Curtis Donovan quotes from Misfits

Curtis

I need my power back.

Seth

That's not going to be possible.

Curtis

What're you talking about?

Seth

I don't have it.

Curtis

What d'yah mean, you don't have it?

Seth

I sold it to an old Jewish guy. He said he wanted to rewind time and kill Hitler. You've got to admire his ambition.

Kelly

You either get him his power back, or I'm going to start kicking you in the balls.

Nathan

Yeah, I've seen her do it. You won't enjoy it one little bit.

Kelly

You can't go around pretending to be Jesus. What's God going to say?

Marnie

You haven't even got a beard!

Elliot

Hey! I gave my life to Him. I went without money and sex. What a joke! I preached and prayed, and no-one gave a shit. You do a few miracles, everyone thinks you're the messiah. Have you seen that lot out there? I've given their lives... meaning.

Nathan

I'm sorry. Would you mind getting her to stop? That's very distracting.

Curtis

One of your followers killed my girlfriend.

Simon

You're exploiting the vulnerable.

Kelly

You're taking money of people.

Alisha

Intentionally assaulting girls.

Elliot

Hey, that's the Catholic Church for you.

Nathan

Hey, he's got a point. When I was growing up in Ireland, if the priests weren't fiddling with you, you were one of the ugly kids.

Nathan

We may have done sod all with our powers, but at least we never abused them. We never raped or murdered anyone!

Curtis

[Referring to Alisha] She raped me, and we killed loads of people.

Nathan

...Okay, but we're the good guys!

Curtis

You've seriously lost your cool.

Alisha

Oh, shut up. It's Christmas.

Nathan

[Swiping a plastic baby doll from the manger] Sorry, Jesus.

Marnie

I think I'm having another! I think I'm having twins!

Nathan

What?! Jesus, Mary and Joseph!

Marnie

What is it?

Nathan

You're giving birth to an alien!

Marnie

Get it out, get it out!

Nathan

[Pulls out placenta stomping on it and spraying everyone with blood] Die!

Kelly

It's the afterbirth, you dickhead!

Nathan

Anyway, so... happy Christmas, one and all.

Curtis

That is a fucking horrible jumper.

Nathan

Shut up. It was a Christmas present from Marnie. That's very rude.

Kelly

Is there any reason why have to have the same powers as we had before?

Alisha

Mine died with that Jesus guy.

Kelly

These new powers are bullshit. I thought this power would make me dead clever and everything, but all I know is how to build and design rockets.

Curtis

I guess it does exactly what it says on the tin.

Kelly

Except there's no fucking tin with all the instructions on it. No one believes someone like me could be a rocket scientist.

Alisha

Well, you don't exactly look like a rocket scientist.

Kelly

Maybe I should get some glasses, make me look dead intelligent.

Curtis

Yeah, that'll do it.

Rudy

[Tanya froze time and bottled Rudy and put the bottle in Curtis' hand] You've... you've bottled me!

Curtis

What are you talking about?!

Rudy

This man just bottled me!

Curtis

I didn't do anything to you!

Rudy

[To Charlie] Me face! Am I still, am I still gorgeous?

Rudy

[After running from the cops with Simon and Kelly] I've got to stop smoking and doing loads of speed, me.

Kelly

[Curtis shows up] I thought they had you.

Curtis

No. I got away. I... [looks at Rudy] I did my thing.

Rudy

Ah! If that's some sort of vague reference to all this "power" bullshit, then don't worry, cause I am cool and the gang with all that. [To Simon] You're very starey.

Rudy

[To Kelly writing in a notebook on rooftop] What you doing?

Kelly

Designing a new propulsion system.

Rudy

Why?

Kelly

Because I'm a fucking rocket scientist!

Rudy

Ah! Are we doing catchphrases? Maybe we could all have one. Mine could be, "Now you see me... now you see two of me."

Curtis

Why do we need catchphrases?

Rudy

You know, for when shit goes down, man. Oh, c'mon, d'you really think we're just gonna spend the next seven weeks ambling about, picking up litter?

Simon

He's got a point.

Alisha

Yeah, well, maybe it'll be different this time. Maybe there won't be any shit going down.

Rudy

Oh, trust me, there'll be shit. It's in the air. I can smell it.

Curtis

[Alisha notices Curtis noticing women in jogging attire and speaks to him with his walkman earbuds in, he pulls out walkman earbuds] What d'you say?

Alisha

I said, "Do you miss it?" The running?

Curtis

Ain't nothing I can do about it, is there? Why are you even asking?

Alisha

You're in a good mood.

Rudy

You should do the Lottery. Use your power. See the numbers. Take their trousers down, we'll stick it to 'em, split it 50/50.

Simon

Why should I split it with you?

Rudy

Because it was my idea, you! I'm the brains, you're the stare. Okay. 60/50.

Simon

[Chuckles] It's supposed to add up to 100.

Rudy

Whoa, don't even think about screwing me, [swipes Simon's cheek with paint scraper handle] sweet cheeks! 70/40. Final offer.

Simon

I don't get to choose what I see.

Rudy

Ah! Fine! 80/30. But I feel like I'm being raped here, and not in a good way.

Alisha

What are you smiling at?

Curtis

What? Am I not allowed to smile?

Alisha

You look like you just got laid.

Kelly

Have you just had a shag?

Curtis

Something like that.

Alisha

Who's the lucky girl?

Curtis

You don't know her.

Shaun

[Running alongside Mel on track circuit] D'you mind if I run with you?

Yeah, I do.

Shaun

[Mel completely ignores him] You, er, fancy going for a drink sometime? How about dinner? Hm? Please yourself. I'll catch you on the next lap, yeah? [Mel runs on from him]

[Approaches Emma] You look like you had a late one.

Emma

You'll never guess who I met last night.

Who?

Emma

Curtis Donovan. D'you remember him?Sprinting guy that got banned. It was a drugs thing.

Right. So what's he like?

Emma

Well, I thought he was cute. Then we went back to his...

By the time my ban's over, it'll be too late. No decent coach is gonna want to work with me. And all the guys I trained with, I was way better than them.

Emma

He was so negative about everything. Talk about feeling sorry for yourself!

Running's the only thing I was ever really... really good at. It was the only thing that made me feel good about myself.

Emma

It's like he blames everyone else for what's happened to him. I had to kiss him just to shut him up! I ended up giving him a sympathy shag.

What do you mean?

Emma

Big mistake. The guy is clueless. It was some of the worst sex I have ever had. [Laughs]

I have to warm down. [Walks away]

Rudy

Ho, ho! Oh, that were brutal, weren't it? That were like watching someone fist a baby lamb. She just took a huge shit in your mouth!

Curtis

Shut the fuck up, man!

Rudy

All right. Look, it... you know, it happens to all of us. Women are cruel and insensitive, and they are hurtful. But they're so beautiful. They smell really nice. They smell like... toffee apples.

Curtis

Can I ask you something? When we were together, was I...

Alisha

What?

Curtis

Was I... all right? You know, sex stuff?

Alisha

We couldn't actually touch each other, so...

Curtis

No, no, no. What we could do. Was I shit?

Alisha

No.

Curtis

That's one of those no's that means yes. [Mimics her voice] "No!" [Default voice] Fucking yes!

Alisha

What are you saying? I haven't said anything.

Curtis

Yeah, but you were thinking it. Say it. Go on, I want to hear it.

Alisha

No, you don't!

Curtis

Wait...! Is he better than me? [Chuckles and gestures to Simon on his phone] What, him? He's better than me?!

Alisha

Er, don't talk about him like that!

Curtis

Oh, man!

Alisha

When we're doing it, he's focused on me!

Curtis

What, and I wasn't?

Alisha

No, you just spent a lot of time watching yourself.

Curtis

That's bullshit!

Alisha

Oh, really? Look, you were like this. [Mimics masturbation for a moment]

Curtis

You done?!

Alisha

Look, this is the reason that girls don't tell boys this stuff. Their egos can't take it.

Curtis

Oh, so that's another thing that's wrong with me?

Alisha

Oh, here we go!

Curtis

What is that supposed to mean?

Alisha

Sometimes it's like there's this big fucking cloud just hanging over your head.

Curtis

There ain't no cloud!

Alisha

Oh, really? [Sucks teeth] "My life's shit! Everything's shit! I shouldn't even be here!" Look, if you don't want to hear it, don't ask.

Emma

[Enters his quarters] Are you all right? You know when you think you know someone... and they turn out to be something different? Fuck it. I don't wanna think about it. [Sits on bed beside him] So what have you been up to?

Curtis

Nothin'. Just hanging out. [Emma starts passionately kissing him and Curtis thwarts her] Oh... I don't think you really want this. [Emma starts taking off her dress] Put your clothes on.

Emma

What is your problem?

Curtis

Do you really wanna have sex with me, or is this just some kind of revenge fuck? 'Cause I don't want that. You don't need to do this. Put your clothes on.

Emma

I was wrong about you. Have I messed things up?

Curtis

No.

Emma

This is my dress. Why have you got my dress?

Curtis

I lent this to Mel.

Emma

You're shagging her, aren't you?

Curtis

No, no, it's not what you think it is.

Emma

So what is it, then? How did this get here? You're such a fucking prick.