Santana Lopez quotes from Glee

Santana

Besides creeping us out, why are you telling us this?

Will

If we lose to Vocal Adrenaline at regionals, none of us are gonna regret it. We will have given it our best shot and we won't look back. But we will regret letting them get the best of us before the competition, which is why we need to hit them back just like they hit us.

Quinn

So you want us to T.P their choir room?

Will

Whatever the better, cooler version of that is, like, uh- maybe... maybe we should steal their school statue.

Kurt

Their school statue is a giant bronze of a great white shark eating a seal pup. It weighs three tons.

Will

Hey, what's going on?

Finn

We're on our way to go all Braveheart on Vocal Adrenaline.

Will

Guys, violence is never the answer.

It is when the question is, "What's the best way to mess up that Jesse kid's face?"

Kurt

Mr. Schue, Rachel is one of us. We're the only ones who get to humiliate her.

Will

Stop! Get back here and sit down! Look, I know from experience that making someone else suffer doesn't make your pain go away. You're all amazing, no matter what Vocal Adrenaline says or does. We just need to find a way to remind ourselves of that.

Finn

We can't just let Vocal Adrenaline get away with turning Rachel into an omelette.

Will

We're not. Rachel, dial Jesse's number on your phone.

Santana

You still have his number?

Will

Jesse St. James? Will Schuester here. You and Vocal Adrenaline need to meet at our auditorium Friday, 3:00 sharp. [hangs up]

Jacob

How has life changed since the birth of your bastard child?

Quinn

Well, I'm happy to be back and ready to start fresh. And.. I'm a lot less hormonal, so there's not really any more crying.

Jacob

[noticing Santana's boob job] How was YOUR summer?

Santana

My eyes are up here, Jewfro. And it was uneventful.

Brittany

People thought I went on vacation but actually I spent the summer lost in the sewers.

Santana

You did this to me! You told Coach Sylvester about my summer surgery!

Quinn

You have surgery when you get your appendix out. You got a BOOB JOB.

Santana

Yup. Sure did. [slaps Quinn across face]

Quinn

You can't hit me!

Santana

Oh, sure I can. Unless you got yourself knocked up again. Slut.

Brittany

Stop the violence.

Will

Hey! Hey! Hey! [holding Quinn and Santana apart] What is this? What happened to being a family?

Santana

Oh, please! She has a family! She's a mother!

Quinn

[Will holds her back] Walk away and tight up your pony before you get to class!

Santana

Can I just say you are the hottest dentist I've ever seen?

Carl

I get that all the time.

Santana

You can drill me any time.

Artie

I think I might be better at brushing and flossing if I could see myself in the mirror.

Santana

There you go, blue tooth.

Brittany

I don't brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr Pepper was a dentist.

Mercedes

I don't see what's wrong with getting a little church in here.

Quinn

I agree. I've had a really hard year, and I've turned to God a lot for help. I, for one, wouldn't mind saying thanks.

Santana

Thanks for what? That it didn't come out a lizard-baby?

Brittany

Whenever I pray, I fall asleep.

Finn

You got a problem with Jesus?

Oh, I got no problem with the guy. I'm a total Jew for Jesus. He's my number one Heb. What I don't like seeing is people using J-Money to cramp everyone else's style 'cause it seems to me that true spirituality or whatever you want to call it is about enjoying the life that you've been given. I mean, I see God every time I make out with a new chick.

Santana

Hey Kurt, we're really sorry about your dad's heart attack.

Brittany

I did a book report on heart attacks, if you want to give it to the doctor. I got knocked down an entire letter grade 'cause it was written in crayon.

Finn

[Entering] What the hell happened?

Kurt

My dad's in the hospital.

Finn

I know. My mom just called me. I feel I'm the last one to know.

Kurt

I'm sorry Finn, but it didn't occur to me to call you because he's not your father.

Finn

Yeah, well, he's the closest person I'm ever going to get, okay? I don't know what it looks like to everyone else, but I thought we were sort of family. Look, I guess I just didn't like overhearing other people talking about it in gym class.

Santana

I hope you're happy, Kurt.

Kurt

Having the week of my life, actually.

Will

Guys, back off Kurt, okay? He had every right to speak his mind.

Mercedes

Look, Kurt, we're sympathetic to what you're going through but siding with Miss Sylvester isn't gonna do anyone any good.

Kurt

It's doing me some good. Now I don't have to sit around listening to all you mental patients talk about how's there's a God when I know there isn't one.

Sam

I'm Sam. Sam I am. And I don't like Green Eggs and Ham.

Santana

Wow, he has no game.

Brittany

I love your Sweet Lady Kisses.

Santana

It's a nice break from all that scissoring.

Santana

And just so you know I already bought custom bibs for me and Mercedes here. You know why? Cause we be going

To Breadstix.

Kurt

There is no way I'm playing a transvestite in high heels and fishnets and wearing lipstick.

Santana

Why, cause that look was last season?

Quinn

Is it? Guys whisper behind our backs about how we look everyday. They objectify us all the time.

Santana

Yeah, earlier today Artie asked if he could make a gigantic omelet when I'm done with the ostrich eggs I'm smuggling in my bra.