TTrapper
[about the Swamp] Somebody sneaked in here and committed a neatness!
S1 The Moose
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Trapper John McIntyre
M*A*S*H · 691 quotes
9th most-quoted character in M*A*S*H: in 60 of its 691 quotes
Most scenes with: Hawkeye Pierce (45), Frank Marion Burns (15), Radar O'Reilly (7)
Lines by Trapper John McIntyre 7
TTrapper
The CIA has their own bomb?
TTrapper
[during a poker game] My last hand was more like a foot.
S1 Sticky Wicket
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TTrapper
I guess he's just unstable. You see, he took this weird oath as a young man, never to just stand by and watch people die.
Trapper (on the phone with old girlfriend): What're the ribs for?
Hawkeye (whispers): Anatomy Practice!
TTrapper
Anatomy Practice. Yeah, they don't let us use real people. The sauce? Well, uh.. they don't let us use fake blood either. ...You understand!?
Hawkeye (about breakfast): This looks familiar.
TTrapper
I once cut that up in med school.
Hawkeye (to Trapper, walking into Mess Tent): Would you mind sucking in your shoulders?
TTrapper
Pardon my build.
Scenes with Trapper John McIntyre 53
TTrapper
Hurry up, the truck will be here soon.
[Radar looks up as if he hears something and moves faster]
I think we just passed soon!
General Barker's fighter just pulled in, looks real big.
TJTrapper John Mcintyre
(Sounding scared)How big?
If he wanted to, he could be a platoon. [Trapper looks at Hawkeye.] Looks mean. [makes a face to show what he looks like]
(Discussing Trapper's opponent)
A guy told me that he was crossing the road, and this jeep came too close to him. He punched it.
TTrapper
He punched a jeep?
He knocked it out.
TTrapper
Hawkeye, this guy knocks out jeeps!
Showboat.
Sir, Major Burns will probably continue to complain about the promotion.
May I make a suggestion about Major Burns?
Yes, sir.
Give him a high colonic and send him on a ten-mile hike.
TTrapper
With full pack.
Good touch.
I'm gonna do something about this--I'm going to Henry.
SSpearchucker
Henry? Our Henry?
TTrapper
I thought you said you were going to do something about this.
S1 The Moose
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[An army film unit is making a documentary at the camp.]
[Reading from the film script] "...from the strong, capable hands of a Yankee Doodle Doctor."
TTrapper
[laughing] A Yankee Doodle --
[singing] Stuck a feather in his nurse...
HTHawkeye and Trapper
...and called her macaroni!
[In the film, Hawkeye plays the "Yankee Doodle Doctor" as a Groucho Marx-esque type character, and Trapper as a Harpo Marx-esque character. The first scene shows Radar as a patient being unloaded from an ambulance. ]
NNurse
Doctor, can you give him a hand?
YDYankee Doodle Doctor
I'd rather give you one!
Are you the Yankee Doodle Doctor?
YDYankee Doodle Doctor
I certainly am!
TTrapper
*HONK!*HONK!*
[Scene cuts to the Mess tent everyone watching the film with Hawkeye and Trapper laughing at people]
Gosh, am I glad they brought me here!
YDYankee Doodle Doctor
Wait a minute, have you got a reservation?
A reservation?!
YDYankee Doodle Doctor
I'm afraid we're all booked up through New Years!
TTrapper
*HONK!*
But, Doctor!
YDYankee Doodle Doctor
I'm sorry, kid. You should've booked ahead. Come to think of it, you should've booked the rest of the body as well!
TTrapper
Does Henry have an enemy?
Doesn't sound like the work of a friend. I think we better keep an eye on him.
TTrapper
Now?
He may not have a later.
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.