Henry Blake quotes from M*A*S*H

Henry

Whatever it is, even if the answer is "yes," it's "no."

Henry

This is the army! No one can do the best they can!

Henry

[drunk, holding a gun] Don't move, Korea, this is a stick-up.

Henry

Look, all I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war. Rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is doctors can't change rule number one.

Henry

(to Hawkeye and Trapper) I'm gonna do more than that. (Storms out office door, and then right back in) What am I doing? This is my office. You guys, get out!

Henry

I don't care if she did put an ice cube in your underwear! Girls will do that. You mustn't hit her with the dog! Now until I get back, you're the man of the house. Yes, I know Mommy thinks she is, but you really are!

Henry

I'd be lying if I said I understood that. I'd also be lying if I said I cared.

Henry

Frank, you're the only man I know who would make George Washington look like a slacker.

Henry

Radar, do you know what kind of wood this is?

Radar

Oak, sir?

Henry

Nope - it's oak.

Henry

I betcha don't know what kind of wood this is.

Radar

It's oak.

Henry

Nope - it's oak.

Henry Blake

Sir, Major Burns will probably continue to complain about the promotion.

May I make a suggestion about Major Burns?

Henry Blake

Yes, sir.

Give him a high colonic and send him on a ten-mile hike.

With full pack.

Good touch.

Henry

I assume you've all read my notice concerning the recent crime wave.

Hawkeye

I would've read it, but the notice was stolen.

Margaret

You're drunk!

Henry

[slurring] That's a dirty lie. And I intend to press charges. The minute I'm sober.

Hawkeye

[to Henry] We're here to report a pair of missing Longjohns.

[also to Henry] Which we own and you are wearing.

Henry

Can you identify them?

Hawkeye

I've got a better idea. How about you identify them? [Trapper covers Henry's eyes] Without looking.

Henry

Well they're long...

And they're johns... they must be his.

Henry

You know, Frank, as rough as it's been, I think I'll miss you.

Frank

Well it might not have come to this if you had had the backbone to maintain some discipline.

Henry

Well--so much for missing you.