Vanessa Abrams quotes from Gossip Girl

Vanessa

[to Chuck]: What's that? Your stripper money?

Vanessa

You can read about it all day long, but you have to walk the city to know it.

Vanessa

Subway. Click those heels, you're not in Portland anymore.

Vanessa

The Pacifier played for like a year.

Dan

And they said Vin Diesel couldn't do comedy.

Vanessa

You're sick!

Chuck

You're welcome!

Vanessa

So what will it be, Dan? Cheerios and Chaucer, or an illegal party at your prep school pool with your high society girlfriend and her nasty cohorts?

Dan

Dad. Vanessa and I are going out.

Blair

If you didn't pay your rent with it, what did you do with Chuck's money?

Vanessa

I may have created a medical grant for teens with genital herpes. In his name.

Nate

Next time your sister's band is in town, I want front row seats.

Vanessa

[laughs] You don't strike me as a lesbian punk fan.

Nate

You know, I'm almost offended by how much you underestimate me, Miss Abrams.

Vanessa

You like punk?

Nate

Oh, I didn't hear you... You said punk? Because you had me at lesbian.

Vanessa

[laughs] Right. Didn't see that coming.

Nate

So...

Vanessa

So...

Nate

I guess this is goodnight, then?

Vanessa

I don't live here, you know.

Nate

No, I know.

Vanessa

I'm just grabbing my laptop.

Nate

Oh. [Nate looks as if he really wants to kiss Vanessa]

Vanessa

Do you want to come inside?

Nate

Umm... [looks inside shop]

Vanessa

God, this does feel like that doorstep moment.

Nate

And what moment would that be?

Dan

Uh, no, no, more of the same. Jenny and her boyfriend are inseparable and Jenny is more insufferable.

Vanessa

Give her a break, Asher's her first love.

Dan

It's infatuation, it's not love.

Vanessa

And how long did it take you, Dan?

Dan

Uh, um, that's a little different, Vanessa. It took me... [Vanessa interrupts]

Vanessa

Uh, one glance at a ninth grade birthday party.

Dan

Yes, but two years to obsess over.

Chuck

I need to talk to you. Your father's leaving.

Nate

He just stepped out to call my mom.

Vanessa

Everything okay? [Chuck says "no" at the same time that Nate says "yes"]

Chuck

He had his car brought around.

Nate

He probably left his phone in it.

Chuck

Right before the ceremony I saw him with a guy doing a deal. Looked like drugs.

Nate

My father is clean, Chuck. What are you spying on him?

Chuck

Look, I know you hate me. I was in love with Blair and I'm sorry. We do not have time to argue about this.

Dan

I can't believe Nate Archibald is a gigolo.

Vanessa

You can't tell anyone!

Dan

Who? Who would I tell? Except everyone I've ever met. [pauses] I won't.

Chuck

The Ultimate Private Gentleman's club. I walked through this door and it was...

Vanessa

the Chuck Bass' version of Narnia?

Vanessa

Do you blame your dad?

Dan

No. I blame the financial aid office, the recession, and a certain imbecile former president.

Vanessa

[On Dan's wallet] What is this? Oh, it's where you keep your... hundred dollar bills.

Dan

Do you know how hard it is to break one of those things? I don't know why they even make them.

I have proof that Serena Van der Woodsen is having an affair with her professor.

Miss Sharp, I am with friends. This is the one night of the year I can try to put everything else out of my mind and enjoy myself.

Blair

[Enters with Nate, Serena and Collin] Dean Reuther, may I please have a moment with you?

Of course you're involved with this Miss Waldorf, I told you and Miss Van der Woodsen to stay off my radar.

Dean Reuther I am not lying.

What's going on?

Nothing that concerns you professor, or concerns anyone for the moment.

Actually it does concern Collin, he was the one in the photos with Serena.

Is that why you resigned your position today?

While it's true that I resigned because of my involvement with a student, it's nobody's business who that student is. All that matters is that the responsibility is mine and I took it, by leaving my post.

That's somewhat admirable, Collin, and while usually it's the professor in the professor student relationship that takes propriety, if that student is under the suspicion of trading sex for grades in the past, I think we might need to examine the situation a little more closely.

Vanessa

Let me get my camera.

[Sticks out the flashdrive] Here, look as close as you like.

Blair

[Takes the flashdrive] Let me help you with that. [Drops it in her glass of champagne] Whoops. You didn't wanna look at those photos anyway because it wasn't Serena in them. It was me.

Serena

Blair, you don't have to do this.

Blair

Why would I jeopardize my college career by lying? [To the Dean] So, go ahead, fire Collin. Oh wait, he already quit. So let's just go in and enjoy some jeté. Allegro.

Chuck

[Comes up from behind Blair] If I could say something. I for one can fully corroborate Miss Waldorf's story. She was indeed having an affair with Professor Forrester. I know this because I keep tabs on everyone Blair sees and talks to, due to my insatiable jealousy. Though she did state something to the effect that he didn't quite satisfy her like I used to.

Blair

It's true.

Don't you see? They're all protecting each other.

Vanessa

This is what they always do.

[To Vanessa] I'm sorry. Who are you? [To Juliet] Miss Sharp, the reality is that with no proof I can't tell who is telling the truth.

Yeah, well there was proof! Until Blair drowned it.

Juliet, I don't like tattletales much more than I like young women who use their sexuality to further their academic careers. So if you will please excuse me, I'm going to try my best to to enjoy this performance. Which, hopefully, is a little more graceful than the one I've just seen. Good evening.