And two hard-boiled eggs.

Honk!

Make that three hard-boiled eggs. [N]

Hey, Mister Cat, you can't do that! Don't you know you're wanted in Chicago?

For voting twice?

Say, you made a mistake picking that tree. I'm afraid you're out of luck this time.

Naaah, bite me! I will prevail! Mine is a noble race!

Well, it's in the bag! And so Ross Allen fills one third of his day's orders. What's next?

Joel

Hurting the people you know and love?

Chasing rabbits on a mini-bike until their hearts explode?

Now you've got a boatload of live cargo -- a wildcat, three six-foot rattlers, and a couple of little teddy bears. It seems to me, I'd call it day, or call a taxi, or...

...or call PETA!

How green was my valley?

Joel

Not very.

Joel

This script is like a telephone directory!

But not as interesting.

Why don't you boys play Hungry Hungry Hippoes?

Joel

Oh; we lost all the marbles.

Servo

Hey, Magic Voice; don't suppose you know where our Mouse Trap game is, do you?

I didn't play with it last.

[sighs] The pieces are missing anyway.

Well, why don't you read a book?

Joel

[as he and the Bots scoff and protest] Oh, gag me... no way!

Well, I don't know what you're going to do then. It's Commercial Sign in five seconds.

Joel

Maybe we could play some poker.

Poker? What's poker?

[as Joel and the Bots agree on the poker idea] You boys be nice to Gypsy.

Joel

[helping instruct Gypsy through the game, whispering] Gypsy, just tell 'em what you want to do and keep your poker face on.

[I'm] in!

Let's see, what to do...

[cheerfully] Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart!

[disgusted, after seeing Gypsy's hand] Oh, I fold!

Joel

[disappointed] Aw, Gypsy, you wrecked it; you had a great hand!

[singing to the background music in the opening credits]