King of the Hill quotes

Hank Hill

[After just noticing Dale] DALE!

Dale Gribble

Oh, man!

Hank Hill

Dale, you went too far this time! Come back here! [Starts chasing Dale] Come here! I'm gonna kick your ass!

Dale Gribble

No! NO!

Hank Hill

I'm gonna kick it harder if you don't come over here!

Dale Gribble

[desperate] You shouldn't have fired me! You know what I'm like! I'm capable of any crazy thing!

Hank Hill

But my lawn, Dale! You don't mess with a man's LAWN!

Dale Gribble

I had no choice! I tried planting the ants in your driveway, but they didn't take! They couldn't bite through cement! They're weak, like me! [Wheezes]

Hank Hill

(remorseful) Oh... oh, God. You sacrificed your life to save my son. I guess that makes us even for you ruinin' my lawn... What am I saying? Of course, it makes us even...

Dale Gribble

While I was blacked out, was anything inserted into me?

Hank Hill

(relieved) You're alive?

Dale Gribble

...answer the question.

Luanne

Look, Aunt Peggy, I got my practice head! It's got real hair and everything!

Peggy

(approaching) Well, Luanne, it's a very nice head-

Luanne

(interrupting sharply and furiously) DON'T TOUCH IT!! (calmly) Aunt Peggy, I can't let anything happen to it before my final exam.

Bobby

(Talking to a mannequin head) "You look really special tonight."

Peggy

We'll move to Berlin. Bobby will be accepted there. I read somewhere that Germans are a very tolerant people. Their culture admires all kinds of freaks.

Peggy Hill

I know it is not my fault. If anything, this is your fault. You made him go to that camp with no toilet doors.

Hank Hill

Don't point your finger at me, woman. You're the one who parks him in front of the TV and makes him watch all them Muppets. They got frogs kissing pigs, what the hell did they think was going to happen?

Hank Hill

(Seeing Bobby freeing the practice head in the cabinets) Well that just tears it! I have tried to be patient, but now it's time for a little tough love! (snatches the practice head away from Bobby)

Bobby

No...wait!

Luanne Platter

What's going on?

Peggy Hill

I don't know.

Bobby Hill

NO, DAD, NO!

Peggy Hill

Hank? Stop Hank! Please!

Luanne Platter

Oh no! PLEASE DON'T UNCLE HANK!

Luanne Platter

(inconsolably screaming) MY TEST! WHAT ABOUT MY TEST?!

Bobby Hill

Wow, I always thought this was a crack house.

Bobby Hill

This gun is very nice.

Hank Hill

Yeah, they’re all nice guns and all guns are nice.

Bobby

Can I put a gun rack on my bike?

Hank

Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to ask me that?

Hank Hill

Why don't we get you into one of those safety courses and if you're still interested after they've taken all the fun out of it, then we'll see about the ponchos and the... uh... tournament.

Dale

Guns don't kill people, the government does.

Hank

Dale, the NRA is a Washington DC based organization. Are you telling me you support Washington D.C.?!

Dale

*pause* THAT'S a thinker...

Sorry I'm late, I had to stop at the wax museum and give the finger to F.D.R.

Hank Hill

Six AM and already the boy ain't right...