King of the Hill Season 13 quotes

Lucky

I've seen a lot of nature documentaries, and I find that most of life's questions can be answered with another question: what would a monkey do?

Hank Hill

[to his new grandniece] Aw, you're a cute one, I tell you what.

Gotdog! Ray Roy! Now, I hope you got two girls in there! [Buck runs into the room and finds Ray Roy in bed with Ms. Scovall]

What the... ?! I told you to stand in line! You didn't stand in line, boy.

Hell, Daddy, that line was moving too slow. I just had to do cutsies.

Cut... Why you son of a... [Buck jumps on the bed and he and Ray Roy start fighting]

Hank

[overhears them in the hall] Oh No.

[She's cheering on Buck and Ray Roy as they're fighting] Yeah. Yeah. Woo hoo.

[Buck is choking Ray Roy] Ow. [Ray Roy then throws him to the ground]

Hank

[Hank walks into the room. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!

Oh, Hank, we were just letting off a little steam.

Hank

I have tried with all my might to save you from yourself, Mr. Strickland. Well, not anymore. You're on your own. You should be ashamed of yourselves. And that includes you, Ms. Scovall. You have not honored propane.

He's right. I should be ashamed of myself. But I never am.

Son, what's the bad part of Memphis called?

Memphis!

We're here to honor one of the giants of Texas propane, Mr. Buck Strickland. To introduce Mr. Strickland, his right-hand man, Hank Hill.

Hank

(Hank walks onto the stage drunk and knocks down the emcee) I'm not gonna say... Hell, I am gonna say what I have been wanting to say. Buck Strickland is a monster, a drunk monster. Buck Strickland is nothing but a lecherous, disgusting bastard-making bastard. (slurred gibberish) And now, I'm going to vomit. (he vomits on a guest's head)

Mr. Hill, your guilt hardly seems to be an issue. So we can move right on to the punishment phase, which, as a preview, will be severe.

Hank Hill

Indeed sir, I cannot begin to say how sorry I am.

Hello? Buck? Well, we are in the middle of a hearing...Like the one in 1984? Consortium members perk up OK then! hangs up Gentlemen, that was Buck Strickland. His "hospitality suite" is open.

Like the one in 84?

Mr. Hill, the board needs to adjourn to...uh, caucus about your case. You stay put.

Hank Hill

I will not move a muscle.

I am in my third term as President of the Propane Gas Consortium. Prostitute giggles

Peggy

All propane men make mistakes sometimes, including your husbands.

Well, now that everyone's got a pretty girl on his lap, I would like to discuss leniency for my employee, Hank Hill.

Setup! Everybody run!

Ray Roy, lock the door.

Now, you are all reasonable men. I think surely you can find forgiveness in your heart for old Hank, and it would be good to do it before your wives get here.

You win, Buck.

Get their hair done.

Mr. Hill, we had a chance to go over the case with your employer, Buck Strickland. He convinced us that while your actions last night were wrong; you are contrite about it, and that your actions over the past twenty years more than atone for it. He was very persuasive. As a result, the board has unanimously approved Mr. Strickland's nomination for membership in the Propane Hall of Flame.

Hank Hill

I am in the Hall of Flame too?

Congratulations, Hank.

Hank Hill

Thank you!

No, thank you, Ol' Top. All of propane owed you a debt.

Dale

(Imitating Survivorman) There is no greater survival skill that the ability to start a fire without matches. Fortunately Arlen is rich in natural propane tank deposits.

Hey Hank Hill, I knew rednecks abandon cars and refrigerators, guess we can throw kids on the list too! Hahahaha!

Hank Hill

Hello.

Bobby Hill

Hello? That's all you got? Just what the heck is going on?

Hank Hill

What do you mean? We're finishing dinner. We'll be there to pick you up at 9:00.

Bobby Hill

Oh, really? Well, you might want to check your watch, buddy boy. It's 10:30!

Hank Hill

(realizes the watch was 10:30) Oh, my God. Peggy, it's 10:30!

Peggy Hill

(Gasps) Where's Bobby?

Hank Hill

Bobby, where are you?

Bobby Hill

I'm at the Get In, Get Out. I hope you're happy. I'm just prostitutes by panty hose!

Hank Hill

He's at the Get In, Get Out! (Peggy gasps and runs out to the emergency door.)

So, we're getting a bike; not getting a bike, what am I doing?

Hank

[to Longhorns team] Now, come on, let's go kick some Mustang ass!

Hank

I really wish I could play, but the pain is excruciating. I'd better go ice my nose. [the following quarterbacks chase Dale]

Bobby

Not one of [these girls] has seen my "Flatulent Monkey Visits the Post Office" routine!

Hey, do you have that song that goes, "Wah-nah-nah-nah-nah scroun-scrouna Wah-nah-nah-nah-nah scroun-scrouna?"

(To Peggy) I gotta... yeah.

Nancy

Vodka, this is chopper one. Traffic is clear from my mouth to my stomach.

Hey, give me the keys, Nancy. I want to go buzz my ex-husband's girlfriend's condo. (laughs)

[shouting out the window] I'm... Wade... Bixby!