Don't play mind checkers with me, man. I'm not in the mood.
S2 E2Texas City Twister
This tornado's already registered a level two on the Fujisaki scale. A storm that strong will send an egg through a barn door -- two barn doors if one of them's open.
What about a level three, Mr. Gribble?
A level three tornado will blow an egg right through a brick wall. Twister chasers call it "Humpty's Revenge."
All right, twister. It's just you and me now. Ten years ago you took my shed. [the twister's image is reflected on his shades] Did you think I'd forget that? Come on, bring it on! [a raindrop hits the windshield] GAAHH!! No! Please, let me go! [Dale panics, and the Dead Bug veers out of control]
Come on. [honks horn] Come on! Let's go! Move that truck! [a worker walks towards his truck] My wife is stuck in Shining Pines.
DWDecontamination Worker
I'm not authorized to drive the truck, sir.
My wife is in danger, damn it! Now make something happen!
DWDecontamination Worker
[blows whistle] SECURITY!!!
Bill, thank God! Make this idiot let me pass.
What did I do to deserve this? I didn't mean to curse my wife to Hell!
[worried] Ohh...
Ahhh... AAHH!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the chance I've been waiting for!
You're tough, Bill. You're the toughest Army barber I know.
Set your mousse to stun, there, Bill.
Mention your home was destroyed, and get a free 5-pound bag of onions.
S2 E3The Arrowhead
Fine. But I think you owe my lawn an apology. *pauses* We're waiting!
That's not Dale's mower. That's not a mower at all! [reveals to be a bulldozer outside the window] Nooooooo.....!!!!!!
S2 E4Hilloween
Booooo! I am a high-priced Washington lobbyist, peddling influence! Who wants candy?
Luanne and Bobby are at Junie Harper's house
[Nearly chokes on his beer before swallowing] I came very close to spitting out beer!
[To Luanne] Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep talkin'!
Halloween is a satanic holiday. It was invented by the Dru-ish.
S2 E5Jumpin' Crack Bass (It's a Gas, Gas, Gas)
Maybe I should tie the long hair on your head to the short hair on your ass and kick you down the street!
Dale, you giblet-head, if you were gonna cheat, why'd you buy a frozen bass?
I had a coupon.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's King of the Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.