I've got a soft spot for Klinger. He looks a little like my son and he dresses a lot like my wife.
S4The Price of Tomato Juice
S4Dear Ma
Make sure no one goes into my tent.
I wouldn't do that, Ma'am.
SOMEBODY does.
Maybe it's rats.
You think RATS have been trying on my undies?
Some of them rats are weird.
My mother had those. Had a premonition about Pearl Harbor.
Did she tell anybody?
She didn't have it 'til December 9th.
Sir there was just a Korean in here.
This country is crawling with Koreans. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Korean.
(talking to his wife on the phone): I'm perfectly fine mother. Yes it's just as Radar said, I'm at the Officers Club.
I'll have another beer.
May I have the next tango Major?
Take it easy, the woman's not a nitwit. What's that Mother? Oh I do respect your preminitions. Yes it was you who said my sister'd go bald. Happily your wrong this time.
S4Der Tag
FBFrank Burns' Toe Tag
Emotionally exhausted and morally bankrupt.
S4Hawkeye
Hawkeye (speaking to a pregnant Korean woman): By the way, I'm a doctor and I can tell you for certain that you're pregnant. And we know what causes that nowadays too.
Meat? Where'd you get meat? This is fantastic! Wait...where's the dog? (Sees the dog come in) This is fantastic!
S4Some 38th Parallels
CCColonel Coner
Our losses were insignificant.
How many kids in an insignificant?
Frank (after seeing the garbage dumped on the Colonel): I had dreams like this all through puberty!
BBJ
These guys from your unit?
CCCol. Coner
I'm Colonel Coner
BBJ
Oh, yeah. The famous advance man from Forest Lawn.
Oh, pay no attention, sir. Their sense of patriotism is stunted.
Comes from smoking too many flags.
S4The Novocaine Mutiny
BBJ
Corporal Klinger's a corpsman. He's a good soldier. He'd prefer to be a good civilian, toward that end he dresses, uh--
In dresses.
CCColonel Carmichael
Bucking for a Section 8?
The man does his job; I'll give him that. I'm not saying I'd want an entire company of Klingers.
Unless, of course Christian Dior attacks Pearl Harbor.
The way I see it, unless we each conform, unless we obey orders, unless we follow our leaders blindly, there is no possible way we can remain free.
CCColonel Carmichael
I have weighed the evidence, not just the evidence but the records of the two individuals. I have no doubt that Captain Pierce is a prankster and thoroughly non-military, but the records prove him to be a top-flight surgeon. I wouldn't want to lead a company of Pierces into battle, but I sure as hell would want him around after that battle was over!
What does the record say about MY surgical skills.
CCColonel Carmichael
If you hadn't been drafted as a doctor, I think you would have been assigned as a pastry chef!
S4Smilin' Jack
COCorporal Owens
I don't want to go back to the fighting.
BBJ
Sounds serious. You may be coming down with mental health.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.