Eric van der Woodsen quotes from Gossip Girl

Eric

[to Chuck] Yeah... 'How Well Do You Know Blair Waldorf' is a little boring to those of us who actually know Blair Waldorf.

Eric

I would say "get a room", but yours is right above mine. Please try to remember that.

Serena

Mom is such a hypocrite. And all these years, she's been riding me about my behavior.

Eric

And here, she's just mad at you for being her.

Dan

And all this time my dad has been giving me advice based on a girl he dated...a girl "a lot like Serena".

Jenny

Her mom.

Blair

If you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean, only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your step dads.

Serena

Blair, can we not talk about my mom's appetite?

Dan

No, or who satisfied her.

Serena

That's just...

Gross!

Blair

Hey, Eric, have you seen Chuck?

Eric

A while ago, he said something about wanting to take a view from above.

Jack

He probably meant upstairs.

Blair

Clearly you don't know Chuck. He has a thing for the roof tops.

Rufus

OK, who's mess is it?

Dan

All I did was carry the chili and prevent teenagers from having unprotected sex.

Eric

Serena may have had her own motives, I may have helped with the crowd situation with a few inspirational words, but..

Jenny

But I was the one who posted the party on Gossip Girl.

Serena

When this family was just me and Eric, if things got out of control it was a pretty safe bet that it was my fault.

Eric

That's true!

Serena

But as this family grows, so does the pool of suspects. This is not my mess. [leaves]

Serena

Mom, I admit I made a few phone calls. If you want to punish someone for the passed hors d'oeuvres, point the finger here. Guilty as charged. But as far as all the people...

Lily

Oh, and you expect me to believe that Jenny was behind this? After she had me cancel the best caterer in town because she wanted clue and a crock-pot?

Eric

Mum, you could at least make an attempt to mask your distaste.

Dan

I see the cat's out of the bag.

Rufus

And topless on valentino's yacht.

Jenny

Thats not fair. Everyone's topless on Valentinos yacht.

Rufus

What about this one where she's dancing on the table?

Eric

Well, thats what you do in Barcelona.

Rufus

And this one with Prince Harry doing shots off of-

Dan

That's what you do in St. Tropez!