Marnie quotes from Misfits

Nathan

[Walking in recreation centre hallway with pregnant Marnie fiddling with a cigarette] I really wouldn't do that if I were you. That's how babies get turned into dwarfs.

Marnie

I like dwarfs.

Nathan

Me too. Who are you?

Marnie

I'm Marnie.

Nathan

And this baby of yours, who's the dad?

Marnie

I'll know when it comes out. Depends if it's white or black or Chinese or...French.

Nathan

Those brown babies are very cute. And I like a Chinese baby as much as the next man.

Marnie

Me too. Whoever the dad is, he's not around.

Nathan

So you're all alone in the world, apart from the living organism growing inside you?

Marnie

Looks that way.

Nathan

We should probably go for a drink. Swap some funny stories. See if we have similar tastes and interests.

Marnie

Overcome some emotional hurdles.

Nathan

And have a few huge rows.

Marnie

"What did you do, you stupid prick?!"

Nathan

"I'm sorry, baby, I didn't know we were exclusive and she had massive tits! It'll never happen again!"

Marnie

We'll make up and before you know what's happened, I've trapped you in a serious relationship.

Nathan

That would be the conventional way to do it.

Marnie

There's just one problem; I can't drink.

Nathan

So... I guess we should skip all that other stuff and get straight down to the shagging. [They vigorously make love]

Marnie

[Nathan plops a bundle of cash on her] What's this?

Nathan

That's two grand, for you and the baby. Yeah, it should've been more, but I got really beaten down on the price.

Marnie

How did you get it? Did you suck off some fat German tourist?

Nathan

No! No, I sold my immortality.

Marnie

What?

Nathan

It's a long and totally ridiculous story. [Pulls her shirt and kisses her shoulder]

Elliot

[Preaching to housing estate residents] I am here to help you change your life today, right now, this moment! I know what it's like living on this estate! I know what it's like to feel disappointment, to feel pain to feel angry...

Nathan

[Bumps a woman's shoulder] What's all this?

Our Lord, Jesus Christ, has risen again!

Nathan

Right. Good for him. [Walks away]

Marnie

It's nice he's come back in time for Christmas.

Nathan

Yeah.

Elliot

...and I promise you, I will change your lives forever, this day, this moment!

[Pokes gun into woman's torso demanding her donation bucket] Give us the money. Do it!

Elliot

I know what it's like to... [notices mugger] did no one ever tell you that stealing is a sin?

Who are you?

Elliot

I'm Jesus Christ.

Yeah? Well, I need to score, [points gun at Elliot] so you're getting robbed.

Elliot

I don't think so. [Uses power to levitate gun out of man's hand and crowd applauds]

It's another miracle!

Elliot

[Points at mugger] You need to do some serious repenting. If you wish to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, you must give generously, so that we can spread the word of our Lord. Spread. [Crowd puts money in donation bucket]

Kelly

You can't go around pretending to be Jesus. What's God going to say?

Marnie

You haven't even got a beard!

Elliot

Hey! I gave my life to Him. I went without money and sex. What a joke! I preached and prayed, and no-one gave a shit. You do a few miracles, everyone thinks you're the messiah. Have you seen that lot out there? I've given their lives... meaning.

Nathan

I'm sorry. Would you mind getting her to stop? That's very distracting.

Curtis

One of your followers killed my girlfriend.

Simon

You're exploiting the vulnerable.

Kelly

You're taking money of people.

Alisha

Intentionally assaulting girls.

Elliot

Hey, that's the Catholic Church for you.

Nathan

Hey, he's got a point. When I was growing up in Ireland, if the priests weren't fiddling with you, you were one of the ugly kids.

Curtis

You've seriously lost your cool.

Alisha

Oh, shut up. It's Christmas.

Nathan

[Swiping a plastic baby doll from the manger] Sorry, Jesus.

Marnie

I think I'm having another! I think I'm having twins!

Nathan

What?! Jesus, Mary and Joseph!

Marnie

What is it?

Nathan

You're giving birth to an alien!

Marnie

Get it out, get it out!

Nathan

[Pulls out placenta stomping on it and spraying everyone with blood] Die!

Kelly

It's the afterbirth, you dickhead!

Nathan

Anyway, so... happy Christmas, one and all.