Brittany Pierce quotes from Glee

Brittany

I have pepperoni in my bra.

Santana

Those are your nipples.

Kurt

Why don't you just run for student body president?

Brittany

I'm not smart enough.

Mrs. Hagberg

What's the capital of Ohio? [Brittany raises her hand] Brittany.

Brittany

O.

Mrs. Hagberg

What? Do you even know who the president is?

Brittany

Will.i.am.

Brittany

The poster that you wanted gave me crippling depression.

Kurt

I wanted something toned down!

Santana

This is toned down. In the original, the unicorn was riding you.

Kurt

[turns to Santana and Brittany] AND STOP PUTTING UP THOSE POSTERS! [leaves]

Brittany

I failed my precious unicorn.

Santana

No! Look, this campaign is brilliant.

Brittany

Really?

Santana

Completely! If he doesn't get it then he doesn't deserve to have you as his campaign manager. There's no one like you. You're a genius, Brittany. You are the unicorn.

Santana

I also think you should wait. Speaking from experience Finn's terrible in bed.

Tina

That's terrible to say, Santana.

Santana

What? If Rachel wants my sloppy seconds, she should at least know the truth. Look, it was like being smothered by a sweaty, out of breath sack of potatoes that somebody soaked in body spray.

Brittany

I lost my virginity at cheerleading camp. He just climbed into my tent. Alien invasion.

Mercedes

Ladies! Vocal warm-ups can wait. I was up half the night thinking about our mash-up for the mash-off, and it came to me: Adele.

Sugar

I sound just like her.

Brittany

I love her. I think she sounds like how banana cream pie sounds when it sings.

Santana

And now that we have that decision out of the way, I can stay focused on my one-sided battle of wits with the knuckle-dragger.

Mercedes

Santana, the dodgeball thing was fun until the end, but enough.

Santana

Oh no, honey, I'm just getting started.

Mercedes

I'm the leader of this group, and I'm telling you: Lay off those guys.

Santana

I'm sorry. The leader? Who died and made you queen, Aretha?

Mercedes

I brought you guys in and I came up with the idea for our mash-up while you were wasting time trying to figure out how to make Finn Hudson cry. So, I nominate myself as president of the Troubletones; all in favor?

Mercedes

You are a star member of this group, and you need to represent.

Brittany

[singsong] Stop the violence. [nudges Santana] Come on.

Santana

[smiles] All right. From now on, I'll be so nice cotton candy will melt in my mouth.

Mercedes

Move your busted creeper ass…

Tina

…now!

Easy girls. I'm just trying to make her normal.

Brittany

She is normal.

Quinn

It's not a choice, idiot. But even if it were you would be our last choice.

Oh, I get it. So you're all a bunch of lesbos.

Rachel

So what if we are. You don't stand a chance either way.

Becky

I made out with a girl.

Brittany

[to Santana] It was before we met.

Brittany

[walks up to Santana with her laptop] Happy Valentine's Day.

Santana

You're giving me your computer for Valentine's Day?

Brittany

It's a playlist, with all of the songs that I hear in my head when I'm with you or when I'm thinking about you. I wanted to make you a CD for Valentine's Day, this is as far as I got without any help. Oh, and I made you a cover/ [shows Santana the album cover of the playlist, a picture of Santana hugging Brittany]

Santana

[smiles] Brittany, thank you.

Brittany

You're welcome.

Figgins

Teen Lesbians! I must see you in my office right now!

Santana

This is such bull crap! Why can't Brittany and I kiss in public, 'cause we're two girls?

Figgins

Please don't make this about your sapphic orientation.

Artie

I want to be there to see my kid's first steps.

Sugar

I want to be there to see Sex & The City Part 3.

Wow.

I'm sort of embarrassed to admit it, but I really do want to graduate high school.

Finn

I'm going to petition the Army to change my dad's dishonorable discharge status to an honorable one.

Quinn

I'm looking forward to graduating from Yale at the top of my class.

Santana

I'm looking forward to the day when my grandmother loves me again.

Brittany

I want Lord Tubbington to kick his ecstasy addiction.

Blaine

I'm looking forward to marriage equality in all fifty states.

MIke

I'm looking forward to the first time I dance at Carnegie Hall.

Tina

I just want a song.

We all know why we're here. I've waited five years for this. I want ideas for Senior Ditch Day. Go.

Kurt

Ooh! A Gershwin/Sondheim scavenger hunt!

Santana

[scoffs] That sounds like torture.

I want actual ideas, Kurt.

Mike

Footloose marathon. Footloose, Footloose 2011.

Mercedes

What about a non-alcoholic pub crawl?

It's Senior Ditch Day, not Senior Citizen's Ditch Day.

Brittany

It's springtime. I would like to see something give birth. [Tina and Quinn smile and giggle.]

Rachel

[begins to cry] Quinn, I'm so sorry. It was my wedding you were going to when you got in your car crash. And you were answering my text message and now we're all sitting here, we're talking about this day that's suppose to be the most amazing and unforgettable day of our high school lives. And we're completely ignoring the fact that she's sitting in that chair. [shakes her head] It's not right. It's not right and it shouldn't be like this.

Quinn

Well, maybe not, but this is the way it is. My accident, which you did not cause by the way, doesn't define me or ruin our senior year. I meant what I said in the choir room. I'm not going to dwell on this and neither should any of you. Okay? [to Rachel] Come here.

Brittany

My name is Brittany S. Pierce, and I finally know how Jesus feels in his house way up at the North Pole because I am on top of the world. Senior year was awesome and now I get to relive every minute of it. I'm head Cheerio, vice-Rachel of the Glee club and now, I'm planning a Middle East style sham election that will install me as senior class president for life.

Blaine

Brittany, who are you talking to?

Brittany

I thought I was doing a voice over.

Will

In the 58 year history of the William McKinley High School Glee Club, there has NEVER been such a debacle! WE DO NOT LIP-SYNCH! EVER!

Blaine

We're sorry Mr. Schue, we were just trying to help Brittany out.

Will

Lip-Synching is the equivalent of blood-doping in professional sports. Every gain we've made in the last 3 years has been wiped out, and I'm not just talking about our reputation here in McKinley. If the National Show Choir Board of Review gets wind of this, we could be barred from competing. What do you have to say for yourself Brittany?

Brittany

To quote the legend yourself: "If I met me, I would say a quick hello and then think I was a really nice girl." And I resigned from Glee Club effective immediately.