[A large, bleacher-like musical staff appears, and an unseen female voice speaks.]
Boy! Am I glad to see you!
CCrow
Well, it's not mutual!
Crow T. Robot
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
Most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 1,660 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Tom Servo (818), Mike Nelson (376), Joel Robinson (271)
Scenes with Crow T. Robot 1,239
The spirit of music's inside all of you.
CCrow
No, I bathe.
In you... (points to the right while Servo makes missile noises) In you... (points to the left while Servo makes missile noises) In all of you! (Points straightforward while Crow imitates a missile hitting and Joel acts like he's hit)
[Popular high school girl Jeannie approaches Buzz invitingly]
JJeanie
Wanna come? We could dance!
CACrow [as Buzz]
Don't hit me!
BBuzz
No thanks... well... I mean I've got a lot of reading to do. You know, that big history essay...
JJeanie
But that's not due for two weeks!
BBuzz
I know Jeanie... but I...
SAServo [as Buzz]
...I gotta finish my letter to Jodie Foster.
[Returning home from school, a dejected Buzz fends off his mother's concern.]
BBuzz
Nah, I better get upstairs, and... do the reading.
BSBuzz's Mother
All right, dear. Oh, and Buzz...?
CACrow [as Buzz's Mother]
This time, don't make so much noise when you "read."
You sing a baby a lullaby, and it coos.
CACrow [as Jerry Lewis]
The lull-a-baby-bye! Oh... go away!
[Mr. B Natural is talking about joining the school band.]
And wait 'til you see the kicks you get out of it, Buzz.
Kicks!
The glamour of the uniform...
Kicks!
The thrill of traveling for a band competition...
The all-night coke jags in cheap motels!
...just like being in a football team, and best of all, Buzz, fun, fun, fun!
CACrow [as Buzz]
Yeah, that's nice... MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
[Mr. B Natural cavorts before the lifesized musical staff as "his" instruments play together.]
You know, I think Oscar Wilde only wished he was this gay, you know?
Ladies and gentlemen, please accept our sincere apology for all of this. Please.
CACrow [as Buzz]
Forget music, I wanna dance!
[Mr. B dances to some music.]
CCrow
He's so perky... kill her.
See, Buzz? It's really fun to be psychotic.
[An inspector is checking a trumpet.]
Extra value's what you get when you play the coronet.
CCrow
This trumpet is flatlining!
[Buzz is performing at a school dance]
JSJoel, Servo, Crow
[singing to the music] We're really, really white, we're really, really, really, really white...
. . .
Say, that guy's got a way with a ballad.
. . .
CACrow [as radio host]
Well, the old clock on the wall says that's all for the Stridex Medicated Band hour...
. . .
[Mr. B Natural appears and gives the "okay" symbol.]
It stinks!
[One of the girls is in her room, practicing her posture, when she notices her clown doll Bombo slumping on the dresser.]
Doesn't Bombo look tired?
CCrow
Yes, very much so.
[The girl makes the doll sit upright.]
JAJoel [as Bombo]
No, no, no, no! MY SPINE! AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!
[Servo makes broken spine noises]
[Tommy and Jimmy are writing at a blackboard; Jimmy draws a crude image of a house leaning to one side]
Tommy reminds Jimmy--
Hmm-hmm-hmm, that's you!
--when Jimmy stands off-balance.
CACrow [as Narrator]
Tears of shame pour down Tommy's face.
JAJoel [as Jimmy]
Ms. Martin! Tommy drew a bong!
Heh-heh... what?
[A silohuette appears on screen]
CCrow
Hey, it's Hitchcock!
Yeah, after Slim-Fast!
[All sing the Alfred Hitchcock Presents theme]
Appreciating Our Parents (short)
[Stress patient Natalie enters Dr. Conway's office for an appointment.]
SSharon
Sit down, Natalie, and I'll tell him you're here.
[Dr. Gilchrist turns to enter Dr. Conway's inner office.]
CACrow [as Sharon]
NUTCASE NATALIE'S HERE!
[During Dr. Conway's mournful after-dinner organ performance, Mark gets up to check on Natalie.]
SSharon
Don't you enjoy the doctor's music?
CACrow [as Mark]
Yeah, that's why I'm leavin'.
. . .
[Conway's piece enters a repetitive passage.]
CACrow [as Conway]
I'm sorry, I can't think of the ending!
SAServo [as Groucho]
I can't think of anything else!
More Mystery Science Theater 3000 characters
All Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes →
Tom ServoKevin Murphy · 1,542 quotes
Mike NelsonMichael J. Nelson · 824 quotes
Joel RobinsonJoel Hodgson · 542 quotes
NNarrator224 quotes
JJonah171 quotes
GGypsy75 quotes
EEmily69 quotes
CFDr. Clayton Forrester57 quotes
PFPearl Forrester26 quotes
MMax22 quotes
KFKinga Forrester21 quotes
JPJack Perkins20 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.