Due to the number of people bored last Sunday, next Sunday will be canceled.
S1Dear Dad
S1Edwina
Edwina, may I kiss you?
EEdwina
Is your mouth insured?
Did you want to say something, Henry, or were you just hoping for a free tonsillectomy?
S1Love Story
[referring to a book Hawkeye is holding] War AND Peace?
Well, Tolstoy was very flexible. He went either way.
AAnderson
I'll tell you how I feel about ol' Johann Sebastian.
Now that's highly significant.
AAnderson
I haven't said anything yet.
That's OK. I have confidence in you, Lieutenant.
S1Tuttle
[referring to Henry, after Frank and Margaret have asked to see him] I'm afraid he's doing some very important sleeping for the army right now.
[while Hawkeye is working on Tuttle's profile] You should write fiction.
You should read my file.
[Following Tuttle's eulogy]
Great work. There wasn't a dry eye in the whole camp.
Tuttle always brought out the best in me.
Hey, I just got one question. Where'd you guys get the dog-tags and the parachute?
Oh, that was Major Murdock.
Who?
Who's Major Murdock?
You know. Tall, skinny fella. Tuttle's replacement.
[realizing] Oh, yeah! I had breakfast with him this morning.
S1The Ringbanger
You're drunk!
[slurring] That's a dirty lie. And I intend to press charges. The minute I'm sober.
[drunk, holding a gun] Don't move, Korea, this is a stick-up.
S1Sometimes You Hear the Bullet
Look, all I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war. Rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is doctors can't change rule number one.
Wendell, another word for "gooks" is "people."
S1Dear Dad, Again
[thinking as he writes] I've never put much stock in ESP, but if it is possible for one person to read another person's mind, Radar has that ability. The little fink.
[walking past] Is that a nice thing to say?
What a mess. Stomach, kidney, liver...
What is that, an organ recital?
Fifty bucks.
I left my pockets back in the Swamp!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.