Santana Lopez quotes from Glee

Carl

You all have a role to fill and I'm just trying to help fill it.

Santana

Wanky.

Will

First, the acapella choir from the all-boys private school in Westerville, the Dalton Academy Warblers.

Santana

Okay, hold up. Like, a million awesome gay jokes just popped into my head.

You two show up at Breadsticks tomorrow night around 7 and if we don't find hotter chicks to date, we might show up.

Santana

You are so cool.

I flex my left pec, then I flex my right pec, and I say to the guy, ‘Leggo my Eggo.' And you know what he does? He lets go of my Eggo!

Santana

You should be our nation's president.

Rachel

[Writes "Me" on the board] Class, in Mr. Schuester's absence I'd like to go around and ask everyone what songs you want me to perform at Sectionals.

Santana

You know what? Let me at her! Tu eres loca!

I'm Finn Hudson, the goofy Quarterback,

Santana

I'm Rachel Berry, his loud-mouth girlfriend.

Brittany

I'm Mike Chang.

Mike

[nods]

Holly

Cee-Lo, that's what I'm talking about!

Santana

What would you know about Cee-Lo? You're like... 40.

Holly

Top 40, sweet cheeks. Hit it!

Rachel

Ladies, the Kurt/Karofsky bullying situation is getting way out of control. Kurt's miserable. He's losing weight and not in a good way and he's barely fighting me for solos anymore.

Tina

We've all been teased but something about what Karofsky's doing is so much worse.

Rachel

We're all lucky enough to have boyfriends on the football team. I say we band together and demand that they confront Karofsky.

Quinn

Okay, first of all, I'm not dating Sam. And second of all, I think you set the feminist movement back fifty years.

Rachel

Look, guys like Karofsky only respond to muscle.

Quinn

So, we're going to fight violence with violence?

Rachel

No! Look I'm not saying that we should hit him, I'm saying that we need to defend Kurt and there's strength in numbers.

Tina

So I'm confused. [Turns to Brittany] Are you and Artie officially dating now?

Brittany

Deal with it. When you guys ever fooled around, did he ever just, like, lie there?

Santana

[Walks in] Why didn't you tell me we were having a Glee girls meeting?

Rachel

This is a meeting for Glee girls with boyfriends. We're going to make them stop Karofsky from bullying Kurt.

Santana

Okay, I'm dating Puckerman.

Quinn

You're getting naked with Puckerman.

Tina

Besides, Puck can't mess with Karofsky. He's on probation. If he gets in a fight with him, he'll be sent back to juvee.

Rachel

Mm-hmm. So now if you'll excuse us.

Santana

[scoffs] You're so on my list, dwarf. [leaves]

Rachel

Look if something bad happens to Kurt and we didn't do anything to stop it, we'll never be able to live with ourselves.

Santana

Where were you, Finn?

Finn

Still out on the field, okay? I totally would have given him a beat-down if I'd been there.

Mercedes

The fact is, it shouldn't have gone down without you, Finn. You should have been leading the charge.

Kurt

[softly] Lay off Finn, everyone. It isn't his problem. It's none of your problems, actually. But thank you for what you did. Especially Sam.

Finn

Never learned to tie a tie.

Santana

Sit down, Frankenteen. You know you're losing it. Sam's clearly the new glee favorite, he's going to be starting quarterback...

Finn

What's your point?

Santana

You need a coolness injection. Y'know if you were honest and told people we did it last year, you would go from uncool to Chilly Willy.

Finn

Maybe. But I can't do that.

Finn

If she found out, she'd break up with me.

Santana

And that would be bad because?

Finn

Because I'm in love with her and I don't wanna hurt her feelings.

Santana

Don't you see that that midget is like an anchor dragging you down to the depths of Loserville?

Finn

Stop it, Santana, that's my girlfriend! I think you should leave.

Santana

[Gets up] Okay. Well, maybe I'll tell her. I mean, if you two broke up, we'd be free to see each other, right?

Rachel

[Walks in] Hey. What are you guys doing?

Santana

Nothing. I was just leaving.

Rachel

Aren't you going to tell me how pretty I look?

Finn

You look amazing.

Rachel

What?

Finn

I... I just really love you.

Rachel

I love you, too.

Will

And the ornaments?

Santana

The man who lives next door finally killed off his elderly mother and when the police came they left the whole place like wide open. I think she was a holiday hoarder.

Brittany

Go Mercedes, go Mercedes, go! (smiles)

Mercedes

(sitting on Santa's lap) I've been a very good girl, Santa. I want a pony and a dolly that laughs and cries and...one of us smells like McDonald's.

Lauren

(sitting on Santa's lap) I want Puckerman to love me. He's a fox. And I want sweet potato fries.

Santana

(sitting on Santa's lap) I want bling. I can't be more specific than that. Okay hold up. Don't tell that's a roll of Certs in your pocket. (gets off)

Artie

(nodding)

Quinn

(sitting on Santa's lap) Do you have anything for stretch marks?

Sam

(sitting on Santa's lap) Chapstick. Lots of Chapstick.

Mike

(sitting on Santa's lap) I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff.

Tina

(sitting on Santa's lap) When does Asian Santa arrive?

Next.

Brittany

(to Elf Lady) Just know, you have rights.

Ho, ho, ho.

Brittany

(sits on Santa's lap)

What's your name?

Brittany

Brittany. You've gotten really tan.

That's because in the North Pole there is a hole in the ozone.

Brittany

(laughs) You're amazing. I know you're really busy so I only want one thing for Christmas. (points to Artie) Do you see my boyfriend over there?

Artie

(waves)

Artie

(frowns)

(turns to Artie)

Artie

(shakes his head no)

Um...sure. I'm on it.

Brittany

Thank you Santa.

Artie

Now we're screwed.

Brittany

(hugs Santa)

Will

You can't do that.

Santana

It's okay. Most of this isn't mine anyway.

Quinn

I'm torn.

Santana

Well, I'm not.

Brittany

I'm Brittany.