Dale Gribble quotes from King of the Hill

You let go of my beer!

Dale

So help me, Bill don't mess with my trigger finger!

Oh, what are you going to do, shoot me with my beer? I don't think so!

S4 E18 Won't You Pimai Neighbor?

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Dale

Aw, I've been at John Redc- uh, the gun club ... playing Russian Roulette.

Did you win?

Dale

You're not familiar with the game, are you?

No...

Dale

Yeah, I won.

S4 E21 Nancy's Boys

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Dammit, Dale. Turn that thing off!

Dale

I'm just testing my new sound card.

S4 E23 Transnational Amusements Presents: Peggy's Magic Sex Feet

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[The Hills are trying to drive through the congested traffic on their street, when Dale knocks on Hank's window.]

Dale

Valet parking is five dollars. Valet of the Dale's is not responsible for lost or stolen articles.

Dale, I'm just going to park in my driveway.

Dale

That lot's full, but Bill says I can put overflow parking poolside at Luanne's house. [yells to Octavio, off-screen]

S5 E8 T'was the Nut Before Christmas

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Peggy

[during "The Flowers of Time"] Hank, are you crying?

No, just watching the movie.

Dale

Hank, you're scaring me. What the hell is going on?

I'm okay. Please continue to look at the screen!

Dale

Hank Hill is weeping like a little French girl!

S5 E9 Chasing Bobby

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I'm gonna kick your asses!

Dale

Why is it always about asses with you, Hank?

S5 E11 Hank and the Great Glass Elevator

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[After dale puts Chip through a wood-chipper]

Dale, are you nuts!?

Dale

You'll never put that creep back together! I mixed him in with two chairs and a toboggan! Ha ha ha!

You're next! I'm kicking your ass through that thing!!

Dale

[inhales chloroform] You wouldn't hit an unconscious maaaaa.... [passes out]

S5 E12 Now Who's the Dummy?

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CComputer

Perimeter Breach!

Dale

Perimeter breach? [Clicks through his different security cameras and sees the Bobby puppet looking at him through one of the cameras. Dale screams and inhales chloroform] You'll never catch Dale Griiiiib..... [Passes out. Scene cuts to the outside, showing Bobby holding the puppet to the camera with Hank looking on.

Heh, you were right, Bobbies. Ventriloquism is fun.

S5 E12 Now Who's the Dummy?

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Dale

Up yours, Joseph!

Dale!

Dale

I'm sorry son, that's the coffee talking. And the florescent lighting. And the excruciating headache.

Make some time for the roaches, shug.

Dale

We'd all love to make time for roaches, but in the real world, people have to spend all night reconciling invoices or [raising his voice] Ms. Pippman WON'T LET THEM WEAR CHINOS OR A KNIT SHIRT NEXT FRIDAY!

S5 E14 The Exterminator

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I wish I had a son to kick me in the nuts.

Dale

[While Bill writhes in agony] Be careful what you wish for.

S6 E1 Bobby Goes Nuts

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Bobby Hill

Is that my dad [on the phone]? Ask him if he's gonna be late if I can have his pork chop.

Dale Gribble

Bobby, you'll be eating your father's pork chop every night for the rest of your life. Wait. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Retraction! Bobby, you will not be having your father's pork chop tonight, or any other night! You hear me Hank?! Bobby's not eating your pork chop!

S6 E2 Soldier of Misfortune

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Dale

Falcon, bring us back a vole. Sh-sh-sha!

[The falcon immediately attacks Bill.]

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! It bites!

[Bill runs off.]

Dale

...so Bill's a vole.

S6 E11 Unfortunate Son

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Dale

What are you asking Bill for? The army destroyed all his brain cells with their deadly placebo drug. No wonder he's an ignor-anus.

What did you say?

Dale

"Ignor-anus." It means "stupid," you moron.

Dale, you said "placebo."

Dale

Yeah, I read it in Bill's file. That was the name of the drug they gave him: "Placebo." I think it's made by "Puh-fizer."

S6 E13 Tankin' It To The Streets

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He's...he's gone! Bill's dead!

Boomhauer

[Crying] Oh, dang 'ol, dang 'ol Bill, man!

Dale

[Taking his hat off in tribute] Bill was a good friend. He gave his life to save ours. I can safely say I would not have done the same for him.

[Sighs] The last thing I told him was he had bad breath. I wish I would've told him that he was a brave man...honest...sweet...[starts tearing up]...like a...big old stuffed teddy bear...[The otherwise-stoic Hank breaks down sobbing.] Oh God...I'm gonna miss him...

[Hank, Boomhauer and Dale begin crying inconsolably at the death of their friend Bill...including Bill himself. Hearing his voice, they stop crying, and look around to find the source of the sound. Bill is seen partly visible behind some shrubbery.]

Bill?!

[The three rush over to Bill, who is alive, but bruised and covered in dirt.]

[relieved] You're alive! You made it out in time!

Somehow I got blowed out by the asplosion...that hurt. Ow. Hey look, my- my carpal tunnel is gone.

[Bill lifts his right hand, which is horrifically mangled. His friends cringe.]

Dale

That is gross.

I heard what you guys said though - that I was brave and honest and a good friend. Do you still think that, now that I'm not dead?

Yup.

Dale

Yup.

Boomhauer

Mm-hmm.

[Satisfied with this response, Bill passes out with a smile on his face.]

S6 E13 Tankin' It To The Streets

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Dale Gribble

What happens if my tee shot lands on a bird's back and he carries it out of bounds but then is attacked by a larger bird who grabs the ball and drops it in the hole? Is that still a hole-in-one? Because that's how I'm going to play it.