It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia · Season 17
Welcome to Abbott Elementary, the best elementary school in the universe.
Um, what's the deal with all the cameras?
We have, like, a Vanderpump thing going on. Don't worry about it.
No. No. I think I'll be spending my time on the other side of the camera. Thank you very much.
I mean, I liked Dee at first, but things got awkward when she tried to steal you.
That was never going to happen.
Still. Safe to say I liked her less after that. But it wasn't until I saw the extra footage that I was able to realize just how much of a... mmm. I need to say a bad word.
It's okay.
Yeah? I'm gonna - it's real bad.
We talked about this. Go ahead.
How much of a total fucking cunt she is.
I... I thought you were gonna call her a bitch.
No, I didn't feel that was strong enough. Bitch can be a very fine dog. That's not what this woman is.
I got an angle, okay? We go in there, we say that we're the Smuckers Brothers.
Why?
Well, we're, like, the Smuckers Brothers. We're purveyors of fine jellies and jams from the Deep South.
How does that get us closer to the goal?
(bad Southern accent) They're gonna be impressed with some jelly magnates.
I think that you are confusing the Smuckers brothers with the Smothers Brothers, who were a folk singing duo from the '50s.
Now, you're not microdosing anymore. You've slipped into macrodosing.
Macrodosing?
Yeah.
That's cool 'cause it's my name!
You're not getting this. We are not lovers. We're simply roommates, you see? It's not so difficult to understand. Not so difficult at all! Two men entwined only by the walls that house us and the passage of time, that is all. Nothing more. We are all classy men and women alike, but none more classy than me, refined and dignified and not the least bit abnormal in any way. I need you to see this. Yes? All is well and palatable and good. You must know this, and you must reflect it as such on the cards that you've been given. Do you understand? I need this of you. You must make it so. There was another show by the name of Family Fight and I was not properly represented on that show. And I cannot and will not abide another failure of that magnitude. [stutters] I just need you to see me as I-- as-- as I am! I-- I need this. I need this from you. I-- I-- I, I need this from you. Please.
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