Why don't you down a 4 Loco, Count Boozy Von Drunk a Ton?
S2 E14Blame It On the Alcohol
Being thrown up on, it just does something to a person.
There's a fair amount of the pot calling the kettle black now.
That's so racist.
What about after we win Nationals?
I'll buy the sparkling cider.
I don't know what two guys do when they're together. You know, I sat through the whole of Brokeback Mountain. From what I gather, something went down in that tent.
S2 E15Sexy
Celibacy, ladies. Dig it!
[in a classroom] Demonstration: [holds a condom] this is a condom. Which can help prevent the spread of HIV, which can lead to AIDS. And it also prevents pregnancy. [holds a cucumber]
[shocked] Wait, cucumbers can give you AIDS?
Seriously? 'Cause I just had them in my salad!
I think I have a bun in the oven. Please don't tell anyone. Okay? Especially Artie. [closes her locker and leaves]
Yeah, sure. Your secret's safe with- Oh my God, Brittany's pregnant.
[overhears and joins her] Oh my God, Brittany's pregnant.
PPuck
[walking with Lauren and overhears] It was only a matter of time.
For what?
PPuck
Brittany to get pregnant.
Oh. [sees Artie wheeling by] Congratulations!
For what?
You didn't hear? Your girlfriend's preggo! You're going to be a baby daddy!
[silent and shocked]
In the chorus room:
All right, folks. Regionals is in a week. It's time to get deep into our set list. Artie? You okay?
[still in shock] My life is over. How am I suppose to support a baby? [turns to Brittany] How could you not tell me about this?
Wait, Brittany, are you pregnant?
Definitely. I'm so sorry, Artie. I didn't want to upset you. I thought I could surprise you when I dropped him off. I'm pretty sure it's a boy.
PPuck
Um, babies don't get dropped off.
Wait, Brittany, have you been to a doctor yet? That's the only way to be sure.
I don't need to go to a doctor. I just need to look outside my window. Three days ago, a stork built its nest on top of my garage. I'm not stupid. It's obviously getting ready to bring me my baby. I know where babies come from.
[looks at Brittany in shock]
[smiles and shakes his head]
I want to educate them, not titillate them.
In the chorus room:
[writes "Sexy" on the board] Sexy.
I really hope that's not one of the requirements for Regionals because with Berry in those tights, we don't stand a chance.
Ms. Holiday!
[The glee club cheers loudly as she enters the room.]
Hola, clase.
Oh no, it's the salad lady.
Okay. So sex...it's just like hugging, only wetter.
Yeah it is.
Okay, so let's start with the basics. [to Finn] Finn, is it true that you thought you got your girlfriend pregnant via hot tub?
I have always been dubious.
[strikes the piano keys]
[to Brittany] And Brittany, you think that storks bring babies?
I get my information from Woody Woodpecker cartoons.
[strikes the piano again]
So just remember whenever you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with. And everybody's got a random
[to Blaine] How are we gonna win Regionals if I have the sexual appeal of a baby penguin?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Glee pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.