Rufus Humphrey quotes from Gossip Girl

Rufus

Guess whose dad is cool?!

Jenny

It's a trick question.

Dan

Yeah, 'cause it can't be ours.

Rufus

Ha ha, ha ha. Look at this: [He hands Dan a magazine]

Dan

Top Ten Forgotten Bands of the '90's.

Rufus

Yeah, check out who is number nine.

Jenny

He's very proud.

Dan

Hey. Hey, way to be forgotten!

Rufus

But that's how you get remembered!

Rufus

I dated a girl like Serena, once. Actually, a lot like Serena. And girls like that might be challenging. That's true. And they're complicated, and enigmatic. And usually worth it. And the only way you know for sure is to jump it with both feet.

Dan

What happened with you?

Rufus

I swam for a while. Till I drowned.

Dan

Oh. Well, thanks, dad. That's a great story.

Rufus

Since when were you the patron saint of former rock stars?

Lily

Since when were you a rock star?

Serena

So, do you think we should talk about it?

Dan

Abo--You mean, about, about Vanessa? No, you know what? She's like family, it feels comfortable. So, therefore, she often shows up without calling.

Serena

No, I mean, about what almost, maybe, might have just happened.

Dan

Oh, you mean if Vanessa hadn't entered and we...

Serena

Or we can not talk about it. [Leans in to kiss Dan]

Rufus

[From outside the room] Dan! We're home. We got breakfast.

Dan

[Sits up from the bed and turns to Serena] Hungry?

Rufus

So, you're not overreacting per se. You're just having a reaction that is so above and beyond what is appropriate.

I have been killing myself, trying to make up for what happened in Hudson.

Rufus

Which is not an overreaction, I might add.

And then I find out that the two of you are making out at a party.

Lily

Uh, it was hardly making out. And there's an explanation.

Rufus

I need to know how you and Jenny would feel if I went out tonight, for a drink...with a woman.

Dan

Well, I guess I'd feel like you shouldn't wear that shirt or there will not be a second date.

Rufus

Really?

Dan

Really, really.

Rufus

Thanks. Now I guess I just have to worry about Jenny then.

Dan

Good morning.

Jenny

Hi.

Rufus

Good morning sunshine!

Jenny

Dad. Where'd you get that shirt?

Rufus

What's wrong with this shirt?

Jenny

Nothing, as long as you don't plan to wear it out of the house.

Dan

Worse. He plans on wearing on a date.

Rufus

For drinks, if that's okay.

Jenny

Whatever.

Dan

I've tried not to think about her all summer. I was afraid that if I did, that ... I'd see that I made a huge mistake.

Rufus

Well, you've been running all summer. Maybe it's time you turned around and faced it.

Rufus

Aaron, what are you doing here.

Aaron

I live right around the corner, I'm just picking something up to take to ...

Dan

It's alright. I can hear her name.

Rufus

I miss her a lot.

Dan

You know, in all the arguments you two have had, I haven't once heard you tell her that.

Rufus

Oh my God, you're right.

Dan

That's not ... that rare is it?

Dan

You okay with it? Jenny not being with us tonight?

Rufus

If by okay you mean extraordinarily depressed, then yes.

Rufus

OK, who's mess is it?

Dan

All I did was carry the chili and prevent teenagers from having unprotected sex.

Eric

Serena may have had her own motives, I may have helped with the crowd situation with a few inspirational words, but..

Jenny

But I was the one who posted the party on Gossip Girl.

Dan

Nah, I thought Vanessa and I would hit a movie instead.

Dan

...and away we go.

Rufus

Alright, it's your last party of high school. Now I know don't love your classmates, but you just shared four years with them. And, I suspect there are maybe a couple people you want to try and stay friends with... or at least one person.

Dan

Yeah, Serena said kinda the same thing. How am I going to get these sage moments of wisdom when I'm in my dorm at NYU?

Rufus

I'll appear to you like Obi-Wan. Now go, young jedi.

Rufus

Have fun.

Dan

I see the cat's out of the bag.

Rufus

And topless on valentino's yacht.

Jenny

Thats not fair. Everyone's topless on Valentinos yacht.

Rufus

What about this one where she's dancing on the table?

Eric

Well, thats what you do in Barcelona.

Rufus

And this one with Prince Harry doing shots off of-

Dan

That's what you do in St. Tropez!

Lily

What, you know him?

Rufus

Um. Oh, yeah, that was-

Georgina

Your love child! Yup, not dead! Congratulations. It's a boy!