M*A*S*H · Season 1
[to Henry] We're here to report a pair of missing Longjohns.
[also to Henry] Which we own and you are wearing.
Can you identify them?
I've got a better idea. How about you identify them? [Trapper covers Henry's eyes] Without looking.
Well they're long...
And they're johns... they must be his.
[to Klinger] The next time I see you, I wanna see a shine on those high heels!
[Upon seeing Frank in the longjohns.] Look at what the giant rodent has on his body.
Supparating pustules, if there's any justice. [to Frank] Where'd you get those longjohns!
Wouldn't you like to know!
[picks up empty gas can and prepares to swing at Frank.] Those are mine you hermaphroditic weasel!
Possession is 9/10 of the law, Pierce. And I'm sleeping with a loaded baseball bat under my pillow, so don't try anything!
If I didn't think it would keep you warm, Frank, I'd come over there and beat you to a pulp. Say your prayers, Frank, or the tooth fairy may come and knock out all your teeth!
You got a stethoscope any place?
WE'RE A MEDICAL UNIT!!!
[seeing Klinger in a suit] Don't I know your sister?
[coming outside looking for Radar, yelling] Radar?
SHH!
Who are you shushing?!? What are you doing out here in your stockinged feet?!? You been at the still again, right?!?
[whispering] I'm working on a bomb!
What kind of a bomb?!?!
[still whispering] An unexploded bomb!
Oh! [whispering] THAT kind of bomb.
Hawkeye (after Henry's first loud megaphone message): One more like that and you and I will have interchangeable parts!
Psst! Psst!
You spring a leak?
The CIA has their own bomb?
You got any stethoscopes there?
WE'RE A MEDICAL UNIT!!!
(with a stethoscope to the bomb) The ticker's very faint. Not the bomb's, mine. The bomb is ticking away loud and clear.
[during a poker game in the Swamp]
Can't you guys do that somewhere else?
Why don't you do what you're doing somewhere else?
I'm not doing anything!
Well, you can do that anywhere, can't you?
[during a poker game] My last hand was more like a foot.
I'll write you every day--faithfully.
You promise?
Just like I do my wife.
You know, Frank, as rough as it's been, I think I'll miss you.
Well it might not have come to this if you had had the backbone to maintain some discipline.
Well--so much for missing you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
