AlLook, I do not think I want to buy a time share.
SSalesman
I guess I have to give up...but not before I play my trump card! Salesman turns on radio, which plays Kookie, Kookie. Edd Byrnes enters, which excites Peg Say hello to Edd "Kookie" Byrnes, star of 77 Sunset Strip! Now Edd, why did you come to Hurricane Hole?
EBEdd Byrnes
Because you gave me one for free, Stan.
Salesman{annoyed}: Well Kookie, guess you were a good actor but a lousy pitchman! to Peg & Al Look, all it is are easy payments of $6 a month.
Sir, please. My husband is on sabbatical from his job selling shoes and we just want to make love.
SSalesman
Shoe salesman?! In that case I know you cannot afford $6 timeshare payments. I want you people off the premises by 5!
Salesman and Edd Byrnes leave, but Edd has helped himself to Al's stash of girlie magazines
Well, that still gives us plenty of time.
Peg makes out with a reluctant Al
Al
Oh no! I have no girlie magazines! Kookie, Kookie, give me back my Big 'Uns!
Last lines of episode
Al
Oh, you know, hot, muggy, kitschy. What I expected.
Did you bring anything back?
Al
Only thing I could think of. Say hello to our new houseguest, Mr. Byrnes.
Edd Byrnes enters Bundy residence
EBEdd Byrnes
Hey kids, I got a treat for each of you!
Edd hands Kelly and Bud each a comb, then goes outside
Al
Care to tell me who those men camping out on my front lawn are?
Oh, that is just Anthrax, Daddy. They ate Mom's mystery pack so the Red Cross quarantined them to our house for six months.
Al
Swell. I can only imagine what ungodly music I will be made to bear for the next six months.
Anthrax is outdoors with Edd Byrnes
CBCharlie Benante
Hey, this really rocks!
Anthrax{singing in unison}: Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb!
Come on Mr. Darcy, you are just jealous that my dad is running this better than you did.
Yes, I admit that with your dad in control we are making more money in a week than I did in a month, but I am worried about the attention we are attracting. Most of all, I am worried about your father. Something has changed about him.
Al enters in a white suit like a Mafia don
Al
People to rip off, I love it! Come on you little moneymakers, daddy needs a new pair of everything!
Al, you have done it this time! For the sake of my own safety, this partnership is dissolved.
Al
Fine, more for me!
I do not think you are fully aware of what you did by offending Madame Inga. Word is she is gathering all the dark forces of Sweden to invoke a curse on your house.
Al laughs uproariously
Al
You should listen to yourself! The dark forces of Sweden?! Oh no, the Swedish are after me! What can they do? Transform my Dodge into a Volvo? See my house is now furnished by Ikea? Or even worse, I wake up one morning next to some long-legged, blonde Nordic beauty with amazing bazoombas!
Al
I'm not going to tell you now, but I have a special surprise in mind.
You got a bumper sticker that says, "My Other Car is My Feet"?
You used your finger to make a really cool racing stripe in the dirt on the side of the car?
You got a new 8-track of "Hotel California"? We can crank it as we're towed down the freeway?
Al
I'd like to talk to you today about women. I don't like 'em. I mean, you folks are English, but even you can't like women. I mean, you're sitting home, watching sports, and that's the exact time that they pick to plant their ever widening, what you call bums next to you, and ask "Remember that restaurant we went to 18 years ago. Did you think that waitress was pretty?" Then you tell them to shut up, and they get mad. Now, I'm not proposing a solution, ‘cause I gotta go soon, I see my wife looking, but I'd just like to say "I don't like 'em." Now could I get a "Whoa, women. I DON'T LIKE 'EM?"
CCrowd
Whoa, women. I DON'T LIKE 'EM.
Al
Oh, by the way, am I alone in hating the French.
Al
I thought not.
You know, Al, since we're in a castle... crown me, baby!
Al
Ah, what the hell, it's the first thing I had to pay for this whole trip. All right, Peg, go ahead and say it, what am I, baby?
Al
Make me believe it.
Who's gonna make me believe it?
Well, I just saved your worthless hides, and I think I deserve a hearty, "Good job, Kelly, thank you."
Al
Well, you might have gotten a nice thank you if you hadn't said we'd move faster if we lightened the load, then unhitched the horse!
Married... with Children · 613 quotes
