Hey bro, how'd you lose your hand?
SSailor
Diabetes.
That's not much of an adventure is it? Kind of tragic.
S6 E3The Gang Buys a Boat
I got us some turpentine, some wax and some high-gloss boat paint. This shit is really expensive.
Aw, dude, you're telling me. I picked us up some new slacks and docksiders, so we could have the right look. Y'know, fit in and everything? We're running pretty low on remaining dick towel money though.
Plus, we gotta fill that thing up with gas.
I know, man. We gotta pop by the department store, pick up the mattress--and I wanna get a nice one, too.
Wait, the--the what? The mattress? What do we need a mattress for?
What do you mean, "what do we need a mattress for?" Why in the hell do you think we just spent that money on a boat? The whole purpose of buying the boat in the first place was to get the ladies nice and tipsy topside, so we can take them to a nice, comfortable place below deck, and you know, they can't refuse...because of the implication.
Oh. Uh, okay...you had me goin' there for the first part, the second half kinda threw me.
Well, dude, think about it. She's out in the middle of nowhere, with some dude she barely knows. She looks around, and what does she see? Nothing but open ocean. "Aaah, there's nowhere for me to run! What am I gonna do, say no?"
Okay, heh. That seems really dark though.
Nah, no, it's not dark. You're misunderstanding me, bro.
I think I am. Heh heh.
Yeah, you are. Because if the girl said "no", then the answer obviously is no.
"No", right.
But the thing is, she's not gonna say "no". She would never say "no", because of the implication.
...Now, you've said that word "implication" a couple of times. W--what implication?
The implication that things might go wrong for her if she refuses to sleep with me. Now, not that things are gonna go wrong for her, but she's thinking that they will.
...But it sounds like she doesn't want to have sex with you.
Why aren't you understanding this? She doesn't know whether she wants to have sex with me, it's--that's not the issue--
Are you gonna hurt women?
I'm not gonna hurt these women! Why would I ever hurt these women? I feel like you're not getting this at all!
I'm not getting it.
Goddamn! [to old woman staring at him] Well, don't you look at me like that. You certainly wouldn't be in any danger.
So, they are in danger--
No one's in any danger! How can I make that any more clear to you, okay? It's an implication of danger!
S6 E4Mac's Big Break
You keep on using this word "jabroni" and... it's awesome.
Please don't curse.
You can't censor me bro, I'm kind of a bad ass.
"Reggie Leech" is... the correct answer!
AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
We are not men who get a lot of opportunities, and the ones we've had we've squandered.
We've squandered them all.
So, uh, Dennis and Dee Reynolds here, we are talking about the homeless issue here in Philly, that's a big issue these days and we're here with our friend Cricket, he is a homeless man. Cricket, walk us through a day in your life.
A day in the life-- well, the other morning, I wake up and I find a dog sniffin' at my wound. He's fully aroused - mind you - so I'm thinking "oh great, what does this jerk want?" Of course I know what he wants, he's looking at me right in the eyes, he does not have to say it - not that he could. [Starts sucking on a lemon] Urrggghhhh that is- that is tart! That is really tart. I mean does my scar look like a dog's vagina? You know, maybe, I don't know, I'm not going to sit here and try to get inside the mind of a dog! I mean that's God's work. Well, not that I believe in God, I don't. Not since that chinaman stole my kidney.
WThe Waitress
I am not leaving here until you apologize to me.
Yeah, well, you're going to be here for a while.
I'll give you fifty bucks if you take your top off... and drink soup out of my shoe.
PSPreston & Steve
Hey, who's on the line?
Is that us?
That sounded like us!
Uh, Mac from South Philly!
PSPreston & Steve
Alright, Mac from South Philly, you're on with Preston & Steve.
Holy shit, he got on.
Holy shit, I got on!
PSPreston & Steve
Please don't curse. Alright, here is the question: what Philadelphia Flyer holds the franchise record for goals in a season? You have 30 seconds, go!
[to Charlie] Okay, this is a hockey question, go!
Okay, hockey! Uhhhhhh, where's the "H" key? There's no "H" key-- there's no "H" key!
What are you talking about?
Is there another way to spell "hockey"?
Dude--
There's no "H" key on this key-
It's right there! Why did I put you in charge of this job? Aw, forget this, dude! I got this, I got this--think, Mac, think! Think--I gotta think like that guy that sits on the rock!
[puts his fist under his chin] This dude, the one like that?
Yeah, with the big muscles and he puts his hand on his-
He's big and green and he gets angry-- oh, the Hulk! The Incredible Hulk.
The Hulk doesn't think at all. Shit, I know this...
PSPreston & Steve
Dude, you gotta stop cursing!
You guys can't censor me, I'm a bit of a badass.
PSPreston & Steve
[chuckles] Can't censor him-- alright, let's go! Answer the question, come on!
Agh! I don't know, I don't know it. Damn it! Reggie Leach.
Reggie Leach is the... correct answer!
[pause]
AAAAAA--
S6 E5Mac and Charlie: White Trash
I have a proposition too. Why don't you walk in front of me so I don't get your blood all over my feet?
I bet you don't even have any black people here.
PGPool Guy
Excuse me, ma'am, but there's an African American family right there.
Well good for you. You keep a couple token ones around. Do you parade them around like a couple dancing monkeys?
Stride, stride, execute!
S6 E6Mac's Mom Burns Her House Down
MMrs. Mac
They ain't American, I don't want to know them.
KMrs. Kelly
I know. I wish they'd all go back to the desert.
It does seem like they're bonding.
It's not really a Golden Girls type conversation, it's a racist conversation.
Mom was a manager of Jiffy Lube for many years.
CCharle
I never heard about this.
Well, she doesn't like to brag. She started her way at the bottom and worked her way to the tippidy top.
There's only three people at Jiffy Lube so it's not exactly a high climb.
S6 E7Who Got Dee Pregnant?
We're trying to piece a night together and we need your help.
I don't remember that night.
I didn't tell you which night yet.
I don't remember most evenings.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.