MGMedieval Guy
How now, gas man.
S6 E8Joust Like a Woman
S6 E9The Bluegrass is Always Greener
"In America, you put "In God We Trust" on your money. In Russia, we have no money!"
S6 E10The Substitute Spanish Prisoner
JJimmy
[screams] She pulled her thumb off! Call a doctor!
S6 E11Unfortunate Son
Falcon, bring us back a vole. Sh-sh-sha!
[The falcon immediately attacks Bill.]
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! It bites!
[Bill runs off.]
...so Bill's a vole.
[Hank and Cotton are forced to the edge of a cliff in the forest while being pursued by Vietnam veterans who are berserk from PTSD]
[sighs] I'm sorry, dad. It was a bad idea to try to get everyone together. I guess I just...
GOD...DANG IT, Hank! Don't apologize! You did everything right... I screwed up. Sometimes you can do everything right and still lose; it ain't your fault. You gave it everything you had. That's all I ever asked of my men. Thanks for trying soldier.
[both men smile at each other, the Vietnam vets snap out of it and start crying]
OAOne-armed Vet
That's all we ever wanted to hear; 'You did your best [sniffles] thanks for trying.'
Well I gotta say I'm surprised you fellas are as good as you is. [pause] Shoot, you captured Cotton Hill, the whole Nazzy army couldn't do that. As commanding officer of the local VFW Post, I would be honored to have you fellas join our organization. On the one condition: that you stop all this GOT DANG BAWLING!
OAOne-armed Vet
We'll uh... we'll do our best, colonel.
[Cotton salutes the vets which they promptly return. Cotton then sees Hank smiling at him]
Oh, what're you smiling about? Oh, you think you're getting your propane bill paid? Well, you ain't! You're in a long line behind cable, hooch, and scooch. [goes to the One-armed Vet, Hank is still smiling]You ever get shot?
OAOne-armed vet
I got a metal plate in my head.
No kidding?! I got no shins!
S6 E12Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret Hill
[cues the propane lever in the Devil's cave] That's a clean burning Hell, I'd tell you what! [evil laugh]
S6 E13Tankin' It To The Streets
Where are you going to keep it, smart guy? It doesn't even fit inside your garage.
KKahn
Uh, Maybe I keep garage inside SUV! (laughs) Kiss my ass!
What are you asking Bill for? The army destroyed all his brain cells with their deadly placebo drug. No wonder he's an ignor-anus.
What did you say?
"Ignor-anus." It means "stupid," you moron.
Dale, you said "placebo."
Yeah, I read it in Bill's file. That was the name of the drug they gave him: "Placebo." I think it's made by "Puh-fizer."
Bill, it was a different time. It was back when we didn't know the Russians were incompetent.
Gentlemen, the crap has literally been scared out of me.
He's...he's gone! Bill's dead!
[Crying] Oh, dang 'ol, dang 'ol Bill, man!
[Taking his hat off in tribute] Bill was a good friend. He gave his life to save ours. I can safely say I would not have done the same for him.
[Sighs] The last thing I told him was he had bad breath. I wish I would've told him that he was a brave man...honest...sweet...[starts tearing up]...like a...big old stuffed teddy bear...[The otherwise-stoic Hank breaks down sobbing.] Oh God...I'm gonna miss him...
[Hank, Boomhauer and Dale begin crying inconsolably at the death of their friend Bill...including Bill himself. Hearing his voice, they stop crying, and look around to find the source of the sound. Bill is seen partly visible behind some shrubbery.]
Bill?!
[The three rush over to Bill, who is alive, but bruised and covered in dirt.]
[relieved] You're alive! You made it out in time!
Somehow I got blowed out by the asplosion...that hurt. Ow. Hey look, my- my carpal tunnel is gone.
[Bill lifts his right hand, which is horrifically mangled. His friends cringe.]
That is gross.
I heard what you guys said though - that I was brave and honest and a good friend. Do you still think that, now that I'm not dead?
Yup.
Yup.
Mm-hmm.
[Satisfied with this response, Bill passes out with a smile on his face.]
S6 E14Of Mice and Little Green Men
You're like E.T., except E.T. was a purebred alien with a heart of gold. You're only half-alien and at times can be a tad self-absorbed.
He's just being nice to me so my real dad won't freeze him in carbonite and trade him for spice.
S6 E15A Man Without a Country Club
What happens if my tee shot lands on a bird's back and he carries it out of bounds but then is attacked by a larger bird who grabs the ball and drops it in the hole? Is that still a hole-in-one? Because that's how I'm going to play it.
Dang it, Dale. It already happened once. What are the odds of it happening again?
I've never had a caddy before. I'm gonna treat him like crap.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's King of the Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.