Roxy, you are good shit and I want to make this legit. I'm still gonna pay you - but I want you to stop banging other guys. What do you say? You wanna be my wife or what?
[To Roxy's Corpse]
S7 E1Frank's Pretty Woman
Roxy, God Bless you. You were a good whore, you serviced me like no other whore ever did; not only my crank, but my heart - and I'm gonna miss you. AMEN.
I love eggs, Charlie. And I love crabs. And I love boiling denim and banging whores. And I don't care if anyone doesn't like that about me, they don't have to stick around.
You look fat as shit! I'm getting very concerned with the integrity of our organization here. Mac, you have gained 50 pounds of fat.”
“Mass.”
“Fat.”
“Muscle.”
Let's be clear. Fat.”
“People change, Frank. Look at me: I went from a tiny twink to the muscle-bound freak you see before you.”
“But I'm healthy besides the diabitis.
DDoctor
“Um, no.
“But I'm more healthier than he is, is the point I think you're trying to make, even with the diabitis.
Dude, stop saying "diabitis"! You sound like an ass...
“The other day we were hanging out under the bridge, we found a box of denim, and I'm like "these look like good jeans in here," and (Frank)'s like "Wanna split them with me 50/50?" That's a nice thing to do.”
[to Roxy] Your life is way more glamorous than I was picturing.
RRoxy
Yeah, yeah. Now help me dig these crack rocks out of my ass.
That's what I was picturing.
Can I offer you a nice egg in this trying time?
RRoxy
Ew, I like this jacket is awesome, and it's tighter than dick skin, man.
Come on, Roxy. We're in a classy place with classy clothes for classy people. Don't talk about dick skin.
JJerry
Um, hi. Can I help you?
No thanks, we're just trying some stuff on.
JJerry
Well, you are aware that jacket is 500 dollars, right?
Are you implying we can't afford that?
JJerry
Can you?
That's none of your business.
JJerry
Umm, it's exactly my business.
RRoxy
Hey, screw your dick skin jacket. [pours vodka on the jacket]
DSDee and Salesman
No! No! No!
RRoxy
How you like me now, gay boy?
Oh, don't call him gay. It'd be one thing if he wasn't, but he clearly is, so--
MManager
Is there a problem here?
RRoxy
Yeah, I'm trying to buy this jacket and this asshole here is giving me shit.
MManager
You are aware of the price?
RRoxy
Well, I have money. [Pulls out a giant wad of cash]
MManager
Jerry, can I speak with you in my office?
JJerry
You have got to be kidding me!
Boom! Face Jerry! Face! Sorry about the gay stuff though. That did cross the line.
S7 E2The Gang goes to Jersey Shore
"Yeah, me too. I would love to go on a vacation."
"Yeah but not to the Jersey Shore though. That place sounds like a nightmare."
" What's wrong with the Jersey Shore?"
"Come on, you've seen that TV show. It's just a bunch of sweaty Guidos getting hopped up on energy drinks and giving each other diseases."
Hoooooolllllyyyy Shhhittt! Is that the ocean?
Yeah buddy that's the ocean.
What's on the other side of it there?
Europe
Now how long would it take....
Do not try to swim to Europe.
Don't swim to Europe.
Whoa! What's that? You were supposed to get booze!
This is Ham... *soaked* in Rum. It's Loaded with booze.
Goddamn it Frank, eating your drinks? That is genius!
Hey, warm sun, cool ocean breezes, getting rip sh*t on ham.
Wouldn't you say we're getting... Hammered?
"As a man who works very hard to maintain a certain level of physical excellence... I find shortcuts insulting. Now give me a piece of ham now!"
(Charlie, Dennis and Sweet Dee have just run into two homeless men having anal sex under the boardwalk, just as Dennis has been telling Charlie about the romanticism of the Boardwalk.)
Charlie (disgusted): NO! NO! NO! NO! WHAT WAS THAT?!
A couple of homeless guys banging each other!
I know that, but why?! That's not magical! That's not romantic!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.