Crow T. Robot quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Oh, Miles O' Keefe!

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[Ator is attacked by the same primitive-looking cavemen from the first scene in the movie.]

CCrow

Oh! These must be the "Cave Dwellers"!

Yes ladies and gentlemen, thirty-five minutes into the film and we finally have our first plot point!

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[Barbarian Ator leaps from a cliff in a rather modern-looking hang-glider.]

Oh, come on.

CCrow

What the…?!

[laughs]

Terrific. [childlike voice] I'm the luckiest boy in the world! I have slipped the surly bounds of Earth and touched the hand of God!

This is a little ridiculous. Okay, so… he kills a deer, he tans the hides, he stretches the skins, he makes an anodized aluminum frame, he learns how to extrude and weld… all in about five minutes, huh? […] learned aerodynamics…

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[Despite flying over a castle amidst a mountain range, Ator brings his glider in for a landing in an open field.]

Oh, he's landing in the outback now.

[The scene then switches to Ator landing on top of said castle.]

CCrow

Uh-- huh?

How'd he do that?

SAServo [as Ator]

How'd I do that?

[Ator draws his swords and charges into battle.]

Well, I s'pose he's got a tank in the courtyard, now.

CCrow

Yeah, and it's made out of coconuts.

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[One of the pod people comes upon two hunters in the woods.]

H1Hunter #1

What the hell is that?

H2Hunter #2

I don't know...it looks like a cross between a pig and a bear!

CCrow

A pear?

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[The scene cuts from the cruising camper to the cave, emitting a red glow.]

Oh, terrific -- we were saved by the gates of Hell.

CCrow

Hey, what is it about the gates of Hell that compels people to wander into 'em?

JAJoel [as Adman]

It's because of Smuckers raspberry preserves.

CCrow

And what's he going to do, borrow a cup of sugar from Satan?

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[The musicians park their camper by a river. The forest sounds include synthesized musical chirps.]

Syntho-birds.

CCrow

Hey, it's a Casio forest.

They parked next to a data stream.

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TTommy

You know what "play" means, Trumpy?

CACrow [as Trumpy]

Yes, it's where I break you in half.

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[With Trumpy's help, Tommy sees African-veldt stock footage through his telescope.]

They got Wild Kingdom on the telescope.

. . .

TTommy

You can do magic things!

[Trumpy turns to reveal his eyes blazing with white light.]

CACrow [as Trumpy]

It's called "evil", kid.

Hey, he's got his high-beams on. Hmm?

He's got Bette Davis eyes.

CCrow

Orphan Annie eyes.

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[The letter D (for "Dancing") is represented as a group of children dancing.]

D is for damned, as in "Village Of".

. . .

CACrow [as dancing boy/Hitler]

You vill dance with me, Eva!

S3 Daddy-O

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[The letter R (for "Ribbon") is represented by children dancing around the maypole.]

CCrow

Hey, these are all boys!

. . .

Hey, there's Jack Klugman and Tony Randall!

S3 Daddy-O

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[Upon seeing title of movie]

CCrow

Daddy-O!

Must be Harry O's father. Or Wendy O.'s dad.

S3 Daddy-O

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[Glen Manning runs to rescue a pilot who crashed near an imminent nuclear bomb test. Joel and the bots pretend to be voices in Glen's head.]

[in Irish accent] Glen, this is your Father O'Malley. Come back, boy! It's not worth it!

CCrow

[in old lady voice] Glen, this is your 1st-grade teacher. Don't do it.