Dan Humphrey quotes from Gossip Girl

Dan

Did you talk to my sister?

Chuck

Ah, yes. Little Jenny, I do believe she and I have some unfnished business.

Dan

You stay away from her.

Chuck

Poor Daniel, so little time so many sluts to defend-[Dan pushes Chuck into a waiter carrying a tray, both of which fall to the ground and cause glass to shatter in the process. Chuck watches in amusement as everyone stares at Dan, horrified.]

Why should Dartmouth pick you as an usher?

Dan

I believe I am the ideal Dartmouth candidate. I've been dreaming of Dartmouth for years. And I haven't asked Dartmouth...but I think she's been dreaming of me too.

Dan

That was supposed to be a joke.

Rufus

I dated a girl like Serena, once. Actually, a lot like Serena. And girls like that might be challenging. That's true. And they're complicated, and enigmatic. And usually worth it. And the only way you know for sure is to jump it with both feet.

Dan

What happened with you?

Rufus

I swam for a while. Till I drowned.

Dan

Oh. Well, thanks, dad. That's a great story.

Serena

Are you sure you didn't want any of my dinner? Your entrée was so small.

Dan

No no, it was amazing. I didn't realize fish could be creamed.

Lily

So where are you taking my daughter this evening?

Dan

[Sarcastically] Well, I thought we'd do a tour of New York underground. You know, go visit my friends, the mole people?

Vanessa

The Pacifier played for like a year.

Dan

And they said Vin Diesel couldn't do comedy.

Dan

Let me just say. For the record. I like you. Only you.

Serena

Well, that's good because I feel the same about you.

Dan

Glad that's cleared up.

Serena

So, do you think we should talk about it?

Dan

Abo--You mean, about, about Vanessa? No, you know what? She's like family, it feels comfortable. So, therefore, she often shows up without calling.

Serena

No, I mean, about what almost, maybe, might have just happened.

Dan

Oh, you mean if Vanessa hadn't entered and we...

Serena

Or we can not talk about it. [Leans in to kiss Dan]

Rufus

[From outside the room] Dan! We're home. We got breakfast.

Dan

[Sits up from the bed and turns to Serena] Hungry?

Serena

Mom is such a hypocrite. And all these years, she's been riding me about my behavior.

Eric

And here, she's just mad at you for being her.

Dan

And all this time my dad has been giving me advice based on a girl he dated...a girl "a lot like Serena".

Jenny

Her mom.

Blair

If you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean, only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your step dads.

Serena

Blair, can we not talk about my mom's appetite?

Dan

No, or who satisfied her.

Serena

That's just...

Gross!

This just in -- we hear there's a cold war brewing between Lonely Boy and a certain blue blood. We never thought we'd say this ourselves...

Serena

There you are. What's going on?

Dan

I'll tell you what's going on. I just became your escort to the ball.

But our money's on Brooklyn for the win.

Dan

The arts and crafts were impressive, but how did you manage the real snow?

Serena

[Laughs] I'm well connected.

Dan

This is, without question, the best Christmas ever.

Serena

Ever. In the history of Christmas.

Vanessa

So what will it be, Dan? Cheerios and Chaucer, or an illegal party at your prep school pool with your high society girlfriend and her nasty cohorts?

Dan

Dad. Vanessa and I are going out.

Rufus

I need to know how you and Jenny would feel if I went out tonight, for a drink...with a woman.

Dan

Well, I guess I'd feel like you shouldn't wear that shirt or there will not be a second date.

Rufus

Really?

Dan

Really, really.

Rufus

Thanks. Now I guess I just have to worry about Jenny then.

Dan

Good morning.

Jenny

Hi.

Rufus

Good morning sunshine!

Jenny

Dad. Where'd you get that shirt?

Rufus

What's wrong with this shirt?

Jenny

Nothing, as long as you don't plan to wear it out of the house.

Dan

Worse. He plans on wearing on a date.

Rufus

For drinks, if that's okay.

Jenny

Whatever.

Dan

Hey! What are you doing here?

Serena

I need to know why you love me.

Dan

Because I do.

Serena

I really want to trust you when you say those words, Dan, so maybe if I knew why, I'd stop being so scared of hearing them and afraid to say them.

Dan

Okay. Well, if you want to talk about why...

Serena

It has to do with my mom and her many marriages.

Dan

There. that's why. Because I actually like it when you interrupt me, which is often, by the way. I love you because you make no apologies about being exactly who you are... Beautiful, smart, sexy as hell.

Serena

Now you're embarrassing me.

Dan

That's another reason. You're totally unaware of the effects you have on me. You're also completely unaware that you laugh like a 4 year old. [Serena laughs] Just like that. And I love you because you can be with someone like me and still be best friends with someone like Blair.

Serena:

Yeah, well, I tried to be.

Dan

I know you do, and that's not easy, but you never give up on her. That is how amazing you are.

Serena

Well, you're amazing, too, for being able to say all of those things, you just are. [They kiss] And I love you... But I have to go.

Dan

What? what--what is it this time?

Serena

One of the many reasons you love me. [Blows Dan a kiss]

Dan

Yo, hey buddy, there you go.

Georgina

Oh, awww, Georgie, hey, bad boy. Sorry he disturbed you.

Dan

Well, uh, it's fine. I love dogs.

Georgina

Really. Do you have any?

Dan

No, uh, we used to have a cat, uh, but, you know, sister, allergies. Now he lives with my aunt in Florida. Never calls, never writes, never visits...it's all very depressing.